tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53191144359762907462024-03-14T04:00:42.121-04:005ivebruhsDifferent guys. Different thoughts.Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.comBlogger347125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-43172740877602652472013-10-30T09:00:00.000-04:002013-10-30T09:49:52.940-04:00Today's Random Thoughts (Includes my list of Kimmy indicators.)Here are some random things I've thought about or have been wondering due to some recent events... Maybe I'll turn one or two of them into full blown posts later to explain the train of thought.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainment/celebrity/cms/binary/9089093.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainment/celebrity/cms/binary/9089093.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="133" src="http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainment/celebrity/cms/binary/9089093.jpg" width="200" /></a>~Fellas, if Lil' Wayne or Chris Brown punches you in the face in front of all your boys would you take it like a bitch and fall hoping to make money, or whoop his ass? I got pride, I would make the wrong decision.<br />
<br />
~I know everyone on Facebook is getting married, but to all the chicks who are just eager to find a husband, relax. When a dude smells that on you, they can play you like a fool.<br />
<br />
~I hate when its dark when you get to work and dark when you leave this time of year. Its especially bad if your building has no windows.<br />
<br />
~I'm pretty sure I cut off my co-worker Brian hardcore on my way to work this morning. Like swerve into the median almost cut off. He's usually cool with me, but today he's acting shady. How many 1998 gold Maxima's with Maryland plates are there? <br />
<br />
~Don't look for me on November 15th. PS4 arrives. I will emerge from my dark hole two weeks later only to eat turkey, mac and cheese and greens. I will then disappear again until my birthday. <br />
<br />
~I miss video stores like Blockbuster. At least you could drop your
movie in the box and leave. I hate when people see you're just trying to
return one at the Redbox and they take 10 minutes to decide on a title. Rude. <br />
<br />
~I don't get Instagram. It seems like a narcissist's dream. I recently learned the term "thirst trap". WTF.<br />
<br />
~I also don't get Vine. I get that sometimes they can be funny, but mostly people just look like fools and when Terrio gets older, he's gonna loathe those videos. Vine is a fad. It will die soon I hope.<br />
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~I still can't believe Breaking Bad is done. Homeland is now the best show on TV and I'm still trying to watch Scandal. Sorry Jonny, shit ain't that amazing.<br />
<br />
~This. <span class="st">↓</span><span class="st">↓</span><span class="st">↓</span><span class="st">↓</span><br />
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~If its your birthday and I notice it on Facebook and I know you didn't write on my wall for mine, I will not write on yours. I'm just not that nice. If you did write on mine, I'm sorry I missed yours. <br />
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~I have to agree with Bob George and online dating. No lie, 93% of the girls who hit me up on there look like the second chick in your post. Also, most of the chicks online are strange and usually have strange sexual requests/tendencies. I'll stop there.<br />
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~If I see someone in black face on Halloween, I will call them the N-word. I will then try to dap them up. If they can't dap me up naturally, I will get extremely offended, start a fight and feel justified in beating them up. I think this strategy will deter them from doing this again. Its like a "black test" and they will realize its too risky to be offensive. These tests include dapping up correctly and naturally.<br />
<br />
~I wish Optimus Negro well in grad school, but that dude needs to come back on the blog soon. I need that weird nerdy shit he talks about back in my life.<br />
<br />
~For ten million dollar$, would you rather flip the switch on the electric chair for a known terrorist or a serial rapist?<br />
<br />
~If you won the lottery, who would you give money? Those are your friends, everyone else is not.<br />
<br />
~"Megatron" and "Dez Bryant" really don't belong in the same sentence. <br />
<br />
~My CrossFit total is currently 1065lbs. I'm happy.<br />
<br />
~We been talking about doing a podcast for over three months. I don't think its gonna happen because we're super lazy. <br />
<br />
~I date a Kimmy, so I guess I have a few more indicators to go along with Jonny.<br />
*If she doesn't mind pitbulls<br />
*If she hates the New England Patriots she's a Kimmy because they usually don't have that many black players. Inversely, if a black chick likes the Pats, she loves white dudes.<br />
*If you remember her in high school (or presently I guess) and she's worn <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_NMws-GMg70Q/TH84Qlxc9FI/AAAAAAAAAPU/cMGFYIX2H1Q/s1600/jeansnobackpocket.jpg" target="_blank">jeans with no back pockets</a>.<br />
*If she smokes Newports.<br />
*If she orders liquor at the bar she is most likely a Kimmy. If she orders brown liquor though, she most definitely is a Kimmy.<br />
*If she was in any of those multicultural groups in college.<br />
<a href="http://www.marketmenot.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/geico-camel-hump-day-commercial.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="http://www.marketmenot.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/geico-camel-hump-day-commercial.jpg" border="0" class="shrinkToFit decoded" height="200" src="http://www.marketmenot.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/geico-camel-hump-day-commercial.jpg" width="200" /></a>*If her shoe size is greater than a 9.<br />
*If you ever see a girl in a bar singing every word to a Ja Rule, DMX or Michael Jackson song she's a Kimmy. Will Smith songs don't count.<br />
*She watches Scandal.<br />
*She knows what mumbo sauce is. <br />
*If she gets excited when Back that Azz comes on. Jump on it. She probably can't dance for shit, but she's a Kimmy.<br />
<br />
~There are also tests to tell if a black dude is down with white girls. Point to a black dude. You're done and you win. He's down.<br />
<br />
~Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike! Guess what day it is?! HUMP DAAAAAAAY!Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-48074551252109495402013-10-29T00:20:00.001-04:002013-10-29T09:07:37.077-04:00my online dating experience<div class="MsoNormal">
i created an account on plenty of fish two years ago. i was
single. i was hooking up with random women already, figured i might as well see
what the online world had to offer. my
profile read something like this:</div>
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princeishere06 (of course you knew Prince would be involved)</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><u>about me: <o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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fantasy football and basketball enthusiast<br />
connoisseur of fried poultry<br />
the wire is king<br />
sports fanatic<br />
lover of stouts, porters, and IPAs<br />
wears a large amount of plaid<br />
competitor <br />
alpha male<br />
voracious reader of wsj, time, and reddit<br />
knows all of the words to sinbad’s brain damaged 1991 comedy special<br />
better than you at trivia and words with friends<br />
speaks fluent dude<br />
has not eaten at burger king since 2006; mcdonalds since 2011<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>what i’m looking
for</u></b></div>
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loves a woman who’s a go getter. a corporate woman. think daryl
hannah in wall street<br />
ass is a must<br />
glasses are a plus<br />
tattoos are the cherry on top<br />
drinks alcohol<br />
good taste in music and food<br />
does yoga<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><u>what i’m not
looking for:<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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</div>
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a woman who wants to go to church or discuss her faith<br />
women who have cats<br />
heavyset women (i didn’t know they were called BBW’s in the online world)<br />
neo-soul lovers.<o:p></o:p><br />
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then i hit submit and walked away. did the george jefferson
strut and thought i would be swimming in hoes for the weekend.<o:p></o:p></div>
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i couldn’t have been more wrong. i had options, but man….talk
about a letdown. the ones i didn’t think were attractive, i didn’t respond too.
i decided to keep the profile up for one day, just go on two dates, and close
the account.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
after weeding out the potentials, the hell no’s, the lol’s,
and the no-thank-you-my-nubian-sister’s…I went on two dates: one black, one
white.<o:p></o:p></div>
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two dates. one day.<br />
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<b><u>first the white girl…teacher, 33.</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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ok…in the picture she sent me, she was a 9. when i actually
met up with her, it was the same girl, but….she was a 4. she was built like a mexican
maid. this was the most “happy to be out woman” i’ve ever encountered. she
spent 5 mins. praising the décor, the LIT’s, the waitress…anything that was in
the bar, she was pleased with. the one thing you need to know about this date
was she spent 20 to 30 minutes talking about why the rap game needed
more of lupe fiasco. when she made her point, i wrapped it up. that’s a strong
no-no.</div>
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<br />
<b><u>black girl:</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she was kinda slow. i noticed this from jump. she
suggested we meet at a certain lounge in charlotte she frequents often….i get
there before her….and she calls to tell me she can’t find the lounge; although,
she has a GPS in her BMW. i’m at the bar and have already ordered a drink while
I’m waiting on her. she shows up and has an attitude. complains that I didn’t put
forth the effort to help her find the place, completely forgetting the fact
that she suggested the spot. i make a quick joke, she relaxes, and proceeds to
tell me about her life: she’s 28. no job. she’d been married twice…she could’ve
said she shot OJ after those three things because i wasn’t paying attention. she
had a great body though. jammers were out. nice ass. she’s talking and she starts to like me more
based on her talking more…i honestly just lobbed layup questions so she could
talk about herself…..then it was time to wrap it up. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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she said she had a great time, and wanted to go on an
official date. stated i had potential…and that she wanted me to meet her mother
at the cheesecake factory to introduce myself to the family…sometimes people
say things and you want to let them down with care, this was not one of those
times. i had to let her know, and give no room for hope or error. i wish i would’ve
smashed first and then not gone to cheesecake Factory. however, based on her
seeming kinda crazy, that’s some pussy you can keep, and her pussy prolly had
some mileage…this led me to wonder what the over/under is for cheesecake factory
dates her mom has had with her. based on being married twice at 28, and the
size of her yaddameans, i’m going at least 20. niggas are clever and will wait
for sex.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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i saw the black girl out a few weekends ago….she fell off.
back then, she was a 9. now, she’s a 3. she had the look of a woman who hates
her kid, for what the kid did to her body.<o:p></o:p></div>
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them perky jammers just look sad now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Bob Georgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15609945376158738653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-53427924454379043742013-10-28T10:15:00.004-04:002013-10-28T14:05:07.765-04:00How to spot a "Kimmy"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DcI8-qZaYXc/Um5wdz3ZCtI/AAAAAAAAAWk/AMCxoU9AULQ/s1600/kim.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DcI8-qZaYXc/Um5wdz3ZCtI/AAAAAAAAAWk/AMCxoU9AULQ/s320/kim.jpeg" width="319" /></a></div>
So were calling them "Kimmy's" tentatively. It didn't take long to come up with, it kind of flowed and we decided that its at least a decent place holder until we come up with something better....Forgive me, it would seem as though you've entered in the middle of a conversation. Well then you'd be correct. Me and Brudda J have been talking about this for a minute and when I say "minute" I mean maybe a couple of days. Ok let me get to the meat of this. I and some other 5ivebruhs contributors have come to the conclusion that very much like women and their "gaydar" Black men particularly of the millennial generation have developed an evolved perception which allows us to determine (sometimes on sight) if a white woman likes Black dudes. We have not figured out what we will call this perception but we have determined what we will call the women. I will refer you to the first sentence. "Kimmy's" as you might have surmised is a reference to the famed socialite and newly wed of the superproducer Kanye West. Fitting. Dont' you agree? Of course you do. Now in order to make this post remotely worth reading I would be remiss if I did not give some of the less obvious signs that a white woman like's prefers or would consider dating sleeping with or marrying a Black man. This science is incredibly flawed and to call is "science" is admittedly laughable but I think we've all figured that out by now. Anyway, this, like women's gaydar, is a very delicate and situationally oriented perceptual theory for which research has been collected for many years. Let us take a journey into the history of popular media to some of the more culturally relevant examples of this phenomenon. The first that comes to mind for me is "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". Brown man, lilly white woman catches everyone off guard. No man would have been able to guess she was into black dudes especially in that time. Made for a great flick but I have a better example. "To Kill a Mockingbird" If you haven't seen the movie then you're slippin but MayElla in this film exhibits text book "Kimmy" behavior. She was having this strong black dude come over and do house work until one day when she asked him to bust up that damn chifferobe she could no longer contain her "Kimmy" and jumped his ass. Classic. <br />
<br />
Now to expedite this post I will run the risk of making this more offensive than it already has been or would be if I could explain these in full detail. I will now retreat to the list-post cliche. Forgive me.<br />
<br />
She might be a "Kimmy" if....<br />
<br />
She has red hair - Dont ask me why it just seems to be a trend<br />
<br />
She has studied abroad to Africa or Central America <br />
<br />
She is from another country - England, Eastern Europe, The Caribbean Islands are your best bets not South Africa though or any South American countries, not sure why.<br />
<br />
Her best friend is black<br />
<br />
If she isn't rail thin (which is a nice way of saying if she has what a Black man would describe as a fat ass)<br />
<br />
She wears puffy jackets in the winter<br />
<br />
She owns a pair of Timberlands<br />
<br />
She is visibly a hipster <br />
<br />
She knows who Juicy J is<br />
<br />
Martin Luther King is her hero<br />
<br />
She played organized sports in highschool and/or college<br />
<br />
She talks about how cute mixed babies are<br />
<br />
<br />
Let me say this before you judge. I guarantee you EVERY black man who has gone to college has experienced at least 3 of the above generalized pigeon holed stereotype-based descriptions. We just now have a name for what they are and can further collect data for future research to prepare our young brown youth.<br />
<br />
And to the closet "Kimmy's" I would suggest you DFTF...if you dont know what that is, this link might help ---> <a href="http://5ivebruhs.blogspot.com/2011/01/dftf.html">http://5ivebruhs.blogspot.com/2011/01/dftf.html</a>Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-33436131434136980062013-10-21T23:00:00.003-04:002013-10-22T09:10:25.147-04:00martin luther king jr.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8aKsrUtcTQs/UmXneELb5MI/AAAAAAAAAgU/be04nhaRfaA/s1600/6040104_f260.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8aKsrUtcTQs/UmXneELb5MI/AAAAAAAAAgU/be04nhaRfaA/s640/6040104_f260.jpg" width="484" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">imma grow up....and get ALL da hoes.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-u8WHpNea8gg/UmXmsIzaV7I/AAAAAAAAAgA/GXWV8lLK6Ms/s1600/martin-luther-king-jr-gesturing-everett.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z7jwaUSewIM/UmXmCrjUXdI/AAAAAAAAAe8/eWw8MmTuTi4/s1600/photo+2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z7jwaUSewIM/UmXmCrjUXdI/AAAAAAAAAe8/eWw8MmTuTi4/s640/photo+2.PNG" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">in the case of 5 mo. old Jefferson Davis King....Martin, you are NOT the father.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uHE9WgvO3Yg/UmXnecp87_I/AAAAAAAAAgo/1ggTrPXWAko/s640/Martin-Luther-King-Jr-9365086-2-402.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">i fucked three of your hoes and UOENO </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Pgx1bxB9w-A/UmXnfbPjnPI/AAAAAAAAAhA/PH3BNDPK5I4/s1600/photo+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Pgx1bxB9w-A/UmXnfbPjnPI/AAAAAAAAAhA/PH3BNDPK5I4/s640/photo+1.PNG" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">what these bitches want from us?</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zNkdro_3XqI/UmXneP1y2rI/AAAAAAAAAgI/DkBEkNE-ZJQ/s1600/Martin+Luther+King+Jr+Infamous+mugshots+4RvZX1TdTG0l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zNkdro_3XqI/UmXneP1y2rI/AAAAAAAAAgI/DkBEkNE-ZJQ/s640/Martin+Luther+King+Jr+Infamous+mugshots+4RvZX1TdTG0l.jpg" width="534" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">caught hustlin work...real niggas do real things. suited and booted.<br /><br /></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1apswJLSp0g/UmXneJUzGrI/AAAAAAAAAgc/0lRTQNFvkFw/s1600/CathPT_MLK_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1apswJLSp0g/UmXneJUzGrI/AAAAAAAAAgc/0lRTQNFvkFw/s640/CathPT_MLK_1.jpg" width="542" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sweet potato smile<br /><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w54Dscbc94s/UmXnfwfyByI/AAAAAAAAAhI/8aPZOtUlAAs/s1600/photo+3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w54Dscbc94s/UmXnfwfyByI/AAAAAAAAAhI/8aPZOtUlAAs/s640/photo+3.PNG" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BITCH BETTA HAVE MY $$$<br /><br /></td></tr>
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Bob Georgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15609945376158738653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-74830963676772143282013-10-21T12:24:00.000-04:002013-10-21T12:28:14.999-04:005ivebruhs the Podcast?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yeah I said it! I've been wanting to do this for awhile now. Me and Bob George( the 5ivebruhs contributor if you didnt know) have been talking this idea for a couple months now. Unbenounced to me he had the idea before I did and had been an avid podcast listener for a minute. I however didn't quite know there was even a big enough audience for a podcast but have recently been bitten by the podcast bug. I think it would be a fantastic idea. Being a musician and sound guru I love opportunities to record and create format and I think we can put together a pretty entertaining show bringing a voice (pun intended) to our contributors and be able to express a little more of our personalities, plus I think it'll just be a lot of fun!<br />
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We have been lucky enough to get a pretty strong following recently and we've been thinking about ways that we can take the blog to another level and this would be a perfect time to do it if you ask me. Months ago when we first were in talks about a podcast I was still a new listener and I knew I was going to need to do some more research if we were going to start this. I began digging through the internet and found some podcast that I now listen to on a consistent basis. Some of them are funny, some are informative and some rachet, some I can't listen to everyday some I can't wait to hear what the next episode has in store. Its become my new pastime at work to have something coming through the speakers during work or downtime or the rare moment I get in the gym. What I love about podcasts is also what I love about the internet. No rules (yet). We can be as crude and funny and inappropriate or just as real as we want and its up to you the audience to determine the popularity of it not the FCC. I just think that the internet and social media gives us a lot of opportunity to share opinions and open up dialogue and the blog is a fun way to do this but a podcast has intfinitely more possibility. Let us know what you think about the idea in the comments below. I'd like to get this started soon in the coming months!<br />
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Here are some podcasts that I've been listening to lately:<br />
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Bomani Jones - <a href="http://www.theeveningjones.com/" target="_blank">The Evening Jones</a> (Sports Pop Culture)<br />
Combat Jack - <a href="http://thecombatjackshow.com/" target="_blank">The Combat Jack Show</a> (Hip Hop Culture)<br />
DJ Ben Hameens - <a href="http://fanbros.com/" target="_blank">Fan Bros</a> (Black Nerd Central) *also a great blog<br />
Kid Fury's - <a href="http://sofurious.com/category/the-read/" target="_blank">The Read</a> ( Sometimes Kid Fury is just a little tooo gay for me to listen to and for that reason I will cut the podcast short, but he's still funny as shit!)<br />
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less ferequently i'll check out...<br />
Marc Maron's - <a href="http://www.wtfpod.com/" target="_blank">WTF</a><br />
Will Sasso and Chris Delia's - <a href="http://tenminutepodcast.com/" target="_blank">Ten Minute Podcast</a>Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-83304239612415596342013-10-16T08:46:00.001-04:002013-10-16T09:43:28.517-04:00Financial Tips for Our Generation (Automatic Budgeting and Saving)<div style="text-align: justify;">
I usually like to start my posts with disclaimers, and this will be no exception. I am in no way a financial advisor. This is a post for people who are looking for an easy way to start/improve your budgeting. You would have to speak to another author of this blog for investments and such as that is his expertise and career. I do, however, work with money and budgets in my job. I've also been characterized as frugal, thrifty (my new favorite) and "the cheapest and most money conscious mutha fugga I know" on more occasions (Jonny Casanova) then I care to share. I've helped my parents get their finances in order, friends and my live-in. I enjoy helping people with some of the tips and things I have learned that make me a bit more fiscally responsible. In this day and age there are alot of means to budget electronically that everyone doesn't know that can make budgeting automatic. There are a four pillars to this automatic budget strategy. Income, bills, savings and allotments/accounts. Also learn to utilize spreadsheets. Put that education to work pimpin.</div>
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<u><b>I n c o m e </b></u></div>
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<a href="http://business.blogs.starnewsonline.com/files/2012/11/income_626_article.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="http://business.blogs.starnewsonline.com/files/2012/11/income_626_article.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="150" src="http://business.blogs.starnewsonline.com/files/2012/11/income_626_article.jpg" width="200" /></a>Know what you make. I'm surprised by how many people that ask me about finances that have no idea how much money they make each month after taxes. This will be your barometer for everything you do. Look at your pay stubs for your net income as that's all that really matter. Uncle Sam is going to get his until you die. Chalk it up as a loss. If you get paid twice a month, times the net income on one pay stub by two. You now have your monthly income. Don't worry about those months you get three paychecks or whatever. Trust me, its always better to low ball it. If you work on commission, give yourself a modest estimate. I'll tell you why later.</div>
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<u><b>B i l l s </b></u></div>
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<a href="http://gbayer.com/v2-wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Paying-Bills.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://gbayer.com/v2-wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Paying-Bills.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="132" src="http://gbayer.com/v2-wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Paying-Bills.jpg" width="200" /></a>First off, fuck em. Now that that's out of all of our systems time to add them up. There are fixed bills and variable bills. <i><u>Fixed</u></i> bills include things that just won't change from month to month by more than $10. Rent/mortgate, utilities (I'll tell you how to make utilities fixed next paragraph), student loans, minimum credit card payments, car note and insurance, and home/renters insurance are some of the heavy hitters. Time to factor in your <i><u>variable</u></i> bills. These include things that can change every month depending on use. This is where you can save some money if possible. Groceries, gas, transportation means (if you use public) are the first ones that come to mind for me, but you probably have others. Be very generous with this number, nothing worse than spending more than you planned. Keep fixed and variable bills separate but they will both be taken from your income but you might be able to find wiggle room in variable costs. You should have a number now. Look at it and say fuck em again. Feels good right?</div>
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Utilities can be made fixed by calling up your water, gas and electric company and seeing if they offer budget billing or monthly installment options. This is where they take the average amount of utilities you or the previous tenant use and charge you that amount whether you go over or under. Try your damndest to be conservative and always be under that average no matter the time of year but especially in winter since you shouldn't be running the a/c. You'll receive a check when they re-average it every six months or so. It'll make you smile when you get it because its your money. I'm under about $40 a month by opening windows and running fans. Six months times $40 means I'll get about a $200 check. Nice! (in my Fabolous voice) If your utilities don't offer budget programs, add them to variable bills. Won't make too big of a difference I think. </div>
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<b><u>S a v i n g s</u></b></div>
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Now add what you want to be SAVING per month to your bills. IT IS A BILL. You owe yourself for being awesome homie. Pay up. You should figure out what you want to see in your savings in six months realistically and put that much away before you even see your check. This is the key to this strategy. You'll do this with the next step in allotments. This category is your everything, you can't afford to forsake it. Even if its only $100/mo, make it happen and do AS MUCH as you can. This is the account that needs to see growth every month no matter what.</div>
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<u><b>A l l o t m e n t s/A c c o u n t s </b></u></div>
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Allotments are just money separation. Most employers pay in allotments if you do direct deposit. I'm not sure on the limits for everyone, but usually there is more than one. My job offers up to 8 allotments. Allotments are basically where you want your money to go for doing your job. I have four personally that I use. I term them as follows: <i>long term savings , short term savings, real life checking </i>and my <i>fun checking</i>. </div>
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<i>Long term savings</i> are for big future purposes like cars, homes, grad school and retirement.</div>
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<i>Short term savings</i> are for bigger rainy day purchases you didn't see coming like unexpected car repairs. I put up like $30/month. It may not fully cover the expense, but it can definitely help chunk them down when they come.</div>
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<i>Real life checking</i> is for all those bills you added up earlier. The absolute minimum you can put in here is all of the bills you added up plus $100-$200. If you can afford more, dump all the left over money here for now. Unless you're balling and can save a ton, this should receive your biggest allotment.</div>
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<i>Fun checking</i> is for things like eating out, hitting up happy hour, video games, getting nails did etc. Anything you don't NEED should come from this account. If you want a new big TV work on saving the money in this account. Eat out less, drink less, video game less to get that big fun purchase.</div>
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If for some reason your job doesn't do direct deposit no worries. Its 2013 and you can do all of your banking online and you should. Its easy to learn and easy to monitor, If you know what days you get paid set up recurring transfers to the accounts you've set up in the amounts you've budgeted. I use Bank of America and you can call right now and tell them to give you an e-checking account and its free. You'll even get a debit card for it for free. I'm sure your bank has some version of this.</div>
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<u><b>T h e S t r a t e g y</b></u></div>
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If you've made it this far, its time to put it into action. If your employer can do the allotments, tell them how you want them, and that's it. If no allotments, just set up the recurring transfers I described above instead. I was using the four allotments I spoke about before, though I recently set up a recurring transfer from my<i> real life checking</i> to my <i>fun checking</i> weekly (since I get paid bi-weekly). I let the recurring transfer for <i>fun checking</i> hit on Thursday night so I know my "allowance" for each weekend/week rather than for two weeks. Just easier I feel. So I guess my employer only has three allotments now since I combined two. They are still separate accounts. When its spent, its spent. No exceptions for "fun". You could also give yourself cash in place of the fun account, but I like my debit card. </div>
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Set up all your bills to be paid automatically at the fixed amounts. I set my dates for rent on the first and utilities on the 15th. It happens without me having to even think about it although I do monitor is often to ensure its going according to plan. So nice. Adjust amounts as you see fit as you go along as nothing works out perfectly the first time. </div>
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<a href="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/yanc/yanc0805/yanc080500036/3017557-internet-banking-with-a-business-man-happy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/yanc/yanc0805/yanc080500036/3017557-internet-banking-with-a-business-man-happy.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="133" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/yanc/yanc0805/yanc080500036/3017557-internet-banking-with-a-business-man-happy.jpg" width="200" /></a>Watch your savings grow with every pay check without fail. You'll love it. Also, set an upper and lower limit for your <i>real life checking</i> account. Take your total bills a month and add $500-$1000 if you can. Then on around the 25th of the month, make sure that account is within <span class="Unicode">±</span>$300. If you've followed the strategy so far, you will definitely be on the plus side. If its over $300 over, move the excess to your<i> long term savings</i>. Bonus time for being good! Example: Your bills are $1000 so your checking goal at the end of the month should be <span class="Unicode">$2000</span><span class="Unicode"> ($1700-$2300 to allow the </span><span class="Unicode">±$300). If its above $2300 and sits at $2400, move $100 to long term savings or stash it in short term savings for that big trip you want to take. My strategy is all about hiding your money from the person who endangers it the most. Yourself.</span></div>
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<span class="Unicode">That's about it. Happy budgeting. If anything is unclear or you have a suggestion, leave a comment. I'd be glad to clarify or discuss.We can all improve.</span></div>
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<span class="Unicode">Deuces.</span></div>
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Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-13587268245983836562013-10-15T00:01:00.002-04:002013-10-15T08:51:03.856-04:00twitter HOFim quick to favorite a tweet i like...anything involving chicken, good beer, and a classic black pop culture reference, and i'm prolly gonna tap that favorite button. here are a few of my favorite tweets in my short twitter career. @hibelk<br />
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my top three:</div>
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3. </div>
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2,</div>
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Bob Georgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15609945376158738653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-72370848383411732622013-10-10T11:47:00.003-04:002013-10-14T22:18:59.314-04:00Dear #Scandal, I'm Sorry...<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-RtJERmupg48/UlyjgkBXiWI/AAAAAAAAAV8/Eht3S7JVZ7A/s640/blogger-image-969008087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-RtJERmupg48/UlyjgkBXiWI/AAAAAAAAAV8/Eht3S7JVZ7A/s640/blogger-image-969008087.jpg"></a><div>I have been planning to rip this show to shreds for a long time and with its return for a 3rd season I was fully prepared to take advantage right here on 5ivebruhs. Before 2 weeks ago I hadnt watched a full episode and have watched semi silently as my twitter became clogged with tweets about someone named Olivia Pope and Huck and sidechicks and presidents. I was really confused and didnt really care to join into the live tweet session if it meant i had to watch a show I had predetermined to be pretty terrible. I let the first two seasons pass me by without even trying it out and then i remembered times where I prejudged some widely popular shit and almost missed out on something awesome (ie Breaking Bad). In an attempt to avoid potentially missing a groundbreaking moment in television I broke down and tried to watch the 1st episode of Season 1. For me, the Pilot is like a first date, impress me or you're done. With all the hype around Scandal I was a little underwhelmed and the hater within me didnt let me even finish it admittedly.<div><br></div><div>Now the title suggest a stark turn in this story and I'm getting to that. In my experience its much better to ride a wave than to try and fight it. The same has been true with Scandal. I knew that if I wanted my twitter back I was either gonna have to watch the show and join in the ratchetry or watch the show so i could have enough ammo to shit on all the people watching it ESPECIALLY the dudes. You see I believed this show was for women. Pretty easy mistake to make. Its called "Scandal" for starters and it brands itself to be about infedelity and a women exercising the power of the p*ssy in expert fashion. So i watched it. I struggled through the first episode once again but powered through and a funny thing happened. I started to like this shit. I finally found out why all these dudes were coming outta the "Scandal closet" on twitter finally. **the Scandal closet was the place where all the dudes were hiding where they didnt wanna admit they been watching Scandal since day one cuz they didnt wanna look soft on twitter** anyway I see why they came out on twitter and joined the social media discussion. Its a good show. Certainly the best thing I've seen on network TV. Full of drama and political intrigue, carefully woven plot lines and though some story arcs lack some verisimilitude, the character development and their mysterious backstories alone are enough to keep you coming back. I am now completely caught up and excited for Thursday where I will be glued to the television, i phone in hand ready to join the twitter discussion at every expertly placed new plot twist. In short, Im sorry #Scandal. I missjudged you.</div><div><br></div><div>Sincerely,</div><div><br></div><div>Jonny</div></div>Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-37005460391029206082013-10-09T10:13:00.002-04:002013-10-09T10:13:42.477-04:00What if Guys Had the Powers of Chicks?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Throughout life there are several things you tend to notice on the social scene and specifically on interactions between women and men. For most guys in my generation, and this comes from personal experience, alcohol is liquid courage and women have all the power. Recently, I went out with a few friends for a night in DC. Same as always, we drink, talk, laugh and meet new people. I've had this question/thought for a while now, so I'm just going to put a scenario out there and let you think on it. What if guys had the powers of chicks? </div>
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Real quick sidenote: I often generalize because most generalizations are true and come from truth just like stereotypes. Save your self righteousness buddy.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_eCeLBv5lJdg/TDqIa0bxjGI/AAAAAAAACMo/QOO-EGcIJgQ/s1600/daria_281x211.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_eCeLBv5lJdg/TDqIa0bxjGI/AAAAAAAACMo/QOO-EGcIJgQ/s400/daria_281x211.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_eCeLBv5lJdg/TDqIa0bxjGI/AAAAAAAACMo/QOO-EGcIJgQ/s200/daria_281x211.jpg" width="200" /></a>During the aforementioned excursion, a friend of mine and I ended up wandering to a gay bar for some wings. Yes, just for the wings. Didn't feel right ordering <a href="http://www.roadfood.com/photos/3215.JPG" target="_blank">half smokes (joke intended).</a> The wings were alright, we've both had better, but the women seemed to find us harmless. A lot of them came up to make conversation with us. This rarely happens. There's magic in a gay bar and we didn't mind it. Eventually two of these fearless women took up permanent real estate with us and we conversed for some time. I noticed that the woman my friend was talking to looked rather unfriendly. Didn't really smile or give off the most welcoming aura, and very soon she decided the time had come for her to make her way home because "she was tired". She reminded me very much of Daria from that old MTV cartoon. It really just appeared that she wasn't about having fun and being young. I'm so about that life. About 2 minutes later my buddy approached, looking a bit tired/defeated, and said he was also going home. When I asked about "Daria" he shrugged told me she was mean and boring. He left. Turns out when he got outside she asked him to split a cab and once in asked him "your place or mine?" out of the blue. She then took him home and they hooked up. She then rudely asked him to leave by informing him that "...you don't need a key if you want to leave" as soon as the fun was over. </div>
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As a guy, you can't pretend like she's a jerk, rude or anything like that. Man code would call you a bitch. You simply bounce. No need for pleasantries. These DC women are something else. But this did cause my age old thought about what if guys had the power of chicks. Don't get me wrong, dudes can totally run game on a chick and take her home. He can also be blunt and find that chick who is down for the sticking. They are out there. But I have to imagine the percentages between the blunt approach to the hook up leans heavily to the side that a guy would say yes than a lady. </div>
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I presented a few guy friends this scenario and asked them how they would respond. If an average chick asks you home with no fluff would you do it? I'm talking she's not Paula Patton but not Whoopi Goldberg, not Halle Berry but not Gabrielle Sidibe, no Einstein but not a Republican (furlough still got me tight) would you do the pants off dance off? While everyone of them said it would depend on blah blah blah the answer was usually something like, "Haha, maaaaaan.... *sigh* Yeah. I'd take her down. Its the man thing to do." I only got through two women before I had enough data. These two women are very culturally diverse first off. The guy described is super average and not a murderer or something crazy in the least. Just wants a hook up. One of them said that she would try to joke it off, but if he was serious she would walk away in disgust. The other girl got so offended that I had to ask her answer, the convo ended there. Research is done. If you don't like it, write your own blog. (Or you could just read this <a href="http://www.elainehatfield.com/79.pdf" target="_blank">http://www.elainehatfield.com/79.pdf</a>) </div>
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Now imagine if this was reversed, or rather that women had the same mentality of guys and would just be down for the pound. The world would be in flames. I'm talking real fire and also gonorrhea and syphilis. I fully believe many bars would go out of business for lack of patronage and we'd be over populated like China. Most of the time, guys only go out to look at and pursue women. If we could ask a girl at Target to go home and she said yes, we can save money and pick up a frozen pizza. Most dudes I know would be perfectly content staying at the crib playing video games, watching TV and having a beer if random women were constantly walking in and out of their living room. And if they choose to get up and talk to one, they would. That's the perfect life. Now maybe I'm only speaking in terms of what I know and see here in DC, but this is where I've been my entire adult life. I do have a feeling that this thought is pretty much universal. The power of the V is far greater than anything a man could handle. Sure there are the guys out there who can get it any and every way, but I say fuck them (Ryan Gosling Boris Kodjoe). They don't live how 99% of us dudes who actually need to put in SOME type of work for that wonk. Most women literally could walk in, point at a fella, wave him over and walk out 9 out of 10 nights a week. I fully support this statement. If a guy walks in and points and waves a girl over more than likely she'll pretend he doesn't exist. That some powerful stuff you got there ladies. Use it wisely.</div>
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Not trying to be ground breaking here, just what was on my mind this morning at 6am. Yes, it was. Don't ask why. Deuces.</div>
Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-81335381276706162182013-10-02T11:32:00.000-04:002013-10-02T11:39:56.518-04:00Furlough Hangover <div style="text-align: justify;">
I am one of those unessential employees. That means my job evidently doesn't matter enough for me to get paid when these fucks on the hill can't get it together. While they still make their money, thousands of us are not getting paid and at risk for never seeing this money once its all said and done. Its some shit. I'm not one of the most political people and I don't declare myself republican or democrat. I'd rather not have to defend an entire party on their decisions. I'll decide how I feel on issues as they present themselves. I'm a bit conservative on many social issues but I do support the mission of the liberals. With that said, right now I'm on some fuck republicans in the house.</div>
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Republicans are trying to smoke screen the bigger issue by making this shut down about the affordable healthcare act. Its done. Its not going anywhere and they know that. Really, the issue is that they don't want to see Obama succeed. And being honest, its partially because he's black. Never has there been such opposition to a president and questioning his decision making. Is he less intelligent than previous presidents? Do all presidents make mistakes? I don't believe you can say the fact that Obama is black has nothing with me sitting at home right now writing this blog. You can't, but I implore you to try. The republicans have to be the saltiest cats on earth right now. The election was last year and you lost. Bow out gracefully, don't stick around and try to sabotage what happens from that point forward. America made their decision on who they wanted to see control this country. If we've made a mistake, it is ours to make. I've have never seen such a public display of childish behavior in a professional environment in my life. And guess what? These people aren't seeing their paychecks docked or taken away. They are "The Essential Ones". I wonder if I can tell my apartment complex people my rent this month isn't an essential payment of mine?</div>
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For those of you who read this and are not living int he DMV area, I'll tell you what life is like here right now. Yesterday, I get to work at 7am (an hour later than normal) to sign a form that tells me I don't have a job until they pass a budget or continuing resolution. We were told we would get 4 hours of pay for driving into work and having an "orderly shut down". After being there for about 2 hours, we were told to take that 4 hours of pay out of our timesheets and to fill the whole day with furlough time. Everyone at work, especially my supervisor who drives 2 and half hours one way to work, was livid. Rightfully so. We then we leave to go home and sit in traffic because all of the government released at the same time. Just a great morning.</div>
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Around noon, a group of friends and I decide to take advantage of all the deals in DC because of the furlough. I got a free burger from Z-Burger and several free and discounted drinks at bars all over the city. We walked the whole way because ain't nobody got cash for cabs. Around 9pm I head home to sleep. I now write this to you with a furlough hangover.</div>
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Yesterday it seemed like a fun free for all for government workers. Today its the hangover and the realization of what's really happening. Our minds were too clouded with the abnormality for a Tuesday, but reality is sitting in that this could be the norm for the foreseeable future. It sucks. I hate going to work everyday, but I love making money. I only like blogging. I wish I could get paid for this shit. Oh well, time for me to play Grand Theft Auto 5. Enjoy your day, and if you're getting paid, thank the Lord.</div>
Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-88136999403210295772013-10-01T09:07:00.000-04:002013-10-01T09:12:53.108-04:00Breaking Bad Finale “Felina”<div class="MsoNormal">
If you haven’t seen the show, I don’t know what the fuck you
are doing with your life. However, this is your spoiler alert.</div>
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Quick recap from Sunday, now that I’ve had 24 hours to
process the information: Walt’s dead, Uncle Jack and the Nazi’s are gone, Lydia
= deceased, and of course Jesse killed Todd, and lived. How we arrived at this
point is the important part. God I’m going to miss this show.</div>
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The previous episode, Mr. Lambert (Walter White), is living
in New Hampshire and crying in a bar after his son, Flynn tells him to “hurry
up and die”. Flynn refused to take Walt’s money. Up to this point, Walt is
living in a shack in New Hampshire. No visitors. No communication to the
outside world. And the reason why he started this Meth caper, for his family,
has finally crumbled to pieces. This was the nail in the coffin for Walt to see
the damage he has caused. Instantly this changes from sadness to anger upon
seeing Elliot and Gretchen Schwartz. <br />
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Walt believes he was cheated out of his fair share of the company, Grey Matter,
even though he sold his portion of the company for $5,000. Walt needed the
money as a young married man expecting a baby. The company went on to become a multi-billion
dollar tech company. Walt became a chemistry teacher with cancer, making
$43,000, and working part-time at a car wash. With a genius IQ, he
underachieved. He knew he underachieved. What’s worse, he reminded himself
everyday by checking on the company’s stock prices….this is what fuels Walt
during his ascension from “drug dealer” to “kingpin in the empire business”. He
was able to do something, albeit illegal but still something, exceptionally well
and in his realm of expertise, chemistry.<br />
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His skills at making meth and his
need for the money, proved to be a dangerous combination towards rebuilding his
broken self-esteem. When he saw the Grey Matter couple on TV, he realized two
things: he wanted “revenge” on the couple, and his family, especially his son,
was going to take his money. Living in New Hampshire with $11M dollars and
nothing to share it with or do with the money, wasn’t his idea of living. In
true Heisenberg arrogance, he calls the police on himself, posing as an
informant, and makes his way for New Mexico. Acting as a New York Times
reporter, he receives the address for the Schwartz family, and decides to pay
them a visit. Walt tells them they will deliver $9M to Walt Jr. in the form of
a trust upon his 18<sup>th</sup> birthday (Walt is able to get revenge on his
son in this manner by FORCING his son to take his money). Vince Gilligan threw
the fans a bone by having Skinny Pete and Badger back in the finale, acting as
hired snipers to insure fear in the Grey Matter couple. For that, I am thankful.<br />
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Walt stops by to see Skylar (who was warned by Marie) and
Holly and finally reveals to his wife that he did this for himself. He was good
at it. The lie he eventually talked himself into believing, long after he had
made his money, was a lie he could no longer tell. This revelation is when
Skylar definitely knew her husband would soon die.<br />
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At this point, Walt begins to cover any loose ends that
could potentially come back and harm his family. He poisons Lydia. Rigging a
machine gun to the trunk of his car, he kills Uncle Jack and the Nazi’s by the
only method fitting for the show, science.
Another Gilligan bone throw is Jesse choking the life out of Todd. His
main nemesis the final season. Shoutout to @WilshireRoyalty</div>
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The most important relationship Walt has had the last two
years has been with Jesse Pinkman. After blackmailing him into a meth
partnership, Walt has been the father figure Jesse should’ve never had. The final
scene between them shows Walt staring down Jesse. Jesse ready for death. Shackled
like a 1670’s Black man. Only to be saved by the man who left him to die in the
desert. In the end, Jesse remained true to his word and backed up his previous
declaration to Walt over the phone stating “I’m not doing anything else for
you. You want something done, do it yourself.” Jesse, seeing Walt literally
take a bullet for him, leaves him to die after giving him a head nod and
refusing to kill him. Walt dies in peace. Surrounded by beakers, a makeshift
meth lab, and the one thing that made him feel alive and give him an identity
for the last two years of his life.</div>
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So where does this leave us….For one, I can’t complain with
how the show ended. Granted, while this is the happiest possible ending for all
parties involved, it also makes the most sense, given Vince Gilligan’s nature
for closure. For this, I thank him. We did not have to experience another
Sopranos or Seinfeld ambiguous finale. Gilligan crossed all t’s, and dotted all
i’s. The protagonist/antagonist of the show is a chemist. Exact closure is to
be expected and mandatory. For this, the finale did not surprise. It simply
informed the bottom line of what was going to occur. Walt was going to die. This what evident to me
the episode where he was watching Scarface with his children and says “everyone
in this movie dies.” But to die peacefully in the meth lab, it felt a little
too perfect. And this is the making of a great show, with everyone expecting
one thing, Gilligan gave us another. Same score. He knew what would work, and
this was consistent with the show leading up to this moment. In the season 4
finale, Walt was able to poison Brock, kill Gus, Hector Salamanca, and Tyrus,
and save his life and Jesse’s. The story is: Walt will always win, even in
death. </div>
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Now, I can focus on basketball and football season. But, cheer
up, beautiful people….this where you get to make it right © Walt……the show
lives on via NetFlix.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Bob Georgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15609945376158738653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-12800638980876851902013-09-26T12:02:00.002-04:002013-09-26T13:22:31.228-04:00Songs about ASS...Don't Dare Judge Me!Sometimes I feel like posting music shit on 5ivebruhs for me is just a cop out. I like to challenge myself and as a musician who can talk about the subject for hours I fight the urge to make it a habit on this format. I will say this. As a musician I have had to evolve in terms of taste level. As a young man and student of music in college I was the biggest snob of music ever. Rap had to have a message. Dance music post 1989 might as well have never existed. If you didn't get Jazz you were an idiot. It was bad. And it was stupid. For years I shut myself off of some great music. Later on I adopted a new philosophy and allowed myself to experience new music and to appreciate the shit that before I would have judged you for listening to making me a much more satisfied listener. What adopting this philosophy also did was make me the local rap police. Basically the defender of all things rap against the tyranny of the judgemental white person. I remember once about a year and a half ago while in grad school I was at a party drunk as all hell and Im pretty sure I was the only Black dude there. Some white dude made a negative statement about whatever popular rap song of the time whose subject was "ass". Mannn I got mad, not because he was talking about rap but because he didnt know shit about rap. His mocking of my beloved "stripper rap" hit me to the core. I was immediately transported to sweaty college parties where multicolor vats of alcoholic Kool Aid spilled onto perspiring lynolium floors and shirts ceased to be a requirement after the first hour of dancing your ass off. I got mad because I knew that dude that was talking all that shit have never experienced an awesome party like that so he had no room to talk about songs about ass. I love songs about ass. They dont try to trick you into thinking they have a deeper message. They're straight to the point. And honestly what straight man would dislike a song that once the play button is pressed has a Weekend at Bernies 2 affect on woman's asses? Now with that said here are my favorite songs about ASS. Some are CLASSICS some are fairly new, all of them inspire the kind of acrobatics you only see in places with now windows. Gotta love that.<br />
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So here it is. No particular order but the last one is number 1 which needs to be acknowledged.<br />
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A$$-Big Sean<br />
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Clappers - Wale<br />
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Doing the Butt- EU<br />
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Bands a Make her Dance- Juicy Jay<br />
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Donk-Souljah Boy<br />
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Ms New Booty-Bubba Sparxxx<br />
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Back that Azz Up-Juvenile<br />
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And I KNOW you got some ones to add to this so comment below and let me know what you think!Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-38846256390357941632013-09-25T08:35:00.002-04:002013-09-25T08:35:26.478-04:00A Male's Blunt Perspective on Life's Relationships<br />
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Bare with me on this one, it might sound a little disjointed, but I've had some recent conversations and experiences that have sparked this article.</div>
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Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I can say what I've concluded. There are huge differences in the way guys see the relationships they have in their lives versus how women view theirs. Why do we subject ourselves to relationships in the first place? Is it a primal instinct derived from the times when community meant survival? If so, is that really necessary now? Those who choose not to have these stabilized relationships are usually seen as "weird" or in a lot of cases "socially awkward" but I feel there is more to it. To go along with the mental illness article written last week, how often is it said that these people that perform these heinous acts have social issues. Think of how much pressure society puts on every person, its honestly not a surprise that people are snapping left and right. Hell I feel at any moment I can have pressure to snap, but I guess my "saneness" prevents that. Whatever.</div>
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I've had several conversations with my male friends about what it takes to be a good friend or companion. Whether its been a drunken rant between us or a thoughtful analytic conversation, there was one theme they continued to pop up. And its all about getting "screwed over". But how crazy is that? You allow someone to get close to you as long as
you don't fail. You don't have to excel at being my friend, you just
have to not be terrible. Honor roll isn't necessary, and D's are technically still passing, just don't make an F. I'm sure all of the "D" students I knew from high school are doing awesome in life.</div>
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When I think about the friends that I have and that I'm closest with and trust, there's no real common factors minus they have never really screwed me over. Sure we all have our selfish moments in life, but the genuine people care enough to explain their stance on a situation to seek understanding. Women struggle with this. Please let me know the last time you heard a woman admit she was wrong and that a guy was right. They may say it in a sly way, but they simply can't say the words. And if you're a woman, have you said these words, ever? Why can't you just admit that guys are sometimes right?</div>
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I don't think I'm perfect, but I will admit if I've done something adverse to someone inadvertently. I have a best friend that I do not get along with, at all. You would honestly think we hated each other. Our other friends have often said to us, "Man, I don't see how y'all are friends". Were hard on each other and have almost come to blows on <u>several</u> occasions, but there are not many people I trust as much as him and its hard to think of anyone I trust more. For a guy, that's all it really takes. As guys, we can battle day in and day out with someone, but the second a separate battle ensues a real friend puts bullshit aside and becomes my banner-man.We have an instinct to bond and create an army of "boys" and everyone is not allowed in the battalion. That's why we build relationships. To battle, to hunt (women) and to trust.</div>
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To have a relationship with someone is to allow that person the opportunity to disappoint. Only someone I care about can actually let me down. This makes them high risk, high reward. Why would you give the opportunity to be hurt? I have no clue why women involve themselves in relationships other than the matriarchal desire to nurture and take care of other life. Maybe that's why they love puppies or dudes who are beyond messed up in the head. Simply a "helpless" creature that they can care for. Hell if I know. Women are quite often irrational, and when you try to explain things to them rationally, you're seen as speaking condescending or talking at them rather than to them. I've yet to encounter a woman who can give me the <u>same</u> reasoning for the <u>same</u> behavior twice. Women make little sense to dudes, and they honestly make little sense to themselves. Just my opinion.</div>
Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-40137296720172565992013-09-23T23:12:00.000-04:002013-09-24T09:00:12.342-04:00my "jack daniels induced dream" notes<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If
you hear the words “Cash Money Records taking over for the 9-9 and the 2000….”
run to the dance floor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">An
idea for Tyler Perry’s </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">next
movie. via my Jack Daniels induced dream over the weekend: The tentative title: “Why Did </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I
Get Married….I Love Deez Hoes”. Starring Trey Songz as Russell Rusthaven.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Russell
is a high powered attorney, with a beautiful wife (played by Paula Patton) and
three light skinned babies. He’s upwardly mobile, and accepted by white people
everywhere. While at the company office party, in walks Tenisha (played by
Lauren London), cleaning tables. She flirts with him, they start dating, and he
eventually has her on the side. His new smangpiece. Giving her money, buying
her a place, getting her a job, taking care of her kids….until the wife finds
out. Lightskin on lightskin conflict ensues. Meanwhile, Tenisha leaves him for
Idris Elba. Russell goes to the one place he’ll receive direction….his momma’s
house. Enter Madea. HELLUR!....between Madea and church (it ain’t a Tyler Perry
movie if church isn’t involved), he realizes he needs his family, only it’s too
late. Idris Elba has started dating his ex-wife, and still keeps Tenisha on the
side. Russell sees Elba at the barbershop and asks: “Why did I get married, I love
deez hoes?” and Elba says “that’s nice and all, but do you have more hoes than
me?” The end.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">For
this movie to be deemed successful, it was decided the role for Paula Patton be
given to Gabrielle Union. Actress from such classics as Breaking All the Rules,
Deliver Us From Eva, and the forever classic Something the Lord Made. Black
women seem to love Dwyane Wade’s main babypusher. This was made evident by Being
Mary Jane...someone is going to get abused, cheated on, or generally done dirty, Gabrielle Union needs to play that role. This will eventually lead to her destiny of straight to DVD movies sponsored by Sportin' Waves and Oodles N Noodles. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;">Also, middle school taught me the acceptable answer for anyone getting on your nerves, telling you too much good news, or simply the time of day is: "....but do you got more hoes than me?" An acceptable rebuttal is to shake your head and repeat "YOU MAD" fiftyleven times. Thank you Cam'ron.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;">I'm giving a pass to all black people over 60 who add an "s" to any and everything. WalMarts. SunDrops. Golden Corrals. Family Feuds....you are forever forgiven.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;">All black people between the ages of 21-40 must take a pilgrimage to Charlotte during CIAA weekend and experience a phenomenon called "Getting on These Hoes."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span>Bob Georgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15609945376158738653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-63480512377111888712013-09-20T12:22:00.001-04:002013-09-20T19:45:52.539-04:00Media Portrayals of Mental Illness...You noticed that too??I'm sure that we have all heard the phrase "art mirrors society" or something to that affect. It's true. Many times, art and media put a magnifying glass on society and give people something they can relate to. And sometimes it doesn't mirror us back directly but is representative of a desire or fantasy and you get shows like True Blood and Walking Dead....There are an infinite amount of societal issues that the media touches on but I want to touch on one that I have noticed has become a theme in recent years. I am talking about mental health/illness. The media has done a poor job generally of depicting mental illness but recently has had a couple of redeeming elements in characters like House, Carrie Matheson in Homeland, and recently (spoiler alert) Cate Blanchette's character in Blue Jasmine. House and Carrie Matheson are 2 characters who's mental illness gets redirected and is used as a strength. In Blue Jasmine Woody Allen's anti-heroine systematically self destructs while struggling to accept what her life has become and we watch painfully as she eventually turns into a basketcase (Great flick). I know a lot of people are thinking Walt Jr./Flynn from Breaking Bad but he has cerebral palsy which isnt a mental illness just a disorder that inhibits motor function but the portrayal of his character I find to be revolutionary in that he is a real smart ass in that show and most people think of the disabled as these, "woe is me" characters to be pitied. Never pitied Flynn. Wanted Skylar to slap the shit out of him but never pitied him. <br>
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I think the reason why we are seeing more portrayal of mental illness is that there is more of it in our country than we want to admit. Just look at the pharaceutical commercials on anti-depressants. Theyre all over the place, and what about the portrayal of shrinks, psycologists and therapists (which are different btw). The scene of the main character in a therapy session is almost cliche to the point of parody. This to me is really unfortunate because mental illness is a serious problem and should be taken out of the realm of stigma. People with issues with mental illness should seek help and realize that its just as important if not more as keeping physically fit and spiritually sound. When you got a headache you take an aspirin if your arm breaks you get a cast so you can heal. Your mind is no different. There has been a recent influx of mass shootings occurring as a result of people who neglected their mental health. Its almost as if our ignorance of our fellow man's mental health is becoming a silent killer. The recent Navy Yard tragedy is what inspired this article. With Sandy Hook not to long ago and the movie theater shooting its becoming a serious problem. Out of respect for the people affected by the tragedies I will decline to speak further about it but I charge all of you readers to make sure that they take care of yourselves. Dont be afraid to ask for help and if your going through a rough patch try to stay positive and surround yourself with the right people. Yeah I got sincere on y'all asses. Deal with it!Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-78843030745903218892013-09-16T22:13:00.000-04:002013-09-16T22:13:23.453-04:00September Nerd Crush: Yukimi Nagano<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The face and voice of a hipster standard, Little Dragon, Yukimi Nagano has made it to my monthly (as of today) list of nerds I'm crushing on. Little Dragon is essentially her nickname, earning on based on the fuming tantrums she used to throw (and maybe still throws) in the studio. I'd like to compare her voice to that of Erykah Badu, with a breathy slightly nasal sound clearly influenced by Jazz and soul standards. But where Erykah allows hip hop to be the icing on her cake, Nagano goes in a different direction, pulling from Alternative, Electronic, and what ever 2000 alt-pop has become. She's cute as shit, and her poetry truly divine. Listen to the how subtle the opening lines of "Twice" are. That simple lyric conjures a life time of unrequited love. She does more in a lyric then most of her contemporaries do in whole albums. <br />
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Optimus Negrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17632883606352889190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-7983435955594658402013-09-16T14:00:00.001-04:002013-09-16T14:00:07.476-04:00Hearts and Prayers...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We here at 5ivebruhs want to send out our prayers and thoughts to those affected by the tragedy at the U.S. Navy Yard today. Senseless violence needs to end America.<br />
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With Love,<br />
5ivebruhsBrudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-82327816589560434032013-09-11T08:42:00.000-04:002013-09-11T08:56:14.647-04:00NFL Talk: NFC East EditionI don't know why the hell Bob is talking about the NBA right now. That shit is not what's important right now. Sorry, its just not. It's football time baby! I wanted to give a recap of my perspective of opening weekend, but that post would have been too much typing. I'm not about that essay life. So instead, I condensed it to the division I know the most about. the NFC East. If you are a Cowboys, Eagles, Giants, or Redskins fan, this post is for you. (Notice I'm going to do this in alphabetical order as to hide any bias. I swear I'm gonna try to not show a ton of it. Can I promise none will shine through? Only way to find out is to keep on reading homie....) <br />
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<u>Cowboys</u>: One word. Stagnant. The Cowboys have been that team on the cusp every year, and it looks to be the same. They usually show up to every game and are there in the race for the NFC East every year until Romo cracks. If you look at Romo's numbers, its no question that he's an above average quarterback that can orchestrate an offense. But will he win games for you? No. If you put the game in his hands, which I feel like the Cowboys will and do each year, I don't think he can do it consistently. While their defense under Kiffin looks strong and caused six turnovers, let's not overlook that the Giants had a chance to win the game late. Demarco Murray looks dangerous at times, but with nothing deep in the passing game happening for the Cowboys, he's usually bottled up pretty quick. Terrance Williams dropped passes and that fear of him going deep was all but gone. Cowboys will be contenders again this year, but I think the fact that they didn't blow the Giants out shows lack of killer instinct. Without that, the 'Boys end up 7-9 (2-4 in NFC East; split games with the 'Skins; Philly takes both; Giants win the rematch) and miss the playoffs.<br />
<i>Must win game to change this: Week 14 at the Bears. Gonna be hard to beat the Bears in Chi-Town in the cold buddy, but if they do Week 17 is gonna be a showdown.</i><br />
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<u>Eagles</u>: Four words. Wow. Damn. Chip Kelly. That offense looked tough. If I didn't despise all of the radical ass 'Skins fans I would have felt bad. I only felt for my girlfriend because she looked pathetic in that Santana Moss jersey. The Eagles are for real. That offense is fast and that defense has always had speed. Trent Cole moving to OLB is paying dividends as its keeping the outside run game in check. Couple that with the other fast downhill play of their linebackers and running against the 'Birds ain't gonna be a picnic. I do think their defense backs are vulnerable which will become more evident as they move on to play Witten/Dez/Miles and Nicks/Cruz/Randle. Garcon/Moss/Hankerson showed some of that. Chip Kelly's offense is the reason he was brought in and Shady/Vick/Desean are the perfect fit. The only issue I see is coming late in the season when the legs of the players have run a shit ton of plays and fatigue. I do think having the last bye (week 12) will help them recover to finish the season decently enough. I hate to say it, but the Eagles win the NFC East at 10-6 (4-2 in NFC; split with the Giants because that's the nature of the rivalry; 'Skins win the rematch in week 11 before the Eagles bye week due to fatigue; take two from Dallas because that offense takes Ware out of the game.<br />
<i>The Toss Up: Week 17. Will they beat Dallas in Jerry's World on 16 week old legs? I mean I don't think Romo can win it for the 'boys. I'm guessing 23-20 Eagles, Henery can kick a damn football</i>.<br />
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<u>Giants</u>: Three words. Turnovers equal losses. The football gawds are not about to let you win with six turnovers even if your quarterback is a 4th quarter <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savant_syndrome" target="_blank">savant</a>. Remember when Nicks and Cruz were both healthy during Cruz's breakout season two years ago? Remember how they were without question the strongest WR tandem in the league? I do. While I think its a toss up between Cruz/Nicks and Thomas/Welker, Jones/White in Atlanta is the best when healthy. I think Reuben Randle gives the Giants the slight edge when you go a little further on the WR depth chart (not counting TEs in Gonzalez). David Wilson is a flash in the pan at this point. You simply don't deserve money if you can't hold the ball and McGahee/Jacobs is not a long term solution. I think Wilson will get better though because that's Coughlin's nature. The defense looks surprisingly good. Tuck is healthy and the even with the injuries to the LBs and Stevie Brown, they played well. No huge TD plays (which has plagued the Giants) as they kept everything in front. Ryan Mundy will make or break this unit as will JPP's play coming off surgery. I feel the Giants can steal a wildcard spot. Seahawks get a wildcard and Giants/Bears get the other. Week 6 will determine that when they match up, but at Soldier Field it looks dim. Giants go 9-7 in part thanks to the week 9 bye week. (3-3 in NFC east; win Dallas rematch to finish a three game home-stand; split with Philly and 'Skins due to the nature of the rivalries).<br />
<i>Best case for the G-Men: Please see 2011 Giants season. But like I said, see them after Week 6. You just don't know which Giants team will show up each week.</i><br />
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<u>Redskins</u>: Two words. Let down. I swear I could hear Redskins stadium from my porch which is about 10 miles away. The 'Skins have the most radical fans in the league and they proved it when they booed their team off the field. Fact. RGIII looked every bit as rusty as was expected and in fact seemed a step slower. That's going to be the biggest let down. Without that same step, that offense isn't the threat it was a year ago. That step made Alfred Morris secondary in the option run game and caused the whole defense to cheat up. That's no longer the case. Morris is a hard nosed runner, but that's not going to work every play and the change-of-pace back (RGIII) isn't going to get it done with the knee. We also saw that he's not a pocket passer. The offense needs work. However, their defense will be a force this year. Orakpo/Kerrigan/Fletcher/Cofield make up a top 5 front seven in the league. I don't think the Eagles offense exposed the holes in the 'Skins D, but rather the effectiveness of Chip's quick offense. Once the offense was slowed down after the half they only put up 7 points, and I think that's due to the 'Skins play more than them intentionally protecting the lead. 'Skins go 6-10 (3-3 in NFC; they'll split with each team, it IS the NFC East) on the D's back and RGIII bouncing back a bit. I think the Week 5 bye will hurt them in the long run.<br />
<i>Their only hope: Week 6 in Dallas. I think they'll lose it, but if RGIII comes off the bye week rested with a few games under his belt to trust that knee, it could be an upset. From there they could gain confidence and momentum like last year but Weeks 11-17 are going to bury them.</i><br />
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There it is. My thoughts. I'm sure I'll get some hate from 'Skins fans as they return to their rightful place at the bottom of the NFC BEast. And you have no idea how hard it was to pick Philly to win it, but its the truth. God bless the NFL.Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-79087356975815209582013-09-10T11:05:00.000-04:002013-09-10T11:21:19.329-04:00So let’s take a trip down memory lane….NBA Edition. Top 40.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<li>You remember Matt Maloney getting destroyed by John Stockton in the 97 WCF.</li>
<li>You’ve done the Dee Brown at least 50 times in your life.</li>
<li>You remember exactly where you were during game 6 of the 98 Finals.</li>
<li>You randomly quote “Practice? We talking about practice? Not the game, the actual game? We talking about practice? When you see me play, you see me give it everything I got. And we sittin’ here talking about practice? What are we talkin about man, practice?”</li>
<li>You realize Allen Iverson would never win a ring after that press conference, and remember were you were when you saw it.</li>
<li>At their peaks, you genuinely believe Barkley was better than Malone.</li>
<li>You have a special place of hate in your heart for Christian Laettner.</li>
<li>You understand Chris Mullin was the best at the backdoor screen.</li>
<li>You know NO TEAM is fucking with the Dream Team. And there is only one Dream Team.</li>
<li>You remember Richard Dumas looking like he could be the 2<sup>nd</sup> coming of Scottie Pippen, before the drugs.</li>
<li>You remember Chris Andersen AKA: BIRDMAN BIRDMAN © Shaq….getting 50 zillion dunk attempts in the 2005 Dunk Contest.</li>
<li>Kobe scored 81 pts.</li>
<li>Charlotteans….you went to the open scrimmage during the '99 NBA lookout which featured Master P and Brad Miller.</li>
<li>You know the best NBA fight will always be the Malace in the Palace.</li>
<li>Your Saturday wasn’t complete if you didn’t watch NBA Inside Stuff.</li>
<li>Ahmad Rashad will always be your “main man.”</li>
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<li>Tim Hardaway is DA GAWD.</li>
<li>You legitimately thought Dennis Rodman would be dead by now.</li>
<li>You know Reggie Miller was the most overrated “star” player of his generation.</li>
<li>You know Mark Price was the most underrated guard of his generation.</li>
<li>You know NO TEAM is fucking with the 96 Bulls.</li>
<li>Oliver Miller is the fattest dude you’ve seen play in the NBA.</li>
<li>The phrase “two-piece” instantly brings images of Chris Childs and Kobe Bryant.</li>
<li>Before the knee injury, you know Penny Hardaway was poised to be top 50.</li>
<li>You still chuckle at Yinka Dare.</li>
<li>Without a doubt, the Honeybees had the finest cheerleaders of the 90’s.</li>
<li>The 1993 Knicks still make you miss the “no layup rule.”</li>
<li>You had B-Ball’s Best Kept Secret on cassette.</li>
<li>You thought Harold Miner, always touching the ball with his nose, had germs. </li>
<li>You know the 2001 Clippers were a lightweight entertaining team.</li>
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<li>You remember Shaq, on his birthday, destroying Keith Closs for 61 pts.</li>
<li>You know Dominique should have made the top 50, and should’ve won the ’88 Dunk Contest.</li>
<li>No matter what David Robinson does in his life, you know he’ll be remembered as getting destroyed by Olajuwon in the 95 Playoffs. And this is unfortunate because Robinson had a great career. 2x Champion. Even better life after basketball.</li>
<li>The Fab Five. ‘Nuff Said.</li>
<li>You know Scottie Pippen is criminally underrated. One of the five best defensive players of all time (Russell, Jordan, Payton, and Hakeem). The perfect 2<sup>nd</sup> banana.</li>
<li>You know if you were building a PF, you would want him to be Chris Webber. Perfect skills for a PF: post moves, jumper, ball handling skills, passing skills.</li>
<li>You know Vince Carter is the best dunker of all time.</li>
<li>You know Charles Barkley’s game 7 WCF against Seattle is his best game of all time.</li>
<li>You know the Kings were robbed in game 6 of the WCF against the Lakers in ’02.</li>
<li>Jordan is Teflon....and was 30 minutes from being a Knick after the ’97 Finals….damn. It still stings. </li>
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Bob Georgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15609945376158738653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-51486878233556132142013-09-09T06:30:00.001-04:002013-09-09T07:59:28.585-04:00Why Comics are important to us? As Told to Junot Diaz<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Junot Diaz, certified genius and one of the greatest writers of our generation, recently had a signing of his new book <i>This Is How I Lose Her </i>at a Barnes and Noble in New York. During the signing some one posed a question on why comics are important. He then lays probably one of the most eloquent defense for the medium of comic books, and I would say nerd culture, that I've heard in a long time. Shot by DJ BenHaMeen, host of probably my favorite podcast to date <i><a href="http://fanbros.com/" target="_blank">Fanbros</a>, </i>this little grainy three minute video has made me feel more validated then a life time of BET Awards have never been able to accomplish. There's a second video on <i>Akira </i>and the power of Anime<i> </i>if you enjoyed the first at the fanbros website <a href="http://fanbros.com/junot-diaz/" target="_blank">http://fanbros.com/junot-diaz/</a>. <br>
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Optimus Negrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17632883606352889190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-56718921165449349542013-09-05T11:30:00.000-04:002013-09-05T11:48:47.113-04:00Mixed Race People, Good For America? YES!<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sGpCm86CGR8/Uiii4o_w3sI/AAAAAAAAAVY/zqY0HDKvDvw/s1600/alicia_keys_2399661b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sGpCm86CGR8/Uiii4o_w3sI/AAAAAAAAAVY/zqY0HDKvDvw/s320/alicia_keys_2399661b.jpg" width="320" /></a>I find it funny that interacial couples are even still taboo today. I remember earlier this year Brudda J had a post talking about the Cheerios commercial that featured an interracial couple and their child. People went nuts over it Black people and White people alike. I sometimes wonder what its like to to be Asian, Hispanic or "other" and watch the Black people and White people complain about shit everyday. Anyway obviously race is still a very sensitive subject. Black peoples ears perk up if they hear the word "black" (in any context) uttered from a southern accent. Black people and White people still at times feel some type of way when they see couples of different races walking together. Well, usually its Black women that shoot that dirty look to a Black man and a White woman together. A Black man will give the proverbial "head nod of approval" when their girl aint looking. Funny how it works right? Sometimes I feel like at the end of the day we just want something to complain about but this post is not about interracial dating. We have covered that a couple times before. This post touches on what the more disapproving of interracial dating fear the most. Mixed race children.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wl4xBoNb7HQ/Uiii8JCMNgI/AAAAAAAAAVg/NwZu7DUjI8c/s1600/zoe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wl4xBoNb7HQ/Uiii8JCMNgI/AAAAAAAAAVg/NwZu7DUjI8c/s1600/zoe.jpg" /></a>My mother being the product of an interracial relation gives me special but not full insight into this issue. But I do remember the first major conflict I had when this subject was brought up. I was talking to this girl and we had been friends for a long time but were kind of thinking about being mroe than that and she brought up interracial dating and how she thought it was wrong and an afront to the Black race. I took major offense and told her that in some way I am a product of and interracial relationship and she said that I "didn't count" and continued to spew her ignorance. Needless to say, that relationship didnt go anywhere. I could write and incredible blog post about how that ended but I wouldn't want to embarass her. Anyway, this isnt the first time I have heard this. I have friends who believe that it is their responsibility to their race to marry a black woman/man for the preservation of the Black American family. What a crock of shit! That is so ass backwards to me its laughable. The funny thing is that interracial marriages and mixed race children represent a personification of the American Melting pot and the existence of more interracial people in our country will inevitably open up a brand new dialogue about race which can only bring about positive change. This is really ironic because most of the people who claim interracial relationships mark the dissolution of Black culture also preach equality and social justice. Are not interracial relationships one of the most symbolic public celebrations of that mentality?<br />
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Now this is not a ode to white women. Honestly I would prefer to date people of other cultures regardless of their skin color just because they carry with them new perspective and experiences which I find interesting. I am not asking people to see my way of thinking but if you site personal responsibility to your race as a factor in choosing a mate you might think a bit too highly of yourself in general. Just a thought.<br />
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Oh and mixed race women are hot as shit. Thats a fact. Why you think we Americans have this fantasy about Brazil? They're ALL mixed up over there and if we keep going the way were going in about 50 years our women can look like this-----><br />
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I'll leave you with that.Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-27371390061994953752013-09-04T08:49:00.003-04:002013-09-04T12:30:21.252-04:00Three Annoying Types of People<br />
In life, there are those who just don't get it. There are those who forgo common decency and respect and I don't get that. There are those who can admit their flaws and those who are ignorant to their own short comings. I'm far from perfect, but here are three types of people who are just really not hitting on any cylinders for me in the last week.<br />
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<a href="http://cdn.i-sight.com/uploads/rudeness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="http://cdn.i-sight.com/uploads/rudeness.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="149" src="http://cdn.i-sight.com/uploads/rudeness.jpg" width="320" /></a>Rude People.<br />
You encounter these people everyday in one way or another. Its the person who can't say good morning or thank you when you obviously gave them five seconds of your day, or your life, when you hold the door for them. Nothing is worse than being polite and they don't acknowledge it at all. At my job, there are two doors you have to go through to get into the building. The exterior and the second set to get in the lobby. Yesterday, I held the door for the guy about 15 steps behind me. As he walked through the first door, he said nothing. I didn't worry about it too much because he was about one second from redeeming himself. He did no such thing. Also, I'm annoyed with people at fast food restaurants who huff and puff about giving out extra sauce. Is it YOUR honey mustard? Did you harvest the mustard seeds and farm the honey yourself? If not, give me my damn sauce punk. I'm also annoyed with dudes in the men's room. If there are three stalls, two of which are occupied, don't take the last one if I'm trying to get a paper seat cover. If your nasty ass doesn't care to create a barrier between your cheeks and the previous man's cheeks that's on you. Please don't zoom past me to take the stall I was obviously eying. I hope you fall in or the last man had pubic lice.<br />
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Over Opinionated Folks.<br />
I just want to take a moment for silence............... Death to close-mindedness. Look, I'm not saying you are not allowed your opinions, but just the opposite. You're allowed to think what you want, and the man next to you also has the same right. Your degree doesn't make you the authority on shit. Please don't try to inject me with your opinion thinking I'm going to see that opinion as the gospel. Chances are it will be rejected. There's nothing wrong with laying out your opinion and having intelligent debate, but go into the convo with the expectation that you will not reach an agreement. Go into the conversation with the mindset that you may have a chance to offer a different point of view. The fact that someone felt the need to curse me out and de-friend me on Facebook over that Macklemore post that I only shared as a writer on this blog is absolutely mind-numbing. If you feel some way about Syria, Miley, abortion, Macklemore or whatever it may be, I will entertain a conversation. But if you feel like your passion about the subject is uncontrollable, shut up. You will only frustrate yourself and sound ignorant/close-minded. I remember the Chick-Fil-A controversy. Just because I'm not your banner man waving signs for your cause in front of stores, doesn't mean I'm against you. It just means the conviction in me is not strong enough to follow in the manner you like. I'm not about to fake some passion I don't have. To me, that's more insulting. I can support YOU without supporting your cause directly. That's the best I can do, I'm sorry.<br />
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Racists.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RpgCBYVVeK0/Uf_ZxWS3QDI/AAAAAAAABVo/ALEo5GuGBSc/s1600/Racist,+Black+and+White.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RpgCBYVVeK0/Uf_ZxWS3QDI/AAAAAAAABVo/ALEo5GuGBSc/s320/Racist,+Black+and+White.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RpgCBYVVeK0/Uf_ZxWS3QDI/AAAAAAAABVo/ALEo5GuGBSc/s320/Racist,+Black+and+White.jpg" /></a>I've never been a fan of racist people, but I do have a certain respect for those who are just outwardly racist. I'm not about to like the KKK fan page, but I can respect that I at least know where you stand. Its the new age racist that I can't stand. Those people who think my opinions on race are out dated and pretend white privilege is a thing of the past. I'm speaking mainly to non-black people attempting to tell me to essentially "get over it". Its not about to happen. I have no idea what its like to be Chinese, Mexican, African etc. I've never lived that life. I don't know the idiosyncrasies that come with being something I'm not. For a white person to tell me I'm racist for defending my culture is just ignorant. I'm allowed to stick up for those I purposely or inadvertently represent. If you think you can down talk black people in front of me or use the word 'ghetto' in a derogatory manner in reference to things that are 'black' you're mistaken. Look up the definition of ghetto, and not in urban dictionary, fool. There are 133 definitions of the word there. Please find a <a href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/ghetto" target="_blank">synonym</a> to help yourself. Notice none of them denote anything about race. Bitch, your dusty ass car, holey granny panties and broken hair dryer isn't ghetto. Unless used in proper context, including the historical significance to the Jewish people, just avoid it. Also, reverse racism isn't racism of blacks on whites specifically or exclusively. White people do not own racism. That idea itself is racist. Reverse racism is preferential treatment to minorities over a majority for no other reason than because they are the majority. The Trayvon Martin case is NOT reverse racism people.<br />
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I'm done griping. The love is still there. Enjoy your day.Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-40265543412837216522013-09-02T18:02:00.000-04:002013-09-03T11:57:03.714-04:00Black Superhereos: Who is going to get Star Treatment?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Luke Cage </div>
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Luke Cage is a walking <span dir="auto">Blaxploitation</span> stereotype. A former Harlem gang banger until he's sent to prison and experiment on for the same super solider program that created most of Marvel's superheroes. Unlike most he becomes a mercenary and bounty hunter, deals with a drug problem, and has a white girl friend. With Avengers 2 on the horizon, and a desire for an increased roster that is not quite as white washed as the original movie, Luke Cage is a bit of a shoe in. He's been around since the 70s, and has been in every incarnation of the Avengers since the 90s. Rumors have it Tyrese and the Rock want the part, along with Terry Crews. Interesting to see how he will fit since he's essentially Captian America, minus the shield and the blond hair. <br />
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Black Panther </div>
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In his myth, the Black Panther is a title give to the chief of a tribe in a fictional African Nation. Powered by a connection to a mythical panther god (I wish I was making this up) Black Panther is imbued with super natural abilities and senses along with a arsenal of magical (yep magical) artifacts from his status as King of Africa (yep the continent). Black Panther has been sitting in Hollywood purgatory since the early 90s. There have been references made in various other Marvel Phase One projects like Iron Man and currently documentary film maker Mark Bailey is working on a script. Marvel has essentially exhausted its main proprieties, and even pushed lesser known superhereos in to natural spot light. With casting rumors already in the work chances are high that we will see this slightly stereotypical superhero soon. Chadwick Boseman (42) is rumored though I can also see Ato Essandoh (Django, Chopper, Get Him to the Greek), and <span class="st">Chiwetel Ejiofor (</span>12 Years a Slave) getting a few looks.<br />
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Spawn </div>
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Yes I know Spawn already had a big screen adaptation that though terrible, was still influential on our current superhero movie fascination. Spawn is a black mercenary who after being horribly killed is transported to hell to become one of Satan's incarnation's solder for the upcoming Apocalypse. Yeah, a family summer popcorn fest. Issue facing a reboot of Spawn is its unkid-friendly nature. Hollywood is slow to greenlight R rated superhero movies because they don't sell as well as their PG-13 counter part. Similar characters Deadpool, Venom, and a R rated Daredevil remake are all bearily treading water. A horror reboot is being shopped with Jamie Foxx rumored as wanting to play the lead. The twist is Spawn's creator is pushing for a low budget take on the character rather then a CGI rich sci-fest as a way to try to push the character through.<br />
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Falcon </div>
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I think Falcon is lame. Similar to Luke Cage, Falcon was a Harlem kid who really like birds till his mother was killed and racist cops refused to track down her killer. Jaded he moves to L.A and becomes a gang banger and a pimp (as you do.) As a pimp he crashes on an Island full of superheros and meets a red tail hawk (umm yeah.) Anyway crazy super-villain uses something called the Cosmic Cube and fuses Falcon to his hawk creating some kind of link. Falcon meets Captain America, they become friends and Falcon becomes the first black superhero, and the first brother who battled being called a token. He can fly and talk to his hawk with his mind, and...that's about it. Falcon is apparently going to be in the upcoming Captain America sequel played by Anthony Mackie, which may mean he is will also be in Avengers 2. <br />
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Optimus Negrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17632883606352889190noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-6726409339865804522013-08-29T10:37:00.000-04:002013-08-29T14:45:21.110-04:00Why Black People Hate Macklemore<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-msFw9imBuUA/Uh9b54kIh0I/AAAAAAAAAVA/onN0qTGhkbI/s1600/macklemore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-msFw9imBuUA/Uh9b54kIh0I/AAAAAAAAAVA/onN0qTGhkbI/s400/macklemore.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
I first heard Macklemore while listening to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrEJmvuKSwo" target="_blank">NPR tiny desk concert</a> back in February of this year. He played 3 tracks, Same Love, Thrift Shop, and Hands Up or whatever that track is called. Anyway I heard this guy and thought cool, this kinda bohemian white rapper with this trumpet player that looks like they found him playing on a beach in Jamaica selling coconut water for a dollar to tourists. Oh and they got this fat nigga singing the hook who looks like a cast member from Sister Act 2. I had no idea this dude was about to take over my radio and television for the subsequent half year. This man is a phenom. He's an underground/internet sensation who is making guap off 3 tracks with no major label. I give him a lot of credit and personally find him to be a decent artist. Not my cup of tea but I get why he's popular. With that said let me continue...<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bcaOCXdnoJw/Uh9b3Sa6_AI/AAAAAAAAAU8/12tTeUWGZP8/s1600/08.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bcaOCXdnoJw/Uh9b3Sa6_AI/AAAAAAAAAU8/12tTeUWGZP8/s320/08.jpg" width="320" /></a>This post is dedicated to the most entertaining combination of social media and pop culture that exists: Black Twitter + Any award show. This is the time when all the blackest funniest rachetest amateur twitter comedians come out to entertain the masses. It also happens to be one of my favorite hobbies. While watching the VMAs I noticed that Macklemore caught some serious (and hilarious) hate from followers. ie one of my followers tweeted "Macklemore is the white guy you date when you realize that you only date black guys" I was trying to figure out why Black People hate Macklemore so much and I think I figured it out.<br />
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Lets start this by saying black people are THE HARDEST race to please. You ever seen Showtime at the Apollo? You better entertain us quick or we will sandman your ass off stage so fast you will wish you never saw a stage in your life. We are HARSH. Not only do we want our cake, we want to eat it obviously BUT it better be our favorite cake with a cold glass of milk. Oh and dont let us find out that another race got a better cake cuz we'll want that one too. With that said we are very protective over our music. We have no problem with other races participating in music we create but you better damn sure make it some music that we like. A couple years back I wrote a post called <a href="http://5ivebruhs.blogspot.com/2009/09/top-10-white-people-that-black-people.html" target="_blank">10 White People that Black People Love</a>. Some notable musicians on the list included Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Eminem, Michael McDonald (lol) I explained why black people love them and the points ring so true to this post that I felt compelled to bring them to the attention of the readers.<br />
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So here is a list of the reasons I came up with.<br />
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Why Black People Hate Macklemore.<br />
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1. He's white (and rich) <br />
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this is sad but true. If your a rapper and white and rich, you've already got some ground to cover before your getting the black vote.<br />
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2. He has no Black cosigners.<br />
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If you notice all the white musicians we love have respected Black friends JT got Jay Z. Eminem has Dre , Robin Thicke has the envy of every Man on his arm in Paula Patton. We respect that and that brings me to the next point.<br />
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3. Macklemore dates a white woman.<br />
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Now you might be thinking, well he IS White, BUT I guarantee if he showed up to the VMAs with a black woman or at least acknowledged he like Black Chicks he would get more love.<br />
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4. He's got corny music. <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ureUYmUmfHc/Uh9b7lvX8sI/AAAAAAAAAVI/Bc7uqmc5fjU/s1600/rdalt.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ureUYmUmfHc/Uh9b7lvX8sI/AAAAAAAAAVI/Bc7uqmc5fjU/s1600/rdalt.png" /></a>Now this should be at the top of the list since we are discussing music but unfortunately its clear that we Black peopel don't give a shit whether your music sucks...if your Black (2 chains, lil Wayne, Trinidad, etc...) <br />
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5. His only black friends look like some really humble fat nigga<br />
formally of the Harlem Boys Choir all grown up (Ray Dalton) and that nigga with dreads that hangs out in front the coffee shop reciting original poetry at 12 noon who you're still not sure is homeless or not. (his trumpet player)<br />
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Long story short. We dont understand Macklemore. He's "weird" black people dont do weird, and we really dont like different (so sad). We dont know how to pronounce his name and we hope he'll be forgotten before we actually figure out how to say it right. I'm sorry Macklemore. We're not jumping on your bandwagon anytime soon. <br />
<br />Jonny Casanovahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10576707774931190737noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319114435976290746.post-78716611506984705262013-08-28T08:26:00.000-04:002013-08-28T10:55:29.067-04:00Black food? White food?I've been trying to live a healthier lifestyle, but recently there's been a hankering for soul food in my life. I'm talking the good stuff. Fried chicken, candied yams, collard greens, sweet cornbread, baked mac and cheese...ya know, the works! I want a plate that looks like... <br />
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Yes LAWD!</div>
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After waking Monday morning, pillow swathed in drool from sweet soulful dreams, I realized that I needed to make this happen. What better way to celebrate the March on Washington? I told my girl that this Friday would be "Soul Food Friday". What's that? Its a fatty's Christmas. Its like the preseason for Thanksgiving. <a href="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2013/8/26/9/enhanced-buzz-1705-1377522592-5.jpg" target="_blank">Its what Miley Cyrus's ass desperately needs</a>. It means we will spend the night in, replicating the materials responsible for my large stature. I love food, and I'm giving into the vice on Friday. I recently took the step to move in with my girl, and one of the reasons I was ok with sacrificing my freedom is that she's an excellent cook. I have to hand it to her. The reason Friday is such an ordeal is because she comes from a different culture. She's white and from north of the mason dixie, therefore things are done just a little bit different on her plate. </div>
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I'm not one to ever turn down food. Period. Unless the person's apparent hygiene is less than pleasant. I'm not eating burgers from bums people. But through my openness to eat what's put in front of me, I have noticed a few differences between how typical "white" food and "black" food is constructed. Am I an authority on food? Yes. Do I often cross cultures? Yes. Am I about to generalize about these differences? Absolutely. So now that I've answered your questions and addressed your issues with the following statements, read a few of my conclusions. I'm not saying these are universal, but its how i feel. You can feel free to criticize, agree or not give a damn.</div>
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<li>Black food is meant to touch. When that juice from the sweet potatoes intersects at the corner of mac and cheese and cornbread something magical happens. When I see the collision occur, I GET HYPE! I know THAT bite will be off the chain. My cousin Big Norm has mastered this and creates post-meal cups (judge if you want). This dude has mastered the correct order to stack leftovers into a red solo cup that captures the essence of the entire meal. White food should remain separate. Corn on the cob is good as are strawberries and salad with Italian dressing. But when these are all on the same plate, you want them to remain co-workers. Touching is strictly prohibited.</li>
<li>Black food is the real reason we get turnt up about family time. We know Gramma is bringing that redskin potato salad, uncle is about to grill them ribs with the Sweet Baby Ray's and auntie is about to put it down on the peach cobbler. We know that there will be more food than you need and all you could want. When a get together is planned, what's the first question amongst black people? "What we eating?" White people are more prone to allow the gathering to be about the achievement or special event. That's great, but that's secondary to food for us. "It's awesome you graduated from college cuzzo, but make sure ya moms whip up that baked ziti, ya dig?"</li>
<li> Black food makes you wanna fight. Let someone show up to a black event later than most (CP time- if you gotta ask, just dont). Let the ribs be gone and they only get a burger or hot dog. Guaranteed they gonna be tight. Why? Because that's the real reason they were excited to come. "Man, your birthday don't mean ish if I didn't get a deviled egg or some of Gramma's pasta salad with the crab meat in it! Bet you wont get this gift card I brought." Even if they are a good sport about it, you know they are salty. When I go to white events, I'm just happy to have some type of nourishment. No one has an urge to fight.</li>
<li>Black people don't believe in over-seasoning and rarely do we measure. I forgot real recipes even existed until I started dating my girl. Add 1/2 cup of this and 1/4 of that. A teaspoon of pepper and 2 tablespoons of seasoned salt. Not how we cook. I'm under the philosophy that most people can learn how to cook if they can follow directions. Soul food comes from... the soul. Not a cookbook. I asked my Gramma for a recipe and part of her instruction included, "...just keep adding that seasoned salt. You know how its supposed to taste boy." I can honestly say I've never seen her use a measuring cup. My girl can follow a recipe like no one's business, but my soul needs to be taken into account from time to time.</li>
<li>Black people, mainly men, will eat themselves to sadness. Me and my baby brother are notorious for this. One minute we salivating, the next we're grimacing with joy. We are happy as hell when the food is going on our plate and we (well my family at least) will eat until it makes us sad. Pain never felt so good. </li>
<li>Fruit doesn't belong on the plate with my dinner.</li>
<li>You can look at a black person and know if they can or can not cook. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/dining/reviews/blog/SoulFood.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/dining/reviews/blog/SoulFood.jpg" border="0" class="decoded" height="236" src="http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/dining/reviews/blog/SoulFood.jpg" title="You know she can put it down..." width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You just know she can put it down.</td></tr>
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<li>Oatmeal tastes best out of that big ass cardboard tube thing, not packets.</li>
<li>Rice is not a black thing to eat at Thanksgiving. Period. </li>
<li>Green bean casserole is gross.</li>
<li>Everything can't be casseroled. </li>
<li><a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_it_normal_to_have_drink_milk_while_eating_spaghetti" target="_blank">Drinking milk with pasta at dinner? How does that even make sense? That will tear your stomach up.</a></li>
<li>No one really like chitterlings. I think black people eat them to remain rooted in our culture.</li>
<li>Cornbread needs sugar.</li>
<li>Texas Pete and Frank should have been disciples in the Bible.</li>
<li>Tea is meant to be sweet you bitter jerk.</li>
<li>Everyone loves chicken. Everyone loves watermelon. Don't ever take offense! (Ask Chappelle) </li>
<li>Mac and cheese is to be <u>baked</u>. No exceptions.</li>
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I mean in America, the word black usually means bad and white usually means good. But when it comes to food, I beg to differ. My Black Friday can't come fast enough. I don't think I'll be able to sleep Thursday night. Its. About. To go. Down.Brudda Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09318459145006392439noreply@blogger.com7