Top 10 White People That Black People Love

Black people are great. We can take our situation and make it look attractive to those who can't live it. Even if it sucks. We do this in various ways but one way we do this is we adopt white people that we like into our club and say things like "he not white he lightskinned" or "hes/shes white but he/she must have some black in him/her down the line." White people love hearing this. They feel like they get the cool points from having black people like them but they still wake up in the morning a white person with the infinite perks and benefits associated. In order to get into this "club" all you need is to gain black peoples trust in some kind of way... Doesnt hurt if you adopt a black child...activities like that gain our trust. You see, we don't assume all white people are or aren't racist (sad but true) we need confirmation sometimes and if were gonna claim you there needs to be some above and beyond type shit going on with your involvement in our community our music etc. With that said heres a list of the "Top 10 White People that Black People Love"

10 Adam Levine
We like this guy...He showed up on Kanyes "Late Registration" and on Alicia Keys "Unplugged" album. We trust him. Not to mention if you check most black peoples iPods and you'll find some Maroon 5 on that joint.








9 Robin Thicke
Hes got a lot of soul for a white boy. Black girls love him. Black men are jealous of him cuz that he pulled Paula Pattons fine ass. Either way we like him. He makes good music and we trust this guy.

8 Eminem
He was the first legitimate white rapper to hit the scene. We like him. He has personality and is respected in the rap game. Almost didn't make the cut simply because white people love him as much if not more than Black people do. Plus I ve never heard him say "Nigger" in a rhyme and I respect that (he coulda tried to test the waters)

7Joe Biden
Hes the VP under Barack Obama....Of course we trust his ass. Plus he murdered Sarah Palin in that debate. You know black people like you when after a Vice Presidential debate you could hear this in any black barbershop: "Daaammn!! Biden gave that bitch the business!!!!"

6Ellen Degeneres
We trust Ellen...Shes just mad neutral. We believe in her generosity and genuinely enjoy her show. I mean damn she got Halle Berry to do the "Halle Berry Dance" on her show. Black people just have no reason not to like her.

5 Brad and Angelina
Im lumping these 2 together....Before I get deep, let me go shallow(thats what he said). Angelina is a bad chick and I know black chicks who dont like white guys but love Brad Pitt. Not only are they one of the most powerful couples in Hollywood, they got a crib in New Orleans so they could continue to lead the effort to rebuild the city in the wake of Katrina. We like that. Not to mention they have more black kids than most black families. Membership accepted.

4Robert Deniro
This guy's name has turned up in rap lyrics and references to his movies and his characters have resonated in the hip hop community for years. 3 words...Godfather Goodfellas Casino. Oh....and he's also married to a black woman (google Grace Hightower if your scratching your head right now)

3Justin Timberlake
"Future Sex Love Songs"=Classic . Any white guy who can drop a classic R and B album deserves immediate membership.

2Michael McDonald
If your confused, I understand. You may not even have know this man was white until you saw his infomercial selling his versions of classic R n B tunes. This white dude has more pure and genuine soul than most Black people ever have or will have. He gets a high bid.

1Bill Clinton
You knew it was coming. Our favorite (Pre-Obama) President since JFK. He has an uncanny charisma and ability to be in tuned with "our issues". Black "Bible Belt" grandmothers still supported him even after the "skeet scandal". Thats saying something.

What would a Top Ten list be without honorable mentions
I got one for ya

John Mayer...we like John Mayer. He showed up on Kanyes unreleased track "Bittersweet" and (lesser known fact coming up) he was on Commons "Go" the guy actually singing "Gooo" on the hook was him. He made a cameo on Chappelles show which gave him some credibility. He also had a one episode TV show on VH1 which i thought was actually really funny where Trick Daddy was his only guest. Great effort dude but not Top Ten material... Heres a video that explains how he gets an honorable mention.

Quarterbacks

Today, I'd like to talk about something I have talked about all my life. That's football. I want to take today to talk about my top 5 quarterbacks.

#1

Tom Brady- New England Patriots

Arguably the BEST closer in the NFL. Tom Brady is the number one quarterback for any system. It is almost ineffable how cool he is under pressure. And finally Brady's skill level is not commensurate with the notoriety he got coming out of U Mich. Brady was a 6th round pick to the Pats and when asked to step up he wrote his story. The reasons I would take tom Brady are as follows. As previously mentioned Brady is the number one closer in the league. 2 minutes to go in the forth quarter and my team is down, I want him at the helm. Brady also can fit into 9 out of 10 systems in the NFL. Tom Brady is one of the best quarterbacks when it comes t going through progressions and finding the receiver who is going to put his team in the best position, whether that is yardage, close to the sidelines to make a quick escape, or in the endzone. There may be skeptics out there since his season has started off rocky, but 1. it is the beginning of the season still, the league hasn't hit that midseason stride, 2. he is coming off a season ending injury last season. 3. Brady has Bill Belicheck scheming, one of the best minds in the NFL. Other good looks include the defensive prowess of the Patriots. This all being said, if I was starting a franchise and had the means, I would build my team around Tom Brady.

#2

Drew Brees- New Orleans Saints

If it wasn't for Brady's ability to close, Brees would be the best QB in the NFL. First and foremost Brees is the captain and the emotional leader of the Saints team. If you watch Saints pregame footage, Brees will motivate you to go out and fuck some one up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FXhrGXREy0

But besides this point, Brees is a point scorer. With his excellent group of receivers Brees is fully capable of putting up 35-40 points a game. He also has an uncanny knack of finding receivers and the arm to get the ball there. In the right systems, Brees is very dangerous. The one thing I will say to his detriment is that if he doesn't have the right wide outs with him, it drops his stock. He does not have all the ability all the time to make things go the Saints way. In the right situations I may take Brees over Brady, only if I had the right defense.

#3

Peyton Manning- Indianapolis Colts

Hands down, best sight adjuster in the NFL. We all know how Manning will come to the line with 3 plays. But do you really realize the work that goes into that. This brings me to the point that Manning is the BEST leader in the NFL. Not only does he have to be able to understand the complex defenses in the AFC and adjust the plays to that, but he has to get his WHOLE offense on the same page. This means, he has to know AND UNDERSTAND, his linemen's blocking schemes, he has to know where his backs are going to be, and more than ANY other quarterback, he has to know where his receivers will be, along with intensive study of the defense. And this is all prior to setting foot on the turf. On the field, Manning has a great sense of what's going on around him. Looking at something from a birds eye view is a lot easier than looking at it from under center or in shotgun. He makes his receivers rise to the occasion. We've all seen this with Pierre Garcon this season. Manning is another one f the quarterbacks who can be successful in multiple systems across the NFL. His drawback comes in his mobility. Manning is a pocket passer with a great mind, but when you ask him to make plays with his legs, he may go "WHAAA?" He often reminds me of my HS quarterback, who we called no hips, because he could not stop, turn or move easily. In the NFL today, especially with the position of Defensive End getting better and better, with people like Julius Peppers and Justin Tuck, it's almost a necessity to be a mobile QB. Manning is not that. If his receivers can not get off of good coverage, Manning is all but immobilized, you'd better pray that he has a good check down... which he does, but if that option is not there, then the Colts better go back to the drawing board really quickly.

#4

Eli Manning- NY Giants

It is no surprise that Peytons little brother is following in his footsteps. And for the record as an Eagles and Jets fan it is hard for me to admit this but Eli is one of the best quarterbacks in the league. While he doesn't have the understanding of the game his brother does, he has the athletic ability that Peyton doesn't. Eli can make things happen in the pocket and while he isn't the best runner, he can make things happen. I think his biggest asset is his ability to get the defense moving and flowing. While there are reads that all defenders make it is instinct for defensive players to move and flow with the ball carrier. Eli has a mastery of making them move and then hitting a crossing route that the receiver has been running on the weak side. Probably the reason Kevin Boss is successful when he runs those drag routes. Manning #2 also does a great job putting the ball in spots. We all remember the superbowl, game changing catch from manning to David Tyree. Look at the pass to Mario Manningham a few weeks ago, and he is in the top 2 quarterbacks who can successfully put the ball in the back corner of the endzone. But that same ability has also hurt Eli. Manning #2 is not the best at looking opposing DB's off. He has at least 2 games a season in which he plays a Delhommeish (thats for you Johnny C), interception riddled contest. This makes him streaky and down the line I can see Eli running into problems in his career. As he loses some of his key players, he will lose some of his notoriety.

#5

Mark Sanchez- NY Jets

Now may of you may ask why I have chosen a rookie QB to be my 5th but I have good reason. I have been calling it since his USC days. When it's all said and done, baring any serious injuries, Sanchez will be one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL for his era. The thing I like most about this kid is that he understands the steps it takes to experience success in general. He is not biting off more than he can chew. While he doesn't have the impressive career and the stats in the NFL he has one intangible that all great QB's have. Heart. He has a ton of heart and it is infectious. His team mates see it, his coaching staff sees it, and maybe most importantly, the fans understand and see it. Undoubtedly, Sanchez will experience growing pains, but he bounces back quickly. Rex Ryan made a smart choice in getting this kid in early, and normally I do not agree with starting rookies, but this is the way to go. Look to see many sombreros at Jets games in the future!

Honorable mention

1. Donovan McNabb- Tough QB and always leads his team. However has not reached the ultimate goal of the superbowl and is injured FAR too often.

2. Kurt Warner- One of the greatest QB's of all time. (Top 50) Amazing story too, he really knows how to grind. But he is at the end of his career. He is borderline Brett Favrein and he doesn't have Favre talent.

3. Ben Rothlisberger- Steelers Captian and leader. Will continue to experience success. But I just don't like him.

brain farts

today's topic: brain farts

this is the realest shit i'll ever poast © pac

- doug funnie is the cartoon character i relate to best. i remember chasing my patti mayonaise.
- one day, i'll spend the entire day talking like billy mays.

- BILLY MAYS HERE, AND I'M DYING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.
<---tracee ellis ross has the perfect ass to me. she is the commandment for asses.

- peyton manning is the best QB since joe montana.

- tunde adebimpe and ?uestlove are the two coolest muthafunkers alive.

- i have a healthy addiction to tv on the radio. i unapologetically stan for them.

- when i'm alone in my car, i dig up on my nose and flick the boogers out the window.

- if i have a wet booger, i'll let it hang on my finger to make it dry...and then flick it.

- goodie mob's soul food is one of my top 10 rap albums of all time.

- the pharcyde's somethin that means somethin is an addictive ass beat....shoutout to dilla

- i'm convinced hilary clinton has a penis.

- as a child, i was afraid of children in special education. they smelled like pee.

- i've never heard a song by lady gaga or miley cyrus.

- michael steele is an adult version of the token black kid.

- family guy is the funniest show on tv.

- i am in constant search of the perfect pop culture reference. i think it has to do with my fascination of woody allen material.

- one day, i'll walk around musty. just to piss people off without them telling me i need to do better.

- if it were socially acceptable, i'd wear sandals everyday.

- two words to describe me: corporate hippie. conflicting viewpoints, i know....spare me.

- farting is the signal to taking a shit. i hate farting. i'd rather take a shit and be done with it.

- i am immune to sucker shit.

- nothing is funnier than watching people not realize how lame they are. for example, lil mama @ the vma's --->
- big titties stank.

- i hate mosquitos and flies. they serve no purpose but to annoy me.

- prince is 5'2. with heels, he's anywhere between 5'4 and 6'1.

- men with titties should wear bras. no one wants to see your "bro boobs."

- i'd love to smoke a blunt and shoot the shit with sarah palin. i'm sure she has some good stories to tell.

- i can not believe the lions won a game. i don't wanna hear shit from a redskins fan for two years.

- p.diddy can kill himself, with his dirty money.

- if my girlfriend was pregnant, i'd take her to carrowinds to ride all the rides.

- why do porn stars shave their body? they make me feel funny about the hair on my ass.

- i love seeing pinstripe suits with purple or pink ties.

<--- my favorite two male vocalists are marvin gaye and bilal.

- people think i am laid-back. not true. i am inwardly, constantly nervous. possibly neurotic. definitely quirky.

- malcolm x would kick mlk jr.'s ass in a fight.

- i'm glad i'm becoming a better cook.

- judd apatow, spike lee, and woody allen are my favorite directors.

- i've realized i'm a nerd. i've accepted this, and moved on with my life.

- i enjoy sex more with women i like. before, i fucked for sport. now, sex means more to me.

- bobby brown is like the drunk uncle at the family reunion. you know he means well, but you keep your distance.

- i've never seen someone lose a career as fast as ja rule.

- angelina jolie is psycho. who wants all those kids?

- my favorite line from a movie is: "i don't wanna cram pimpage."

- black people make me feel safe. i never am on edge around black people.

- i do not trust white people when i am at the ATM. i believe they are judging my checking account balance, and laughing over grape juice © chappelle

- i compete with people when i pump my gas. if i get my receipt first...i win.

- i really hope glenn beck gets caught with a group of vietnamese boys in a circle jerk.

- that's enough for today....goodnight.

video of the day

i'm no cheerleader for foolishness, but i found this extremely funny.

This Weeks Posts

5ivebruhs fans...Hope you had a great week. The Team just hit me up with the posts for this week.

Monday "Brain Farts"
by Bob George
Tuesday "Thoughts About Some Things"
by Dead Mike
Wednesday "Top 10 White People That Black People Love"
by Jonny Casanova
Thursday "Random"
by The P!ed P!per
Friday "Random"
Guest Blogger


And remember....You can FOLLOW US @5ivebruhs on twitter.... and you can be a FAN on Facebook here.

Since The Cuban is on Business

I'm going to give some short food for thought today:

As many of you probably know, I live in NYC. This week, we've all been experiencing residual traffic, police issues etc. from the UN summit that has been happening. Today, I would like to take one point in particular from that summit and unpack it a little bit.

Yesterday, Barack Obama and Nicholas Sarkozy slammed Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for the continuation of Iran's nuclear development program. Sarkozy put pressure on the Terhan to be on the road to disarmament by December or they face the consequence of new sanctions. This has been the way of the world for the past 10-20 years. With the exception of "bombings" that took place in the evenings, especially during the 90's. Any way this to me, is like the father who can't punish their children threatening a spanking.

First, I need to define a term.

Nuclear Deterrence: ND is when countries with nuclear capabilities have a respect for each other due to MAD, or mutual assured destruction, which is the understanding that if they went to war, every one would be annihilated. This deters countries (Especially in this day and age) from using nuclear threats, bullying, or using the weapons to make war.

This brings me to a statement that a lot of you may not agree with, but if you think about it, there is some truth.

Using laws of theory of nuclear deterrence I think other countries should be allowed to develop weapons, for peace purposes.

Now thinking about this statement initially, you'll probably say I'm a dumb ass etc. but think about this for a second. If we allow careful development of WMD's with international scientists from the UN Security council. And continued regulation after the development of a weapons that in many of the uncertain instances satisfied both parties. Honestly and truthfully, we as citizens of the world have to worry more about depletion of the ozone than we do of a nuclear attack from another nation-state. Even in the middle east, leaders there are too smart to risk the repercussions of a nuclear attack on another country in that region.

The only plausible threat to the continuation of this is terrorism which can be combated if we work together. The idea is not to allow people the ability to have wanton disregard for their nuclear arms, but to use them to increase and keep peace. This is why continuos UN security council regulation would be necessary. Through this, you would generate the ability for the major world powers to regulate the non powers development. Preventing issue such as arms races, nuclear bullying and use.

WMD's are the pinnacle of man's ability to make war. Theoretically, it would make more sense to work together than it would to try and prevent one another. Of course in reality there would be growing pains, nothing too serious. I could write 50 pages on this, but its just some food for thought.

I AM A RACIST...

I am a racist.

But I am not a racist in the typical sense. I believe that nowadays, while racism in its true form still exists, there is a new form of racism. Most people seem to believe that if I notice the color of someone and act according to the color of the person or make a comment about them and their ethnic background than I’m a racist. Then by all means that is me. Some say im racially insensitive, that works too.I have no problem with acknowledging someone’s race and making a comment about it.


I don’t hate ppl cuz of their race, or think of myself as superior, but i do let race affect the way i initially approach them. I have certain preconceived notions that i do not necessarily go by, but they would need to be proven wrong from an initial conversation or interaction based on race. I call this the new age racist.


Some “smart people” say I can’t be racist because I’m not in the majority. I say that’s bullshit. Complete and udder bullshit. I can hate white people, Asians, Hispanics etc. Therefore I can be a racist. And truth be told, people of color far outnumber the people originating from the caucus mountain region (Caucasians). I’m a new age racist.


A lot of men like to say the first thing they notice on a woman is her ass or her titties or her face. The first thing I notice is what color is she. You may think, “what the hell P!per! Racism continues to exist only because of people like you letting color affect your actions!” FALSE. Racism exists because of people back in the day hating other people because of their race and believing that said race makes them inferior. I am a new age racist because I look for different qualities in a white girl versus black girl versus an Hispanic girl. You could say, why can’t a woman just be a woman? And I say if I want a Ferrari I’m not gonna look for the same qualities of a Ferrari in a Toyota Prius or a smart car (not saying one race is greater than another cuz THAT is racism). They just have different qualities that add value. Like I love black women’s lips. I don’t think there is a comparison, just my preference.


Here’s another scenario where you may think I’m racist, but I’m just new age. Say two gentlemen are standing about 20ft from you and me. And you say, “Hey P!per, I want you to meet my friend over there,” while pointing in the direction of the aforementioned men. I then look at the men and ask you, “Which one?” Now here is where the “racist” in me kicks in.


You say, “Oh he’s the one in the blue shirt”

I say, “They’re both in blue shirts”

“Oh well, he’s the tallerish one”

“Well to me, from here, they look to be the same height”

“Well his shirt has beige buttons if you look closely” (you’re clearly trying to think of different ways to describe him)

“I can’t see that well”

“Well we’ll just go meet them”

Then I say, a little pissed off, “Is your friend the BLACK guy OR the WHITE guy!?”

“He’s the ummm…… black….one…”


This situation kinda bothers me. Why is it wrong to describe someone by their color or ethnic background? It is what it is. Don’t dance around it. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I want you to meet my friend, he’s the black guy in the blue shirt.” When I tell a person of a different race that it’s ok to do this they either looked really relieved or surprised. They act like I’m trying to trap them so that I can release my inner crazy-nigga on them and trounce them. I’m a mature black man that is not overly sensitive and realizes that we should all be beyond degrading people by their race.


Hell me and my boys often say that we want a fine ass woman who’s race is unintelligible. This means that by looking at her you don’t know WHAT THE HELL she got in her. I wanna know what makes her so beautiful, and I’m not afraid to ask, “So what is your ethnic background?” If you can’t answer I guess we can’t be together (unless she reallllllly is FINE AS HELL, then we can work some things out.) So can I be racist if I want a woman with a smorgasbord of races that exhibits the true beauty and essence of each? Some would say yes I am b/c their race matters. I think in a lot of instances a person’s race makes them who they are (this and socioeconomic status, another topic) because I believe the race of a person is the adversity they overcome and the way they triumph or fail. That’s what defines a person. And sad to say, those racists out there make these challenges exist.


Circle of life shit.


Is it wrong for me to question someone’s race? I don’t think so. You could learn a lot. And some people say if you don’t respect the norms of their culture due to your ignorance than you’re just that, ignorant. So which is it? I am a new age racist, because I think race matters. I can’t be one of those people to act as if they don’t see race. I see it and I embrace it. It’s there, it’s a descriptor, it’s genetic, it’s created by God, and it’s something to respect.


I know there is only the “human race” but in a “race” there are several segments and legs. I don’t see this “human race” as a sprint, but as a relay marathon. I think we all should.

SIKE

L'Chaim.... P!ed P!per

Crackheads or Old People?

Old people and Crackheads. Two groups of people that we deal with in society. Some more than others but if your like me, you encounter both of these quite frequently. They are actually pretty similar in a lot of ways. They both get shitted on in society. They both get annoying over time. They both smell funny...etc. I happen to like one of these groups more than the other. And of course its the group you wouldnt expect or else this article wouldn't be worth writing. I can't stand old people they freak me out a lil bit. Old people are bizzare to me and I just dont get them. The elderly subculture just baffles my mind...something about the pink and blue frizzy hair, or the oversized sunglasses or the beige velcro Walmart orthopedics that just scares me a bit. And it seems that everytime I go out of the house for some random errand I see some strange old white dude with the hiked up khaki pants, the aforementioned orthopedics, the liver spots and brown teeth and Im immediately put off. What I really hate is when they sucker you into a conversation. I feel like theyre aware of there seniority which entitles them to drone on in conversations that no one wants to hear except maybe a historian. I hate it. I dont know maybe its where I am on the globe or I just have bad luck but I always see the smelly unkept creepy old people everywhere I go like they know when Im gonna be picking up some sugar or gassing up "Ms Fat Booty" (thats my Nissan btw). I find it necesary to avoid these people at all costs. You may find this extreme but let me give you some recent examples of what Ive seen. I was at "Walgreens" (local pharmacy spot) and turned down an isle and saw this old dude with a brown urine stain on his pants...WTF man!!! On another occasion I saw this dude at the grocery store. He was about 68 years old and stood at about 6ft 7in which already tripped me out...(Ive never seen a tall old person)... This dude had the ashiest ankles ive ever seen, like beyond ash and going into black and gnarled and scabbed, like he tried to put powder on his ankle with as sandpaper glove...WTF man!!! and Lastly theres this approx. 107 year old dude in my neighborhood with an eastern european accent..pasty as shit, brown and green teeth, and is determined to continue wearing this blue speedo to the pool and hitting on/cornering every girl under 30...WTF!!!! Old people are weird and I hope to GOD that I dont end up like that. Im gonna keep my vitamin intake up and do some Sudoku or something. I guarantee you wont see me at the Harris Teeter with ashy ankles and a piss stain when im 79.

Alright...Crackheads on the other hand dont scare me one bit. Not One Bit.

Before I continue let me clear up a common misconception. Some people mistake homeless people for crackheads. Here are some helpful hints to be able to tell the difference.

Crackheads talk to themselves more than homeless people do. Crackheads always look like they got somewhere to go and if your lucky you can catch one running somewhere. If you find yourself at a parade the crackhead is easy to spot, he/she is the guy/girl dancing to the marching band as it plays the National Anthem. But the most recognizable trait of the crackhead is the EYES. You can always spot a crackhead from the eyes. Its like this crazed yet vacant look that lets you know that they either have nothing going on upstairs or they've got so much going on that they dont even know where they are...

But like I said before, inspite of all these bizzare traits and tell tale signs Im not scared of crack heads. Some people get all nervous when a supposed crackhead comes around. No need. Crackheads never want to hurt you. They just want various and sundry items which may include a beer, 67 cents, etc. They know enough that if they hurt you theyre mostly likely either gonna get that ass beat or go to jail or both, they'd rather take the rejection and move on. Crackheads are harmless. I have yet to see breaking news involving a crackhead attack. Im not saying that you should bring them into your home or anything like that but they are harmless.

Sadly answering the title question has me in favor of the crackheads, Id rather reject them and avoid the social backlash I would get if I told someones grandma to "Get your smelly ass outta my face!!"

Just Some Music

One of my friends who I met in London put me on to some music a couple days ago. Told me to check this video out so im passing it on. When I was there he was in a band called "Kublah Khan", met him along with the band after on of their shows at this club and been putting each other onto music since...the band was dope though, heres a link to that band. Now hes in a band called "Abraham and the Brothers Wild" and if you find something recorded from them let me know, I havent been able to find any yet. Anyway heres the video he sent me. Made me laugh. The Japanese are very strange.

Peter Bjorn And John - Nothing To Worry About (Official Music Video) - For more amazing video clips, click here

And here is the always excellent Legendary Roots Crew performing the new single from their new ablum entitled "How I Got Over". Came across this yesterday and couldnt stop watching it...Enjoy. Oh and by the way check the white boy on bass...Owen's getting it!!

What is the Facebook hoe? What are their practical uses?

Is it just me or are there more and more girls on Facebook showin their ass, by that I mean these wanna be models who are seeking attention like college freshman. I'm talkin about you! The chick that goes to the club photographer hawkin trying to take as many pictures as possible and then taggin yourself. Throwin up deuces or the card they give you tryin to look cute in your tight gold spandex pants, lips that are shinier than bike reflectors and bandana you call a shirt. You're probably the same chick that capitalizes every other letter in a sentence, LiKe ThIs oR Th@T, you know the one who still messes the the once was cool dude from High School, who now works part time at the post office or the chick that I tell I'm gonna take to Little Italy for dinner and thats the extent of game I have to run. Or for the white people out there, the girl who takes FAR too many pictures displaying ass, breasts and any assortment of weird faces at pre-games or frat parties Any way back to the discussion at hand... These girls....Facebook Hoes as we'll label them.... have some practical uses to society.

1. Calling all club promoters!!!! NEED HALF NAKED GIRLS FOR YOUR FLIERS? Look no further. We have all you need. www.facebook.com. All you have to do is stalk a girls profile, copy and save the photo and photoshop.

2. Alone on a friday night... need some company. 1-800-dia-lpic. Facebook stalk all those girls that you wish you could muster the guts to talk to. Grab your lotion and become a real stalker!

3. We have to applaud these girls for influencing the next generation of tricks. How many middle schoolers are on Facebook again? Not that its your problem, buuutt yeah....

I'd also like to make a comment on your statuses. Recently, I saw a status that read “Niggas listen closely, im a real bitch, there for I only fuck with real men, ya'll immature as niggas that feel it neccessary to run off at the mouth cause a shorty dont wanna deal with you...ima pray for ya'll and hope that you find other ways to occupy your time like get a life, ever tried that? Real men have jobs, bills and better important shit to worry about than running they mouth and gossipin” And Scene. You can stop ranting now. I chose to share this because this is often a staple of the facebook hoe. Some one who is consistently telling on themselves through their statuses or things that are made public to the world. Not only have you told us about your man problems but you've also told us what kind of woman you are. Seeing that you go and seek out the dudes that force you to write a status like this. Maybe knowingly maybe not, but as a dude I'm thinking one of a few things.

1. If I'm a mature guy, I'm gonna say, tisk tisk. Your a dumb chick. And even dumber for putting yourself out there.

2. If I'm an acquaintance with ulterior motives, I'm going to use it in my game, make you think I'm different say all the right things etc. Then mess with you and when I'm done, cause you to write a similar status.

3. If I'm a stalker I'm just gonna save it and quote it when I show up on your door step in desperation to get your attention, cause that sort of thing works on the movies.

4. Or just laugh to myself about how easy you were as I beat it up.

“Niggas, listen closely, im a real bitch...” one I'm not a nigga, two you already lost me due to your ignorant language.

But what would the world do with out you...the Facebook Hoe...After all, you keep some of my good friends who are photographers and digital artists in business as well as provide me after work amusement. I think if I could keep yall I would. Because you are the mascots of the world. You parade around the sidelines and no one cares but the kids with no friends or the other FBH's who want to take pics with beer in had for their next profile pic.

s0 HeRe$ 2 U...tHe F@cEBoOk H0E!!!

dymes of '09

today's topic: dymes of '09

as of sept. 2009, these are my top females. these women inspire me to get my chip$ up, only so i can holla. this list is based purely on looks. i look at my list as a basketball team, 5 starters....i don't know these women, i'm not judging them on their careers or how nice they are to children. just the face, ass, and titties. i don't care how much they have donated to the homeless homos of america....just the face, ass, and titties. not included in my list are the HOF's (half of famers...for all you smart dumb cats)

**for further visual evidence, click the pictures**

5. mila kunis (shopping chick): how did macaulay culkin get her? she's someone i'd fuck and kick it with doing regular shit. grocery shopping. go to the bar, have a drink. watch me hoop in the winter league...normal shit. she would be the homie lover friend © r. kelly. (she's pictured above)


4. mya (weekend chick): this is the woman you want your co-workers to see you with on the weekend so they can say, "damn, THIS is your life"... mya’s ass is underrated. small frame. nice shape…..she’s good to go. for me, she’d be my morning chick. wake up. fuck. she'd cook. and leave...wash, rinse, repeat for the weekend, and you get the idea.






3. amber rose (fuck buddy #2): kanye west is living proof that if u have money, you can fuck bitches. there is no way his jaw broken ass should get a bitch this fine. most people are hit or miss on her...with me, she's a hit...shit, i'd hit. many times...and won't get tired of it either...that's a lie. but, she has this "sloppy fine" look about her that is sexy. only 2% of women can pull off wearing a shaved head (ask solange). although i do not condone trickin off on fuck buddies, if i were to do something with her, i'd go to fashion shows or hit up vegas. fly shit.




2. ki-toy johnson (fuck buddy #1): and on the 8th day, god made ass. and gave it to ki-toy...on some real shit, she has the dopest body ever. EVER, NIGGA. she has the ass that would make you pay child support. she has the body of a goddess deer.... the first time i saw her was on outkast’s “i like the way you move” video. when the “boom-boom-boom” drops, it’s over nigga. i was sold. it spoiled me with rap videos. all the other video bitches looked like barbara bush in comparison. i mean, i’d still fuck the other minions, but they weren’t on ki-toy’s level...with her, i'm going around black people. just to stunt and get props. i'd get my fuck game on proper with ki-toy.



1. jurnee smollett (wifey #1): redbones. gotta love 'em. jurnee smollett is super underrated. half of you probably don’t know who she is….listen, she’s the bar. she has perfect teeth, gorgeous smile. breasticles are on point. she got the head-rest ass....i would hold her hand in public. nice melon lips. if she got pregnant with my child, i'd be okay with keeping it...honestly, when people ask me "bob, i see you with different women...what's your type?" jurnee smollett is my type. from head to toe. she’s number one © e. murph….i'm gonna make that happen....and she knows obama, nigga what?!?! i'm in.




in my hall of fame for fine females there are five members:

1. pam grier (foxy brown….1972 bowlegged)
2. halle berry (the flintstones movie did it for me...catwoman was the cherry on top)
3. janet jackson (rolling stone cover)
4. beyonce (2 videos u need to see ASAP: work it out & crazy in love)
<----5. erykah badu (......i have a thing for her)




shoutout to frank gore...he saved my fantasy team.

the legend of deion sanders

as a kid, my 2nd fav. football player was deion....the 1st was barry sanders.

two videos
1. straight to my feet (hammer & deion): @ :58 hammer is gettin' it.
2. must be the money: @ 1:48 deion is not gettin' it.

Upcoming Week

5ive Bruhs fans, here are the articles for next week... Thanks for the love. Peace

Monday "dymes of '09"
by Bob George
Tuesday "Random"
by Dead Mike
Wednesday "Let me put You on Part 3"
by Jonny Casanova
Thursday "I'm a Racist"
by The P!ed P!per
Friday "Random"
The Cuban


And remember....You can FOLLOW US @5ivebruhs on twitter.... and you can be a FAN on Facebook here.

A Public Service Announcement: To the members of the NFL

Its football season, (YEAH, and yes this big ass NFL logo is on purpose), and I felt that it was my duty to regale the new members of the NFL with some time honored advice to help them keep those multi-million dollar salaries.

Ten rules every football player going into the NFL should know

10) Stay away from your cousins. Cops can't tell the difference between black folks and if your dumbass cousins get in trouble, you will to.

9) If she looks like a hoe, smells likes a hoe, acts like a hoe, then she is and she will try to take your money.

8) No bar fights, breaking your hand is not an excuse to get out of preseason.

7) No domestic fights, breaking your hand in your woman’s face is not to an excuse to get out of preseason.

6) No fights period.

5) Don’t buy guns

4) Don’t shoot yourself with the gun.

3) Don’t shoot other people. Just because the glove didn’t fit for one nigga, doesn’t mean it won’t fit for you.

2) Stay away from dogs. And if you must own one, please dogs are for petting, not electrocuting.

1) Know that your now famous, but still a nigga. And the cops will find your ass. The only difference, its now that much easier, and their looking for an excuse because your famous. SO DONT GIVE THEM ONE. (that goes to you to kanye)

The Craziness that was the VMAs

Let’s Make the World a Better Place…

So there’s been a trend in the world nowadays and it seems to be more prevalent than I’ve ever seen. And this trend is people flippin’ the fuck out. Now I know people have been flippin and doing stupid shit since the beginning of time, beginning w/ Adam and Eve when they ate of the tree of knowledge and then thought they were gonna hide from God. It’s in our nature, but lets look at the news within the last week alone.

We got people flippin’ out on Obama shouting “YOU LIE!” when he makes a statement about healthcare and immigrants. Serena Williams flippin’ out on the poor little Asian line judge when she said, “If I could, I would take this f—king ball and shove it down your f—king throat,” The poor line judge also said Serena threatened to kill her. What the hell? Don’t her and Venus be kickin’ it with Mary Mary, clearly that’s the GOD in her. Keeping w/ tennis we also got Roger Federer getting upset and cursing and flipping out about challenging some calls that happened mad early in the match. Then we got the damn VMAs. Where to begin, Kanye with squigglies and tetris pieces in the side of his head telling everyone else they messed up? Or Lil Mama jumping up on stage like it’s a free-for-all game of double dutch and effectively ruining what would have otherwise been another historical performance featuring either Jay-Z or Alicia Keys. (Alicia was fly as HELL) Oh and two words… GA GA. Bitch needs help. (For the record, I normally don't watch any award shows)

PS- Did anyone else see all the vagina on stage? Katy Perry and Lady Gaga?

This marks a time period in life where a lot of people in the media seem to be losing their minds and doing/saying whatever it is they wanna do/say for whatever reason they want.

***Sidebar*** I have a proposed solution to these issues, although it may not be plausible, is to rid the world of all the guns and knives and allow people to just whoop each other’s ass in hand-to-hand combat. It would have to be a justified ass whoopin but I believe it should happen. ***Sidebar***

I feel like certain levels of fame and popularity enables individuals to BELIEVE that the world is theirs and they can do w/e they want. This pertains to both celebrities and everyday people as well. Celebrities get the battery in their back from their fans, everyday people have their own visions of grandeur in which they can do what ever it is that pleases them cuz they believe it in their head.

You can’t get away with it.

The world is a place where, as sad as it is to say, there are limitations and statues on what is acceptable in public and what is not. We either need to create a world where creativity is king and Lady Gaga is normal (this scares me), enforce the rules for everyone across the board (cuz if my black ass tried to jump on stage I woulda got handled with the quickness), or find a happy medium. I’m down for the medium.

It seems to me that Kanye may need some mental help. If you watch closely you will notice the “Oh so confident king of Swagger” didn’t seem so sure of himself when he told Taylor Swift “Im’a let you finish…” See, that’s the point where you begin to realize that maybe these people have lost it and cannot control their fame any longer. This is a sign of crazy. I’ve dealt with some crazy people in my life and I can tell, hell I’m on the crazy side myself. Help my brethren Kanye and Federer and sister Serena.

I feel some of these famous people need love. Now I know you may think that I’m making a joke, but I’m being serious. Kanye has suffered one of the most devastating things that can happen to a human being, which is to lose your loving mother who has done any and everything for you. I mean all of these people are under extreme pressure from society to always perform and be at the top of their game. I know competition can fuel you to do crazy things as well and may be the cause of the tennis outbursts, but I know for me love keeps me calm in most situations. I’ve been at extremes in emotion when all I wanted to do was fight someone, at oh let’s say a party or something. But it’s the love of those around who stopped me and helped me to squelch the thirst of the beast within, also known as the crazy. So I say let’s not hang Kanye out to dry, let’s kill him and everyone else who is buggin out with love. They need love, as we all do.

Obama is a G.

L'Chaim...... P!ed P!per

Its From The EARTH

This is an article that I have been struggling about writing for awhile but you know...I figure what the hell. My article is about weed. YES WEED. Now if that is too much of a taboo topic for you or you feel some kinda way about people that smoke weed. Read it anyway.

The policies about weed are utterly ridiculous and they should make that shit legal. I have no problem admitting that I smoked weed in the recent past and to be real, if I didnt have this job right now and had no fear of losing it/ getting another, I would continue. Now I'm not a hopeless stoner but geez if they were able to regulate weed like they do alcohol than I would be happier. Before I go on let me share a story with you.

I remember the first time that I smoked weed. I was in my college dorm room my freshmen year with my suite mates. (I was the only black dude and frankly didnt trust those guys to begin with, they later become some of my best friends). One of the guys had a bong and I told him I would try it... I was scared as hell. Why? Because society scared the shit outta me about weed. They made it look like something that only bad people did, or dumb people did, or people that lack vision or future success. I believed everything I saw on those commercials and because of that, I judged a lot of people. Anyway,this time I said that I was going to try it and see what the big deal was about. So...I went into my suite mates room and he had this long glass instrument that I had never seen before. first of all, I was thinking. Damn am I that sheltered. They got special instruments for this shit that people sell? I was tripping. Then after he prepared the bong for me and taught me how to use it, I was on my way to an experience that would change my life forever. That night was glorious...I laughed my ass off like never before, ate 2 big bags of Doritos and I slept like a baby and woke refreshed for my Music Theory pop quiz that I aced. It was a great experience, No one got hurt, we all stayed securely indoors. What about that experience would make me want to stop doing it?

Whats the big deal anyway? What is weed hurting? If you drink, then you should NEVER judge someone that smokes weed and this is why... there is a double standard. People will get drunk for the first time and throw up and not remember anything and then go and do it again later on, only because its legal. They dont even like to drink but its there at the convenient store and grocery stores and because its legal they learn to like it. Im not saying everyone should try weed... im not saying everyone should do it, im not saying that I'LL even do it again **cough** but damn theres nothing wrong with it, its from the earth and people should have the freedom to do it without legal ramifications.

Here are 10 GOOD reasons why they should make weed legal (no particular order)... Some of these you may remember from Pineapple Express but they were some good ass reasons!

1. It makes food taste better.

2. It makes scary movies scarier and funny movies funnier.

3. It makes music sound AMAZING.

4. (I hear but have never experienced) It makes sex feel better.

5. It makes conversations "seemingly" more important and deep...lol.

6. There isnt an organization called Mothers Against High Driving

7. There is medical marijuana but not medical vodka or tequila

8. Your past and current presidents and civic leaders and political advisors most likely did/do it and now they are calling the shots for you... Shit some of them do/did hard drugs and still get re elected/stay on the air. Marion Barry, Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh. If we can keep these people on a serious payroll after that, whats wrong with legalizing weed?

9. Prohibition doesn't solve anything, we already tried that once before remember?

10. The regulation of a legalized marijuana market would not only create jobs, it would take money away from the trafficking of the substance and reduce violence associate with it.



11. "The weed be letting you know [when] evil lurks" ~Smokey

rap music

today's topic: rap music

disclaimer: if you are not a music lover, this post is not for you. if you do not care for rap music, please search for porno or find something better to occupy your time.

sept 8th.
the best day for hip-hop culture in 2009. 2 highly anticipated hip-hop albums were released: jay-z's blueprint III & raekwon's only built for cuban linx II. both artists are highly respected in the hip-hop community and great lyricists. this was a very important day to me, on a personal level....before i discuss why, quick commercial:

people who know me, ask my opinion of albums whenever they drop. i am happy and take pride in seeing people who actually care what i have to say. sometimes my opinion influences their feelings on a particular album.....other times, they could give a shit. on sept. 8th, i received copious amounts (not even kidding) of text messages all saying variations of this phrase: "you MUST agree with me that jay-z has the album of the year, nigga"...minus the nigga for my white and asian acquaintances, this is what occurred. now let's start the show © 'ye west

what i learned on sept 8th is this: there are two types of rap fans...or on a wider scope, music fans in general.
the head: the hip-hop head. loves rap music. commercial or underground. backpack or gangsta. this person understands there is a place for everyone in hip-hop, with talent....from Soulja Boy to Nas....they realize all talented rappers represent a different aspect/perspective on what the hip-hop culture has to offer to the listener.
the ned: the trendy listener. intially comments on a song stating: "i like the beat." likes an artist based on their persona rather than the music. top 40. bases their musical taste on record sales or potential record sales....justifies their "rap badge" by stating one of these 5 rappers is their favorite of all-time: 2pac (everyone loves 2pac, right?), jay-z (big pimpin is the shit), lil wayne (drinks the wayne kool-aid), common (he eats peas & cornbread like me, and he's saying something), or kanye west (he's original)....this person will drop rap music for r&b once they turn 30

both types of people showed their true colors on sept 8th. the head appreciated both albums. i believe jay-z dropped a solid album. it's not a classic (reasonable doubt) or extremely terrible (kingdom come). if i were nelson george or touré, i'd give it 7.5/10. i would give my review of the album....but who cares, really? i believe raekwon dropped a superior album...frontrunner for rap album of the year (waiting on wale). the head has heard both albums, mutliple times. understands why jay-z went the direction he did in bp3. also realizes why an ob4cl2 is needed in today's rap climate. the ned heard bp3 and christened it as the greatest thing since ass and titties. did not bother checking for raekwon's joint, nor do they know who raekwon is, yet will defend bp3 as the superior album without giving the other one a listen...i understand why people would automatically assume jay-z has the best album. mainly because they buy into the image....jay's more popular, he's married to beyoncé, has a ton of money, has the respect of everyone from obama to oprah. neds are familiar with his music and are comfortable with familarity. this is why we have so many variations of the same sound in rap music.

here is my issue: i can not...scratch that...will not discuss rap music with "neds" anymore. it only frustrates me. logically, it makes no sense to defend one album as superior to another without hearing both albums. this is not me downplaying bp3 or praising raekwon. this is a matter of today's hip-hop listener, the ned.

it starts with the radio. songs are played until you become familiar with them, and develop a liking for the song. generally, this is why certain songs are played each hour, on the hour....that and payola (another topic for another day). the ned develops their rap taste from the radio. does not bother looking up new music they potentially may like, they simply accept what is given to them. the ned is the reason why BET is run by white people. this is why some hip-hop heads are upset (not me, more on that later)...they are upset because there is not a balance on what is commercially offered in rap music. they complain about people accepting too much of the same thing (crunk, snap, chopped n screwed, hyphy, dance songs, hipster hip-hop aka leg warmer music).

i am not upset with the game simply because i am always finding new rap records to listen to. for example, because i did not grow up to see the beastie boys at their peak, i can go back and discover their records. as a result, their music is "new" to me. that is my escape from the bullshit.

the bottom line for me is this: i know longer care why rap music, and hip-hop culture is the way it is. i am doing my job in making sure the real shit stays alive by buying good albums, seeing solid artists perform live, and always looking up new/"new" artists i am not familiar with. i love music, particularly...rap. it is my obsession. i take it seriously. please do not look at me funny when you ask to hear what i am listening to and hear me respond with: epmd, j dilla, or kool g. rap....i will look at you funny, and call you a herb.

this is the line in the sand. if you are real about proclaiming to like music, yet casually accept whatever is offered to you....you are a ned. stay on your side of the fence. when people ask you who your favorite artists is, and you respond with: "i like everyone" or "there are so many"....you are a ned. give me 50ft. there is no reason for being a ned, yet proclaiming to "love" music. there is a difference in loving music, and liking backgroud noise (music to listen to in your car, favorite song in the club, etc.)...i challenge everyone who geninuely loves music or wants to have a better appreciation for music (not just rap), to search for things you like. there is no excuse in the age of iTunes, twitter, various blog sites (5ivebruhs anyone?) to be a ned. be a "head" whether its hip-hop, country, heavy metal, whatever....just appreciate the music. not the persona. record sales. trendiness...focus on just the music. it'll make your life better.

i guarantee it © george zimmer

oh yeah.......shoutout to jake delhomme