So I was going over the list of the Hip Hop award nominations, and notice that Drake was looking at taking top honors in Best Lyrics, Best new artist, song, etc. I couldn't help but wonder what is the appeal of Drake. This is an honest question from a hip hop head. What is it about Drake that seems to connect to so many people.
Now before you start chanting hater at me, hear me out. Drake has been pegged as the next hova. His lyricism has been compared to Jay-Z and Em. He was "honored" with Kayne West's first attempt at directing a music video. He has been featured on almost every major mix tape release this year. In short, the brotha is blowing up. So Why?
I have been told that Drake appeals to women. Women are a pinnacle market in entertainment. If you can reach the 14 to 22 age range, you are golden. This is what Elvis did, the Beatles, and Micheal Jackson.
There is an interesting pattern happening in Pop culture. Disney is pushing a slew of bands and performers, all designed to capture that particular age group. With this knowledge I have a theory on Drakes popularity. He is the Hip-hop equivalent to the Jonas Brothers.
Check out who has taken Drake under his wing. Hip hop fans tend to follow their chosen artist like a cult. The artist becomes an pinnacle part of the every day life style of the fan. You can always tell a Lil Wayne fan, a Jay-z fan, a Roots fan, etc. Drake is apart of one of deepest hip hop cult around, the cult of Lil Wayne. With Lil Wayne as a mentor, it is only natural that fans of Lil Wayne would latch on to Drake as the inheritor of Lil Wayne's own lofty position.
I guess the final answer I can give is marketing. The brotha knows how to market himself. He finds his niche and exploits it well. Avoiding unnecessary beef, producing hits that will make women dance, and working a style that is his own yet still conforming to the norm of the time. That's about all I got. Now I could be wrong. If someone has a better explanation then I would love to hear it.
I couldn’t really come up with an article to write about for this week. So I had to dig deep and what I started thinking about is all the crazy things that go on in my head on a consistent basis. I know that I’m pretty not normal. I accept this. I am an extreme conspiracy theorist. I accept this. I’m that nigga. I’m still trying to cope with this. LOL. Read on.
**Disclaimer: If you read these and hold me to them I will just not talk to you. I can’t control my thoughts**
1. Growing up I thought only black people ate wheat bread and white people ate white bread. Turns out that my mom was just a health nut. My Aunt Angie had white bread in her house, I thought she was a sell-out.
2. Growing up I thought it was only acceptable that black people farted and white people burped. Turns out my family was just mad gassy and the nigs in it could fart on command. My Uncle Randy can fart at ANY time he chooses. Ya know how people can make themselves burp? Like that. This sadly impresses me. When I was little I would suppress my burps to not seem white, but I would openly fart. Making friends was an adventure.
3. I think Bob George is an alien. This is true. If you think I’m bullshitting ask me for more details, I’ve made several people second guess themselves then call me crazy. If I’m right though and he brings out some death rays, it’s on you.
4. Growing up, old people used to make fun of my size. Deep down I still don’t like old people. One time in 3rd grade we went to an old people home and this lady said, “You so fat! You look just like Ralph Johnson. He’s your grandfather ain’t he!?!?” I politely told her no, and that I had no family in NC and that I had just moved down from NY. She then started to rant on and on about my size. She didn’t get the gift I made for her in art class. I hated her. I only trust my grandma.
5. I think UFC is the shit. I consistently wonder what would happen if I would put random people in moves what their reaction would be. I would love to know that I can kill a man with my bare hands. I kinda want to kill a man with my bare hands, but then have powers to bring them back to life.
6. People with cocked eyes or lazy eyes are HILARIOUS to me. I love Stuart Scott, but how the HELL did someone give him a job where you have to look at that damn eye the whole time. I’m glad he’s on ESPN, but I don’t see how he made it past radio broadcasts.
7. In my mind I CONSTANTLY, I mean to the point to where it’s annoying, compare what people look like to ugly things or people. Like just in-case they wanna shit talk against me, I have material ready.
8. I have a My Buddy Doll. I slept with it til I was 15.
9. I think Bob George could also be a vampire, but alien is more likely.
10. I always get gas when I’m alone with a girl I wanna hook up. I don’t feel nervous but it just happens. The gas comes.
11. Every chick I walk past, like EVERY chick, I judge whether or not I would have sex with them. Uncontrollable.
12. Every dude I walk past, like EVERY dude, I judge whether or not I could whoop their ass. The answer is always yes.
13. Every old person I walk past, I despise. But I’ll help them if needed. Today in Harris Teeter this old lady was struggling w/ a case of water, I helped her but didn’t trust her.
14. I feel horrible when I ignore people who are asking for money or food. I always have to at least look at them, and then I get suckered. I give whatever I can. I’m a sap for people in need.
15. I always wanna put the cool kid in their place. Ever since I was little I go for the top dog.
16. I secretly want white people to fear me cuz I’m black. But The Nerd said it best, that stops around age 24 cuz white people begin to realize they rule the world.
17. You know how men always tell little boys, “boy you ain’t got no mustache! It’s just peach fuzz! Wash that chocolate milk off your face!” That shit stuck with me. I consistently touch my facial hair to re-assure myself it’s there.
18. I think I’m dope. I’m pretty fly for a big guy.
19. I look at people and try to sense the dirt they’ve done in their lives. Like I wish I had that magical power.
20. Growing up, and even til this day, I always fear the Lord will come back at ANY moment. All those plays about the rapture got me trippin’. That’s honestly why I don’t do 80% of the dirt I want to do. I wanna do a lot of fucked up shit. For example…
21. The one thing I really wanna do in my life is to knock some dude out with one punch. Like put him down COLD. THIS would make my life complete.
This post is about a long awaited topic that we havent talked about since the first week of 5ivebruhs existence....Fashion. Honestly knowing the guys in 5ivebruhs we all have our own style and we have one bruh that has been quoted to say "I dont give a f*ck about what I wear cuz I wear what-the-f*ck-ever..." (in a classic shit talking battle I might add). I think the reason why its been kind of avoided is because we dont want to come off as if we are the authorities on it... Well I will say this, I am by no means an authority on fashion but I do know this, there are some basic hints, and some lesser known hints I have learned over the years that men can do to make sure they look on point no matter what style they adopt.
This is something that I think is slightly taboo in the male community. Some guys dont want to seem too into fashion and border on feminine and others are just clueless. Either way there are some basic things that ALL guys need to know about the clothes they wear. Sad to say it but what you wear and where you wear it can be a determining factor in your success or failure in many situations (eg. meeting women, getting jobs, attending events). Those who know these certain hints can always spot the amateurs and the easiest way to spot an amateur is to tell him to wear a suit. This is the most commonly seen semi-formal attire that everyman should own, and this is where I will begin the lesson.
The Suit
The thing about wearing a suit is that every guy looks good in a suit...If your not looking at details. There are many details that go into looking super sharp in a suit and not just another guy at the office/dinner party/restaurant etc.
First.... I will talk about the shirt that goes under it. This is where I see most of the mistakes. Fellas...KNOW YOUR NECK SIZE. Ladies if you want to spot an amateur posing as a gentleman in a suit thats the first thing you look for. If the collar is hanging down...amateur, move on. There is nothing that looks worse than when a guy has the wrong size shirt. To fix that, go to a department store in the suit section or to a tailor and have him measure your neck size. Write it down or remember it, and if you've got a girl text that shit to her so come Christmas time she doesnt mess up.
Secondly...I will lump the jacket and the pants together to make it easier. Basically, with the jacket if you are buying off the rack and not getting it tailored which I would do if I could afford it...you want to have the sleeve fall right off your shoulder, never before and never further off the shoulder. You should be able to slightly touch the cuff of your sleeve with your fingertips, that indicates the correct length. You want the jacket to fit snuggly but not tight, and always be sure that youre able to move comfortable in it. The pants are pretty basic just make sure you know your waist size, the length is tricky. This is another sign of an amateur, when you have your suit pants bunched up around your shoes, that looks sloppy fellas. The point of wearing a suit is to look as professional and as well put together as possible, dont ruin it. To fix that get the pants hemmed at your tailor or the dry cleaners. Make sure they fall so the cuff slightly creases at the shoe...this is more MY taste but I think it looks the sharpest.
Lastly...If you really want to take it up a notch, There are some things that you can do to make sure that NO ONE wonders whether you know how to dress or not. These are called flourishes, or accesories. The basic and most common of these is the tie. Now this is all up to you. I have a pretty good collection but this is all up to your taste. I will say that the color and design of your tie says a little about your personality. You can either go safe with stripes are go a little more flamboyant with a colorful paisly thats all up to you. Just make sure it doesnt look corny. A poor shirt tie combo can kill a perfectly fitting suit. A hankerchief to compliment the suit is always a nice touch, shows attention to detail. The shoes....Fellas, SPEND MONEY ON DRESS SHOES, dont buy cheap shit. A good dress shoe will last you the rest of your life but if you spend that type of cash your gonna want to keep them looking nice so buy a cedar shoe tree to keep the shape and reduce creasing, also the smell of the cedar will keep the shoes smelling fresh. I personally like shoes with leather soles, they last the longest and you can always go to a cobbler and get them resoled if you tend to wear them out. Oh and always match the color of your belt to the color of your shoe...Ladies thats another sign of an amateur is hes got brown shoes and a black belt....TACKY.
The model gentlman that all men should aspire to look like in there suit (no homo) is Daniel Craig in the James Bond movies. Everything about this cats outfit is on point....Check the hankerchief.
I consider myself a casual sports fan for the most part. The only sport which I consistently follow every season is Formula 1 racing. I do enjoy a bit of football however, and once every three seasons I really get interested in the league and keep a close eye on what is going on. This past weekend my desire to hear what’s happening in the world of sports led me to realize something interesting. Sports radio is terrible.
What’s Right
Live Sports-Listening to the radio is special. There is a special sort of nostalgia about listening to sports via the radio. Hearing a baseball game over the radio harkens back to a simpler time when things were right in the world and radio was relevant. Live radio announcers are also very interesting to listen to, they are lively and animated which keeps the audience interested in the game. Also the lack of visuals allows the listener to use their imagination while hearing the game. For instance you could imagine that the entire Washington Redskins have been replaced by a team comprised entirely of Mike Ditka. Maybe that’s just me however.
What’s Wrong
The Commercials-Commercials are an accepted part of life, right along with death and taxes; they are simply something that we have to deal with. Over time however clever marketers have made this grim reality of more bearable by using the revolutionary concept of making the advertisement interesting. Unfortunately the folks who make radio advertisements decided to neglect this concept (except for the Bud Light, Real American Heroes ads, those were brilliant). The lack of a visual aid or humor makes each 30 second ad feel like an eternity. Making the issue worse is the frequency of the advertisements, during the course of one sports talk radio program, every 5 minutes of the show were followed with: Station Identification, Upcoming shows and, a minimum of 3-4 ads. Music radio stations manage to make the advertisements less intrusive to the listening experience but just like the concept of interesting advertisements this is also lost on the sports radio folks. Perhaps these advertisements are the stations way of telling you that the actual programs are shit and you should not bother listening to them, which you shouldn’t.
The Shows- Let it be known that I do not like morning talk radio shows. The hosts think they are a lot funnier than they actually are and the subjects they talk about are both boring and surprisingly irrelevant. This is also the case on many sports shows. Sure you may get a few moments of sports scores and a discussion of last Sundays games but you also get a heaping portion of bullshit and jokes which are only funny to the people on the show. Even the trusted names in sports fail when it comes to sports talk radio. Take the Dan Patrick Show for instance, I trust Dan Patrick. I enjoyed his ESPN days and I find him humorous and very knowledgeable. To my delight I found out that he had his own sports radio show, to my dismay I found out that it was bad. Dan Patrick decided that what the audience wanted to hear about was Dan Patrick, Dan Patrick’s son, and what Dan Patrick’s son should do at an upcoming wedding. Sadly I don’t really give a damn about what Dan Patrick’s son is up to and would really prefer Dan Patrick to tell me whether or not the Colts are the real deal this year(which they are). If the great Dan Patrick fails at sports radio it defiantly doesn’t bode well for the lesser shows.
The Verdict-
So what is the sports fan to do? In my opinion sports radio is best used for listening to live events. The nostalgia and the vibrancy of the announcers make it a treat that more people should enjoy. As for the rest of the sports talk radio nonsense, I feel you may be better of talking to yourself, and telling yourself that your favorite sports team will win their respective championship. You will feel better about yourself and your team, plus you will have far less advertisements to contend with.
I do however have one recommendation. I am a big fan of NPR; it is not due to their more liberal stance on the news although it doesn’t hurt. My main attraction to NPR is their willingness to get to the point and simply give me what I turned on the radio for: the news. NPR has a sports show of their own and it is worth a listen. It’s called Only a Game and it is what you expect from a NPR sports show, unique stories, interesting features and a different perspective on sports. If you are searching for a rundown of last week’s games you will not be satisfied but you will be at least slightly enlightened.
Also RIP to our family dog Addy, she was a great pet and friend and she will be missed.
The five bruhs met each other in the beautiful campus of Elon University (where else would five black men meet each other, well of course a school with a 5% minority population). We would like to extend a very Happy Homecoming to our Alma Mater, and Hopes that everyone has a good, safe time.
I am going to share what I believe to be a skill that every man should know: how to Cook. I come from a long line of men who cook, Both My Grandfathers, My father, and my brother could all cook. My father said his grandfather could cook. The kitchen for my family is a man’s world. So it shocks me a little when a man says he can’t cook. When I see my friends heating up hot dogs in the microwave or chomping on their second TV dinner for the day I become a little perplexed. Men are expected to be able to drive, to pay your bills, to dress, to fuck, very well. Why is cooking not added to the list? To be a man, is to be independent right? When you learn to cook, you gain a little bit of independence. You can prepare a meal for yourself. You are not reliant on anyone to simply survive. In this world of instant everything, where fast food is cheep and plentiful, the art of cooking is a dying skill set. Let me tell you, nothing is better then being able to cook your women a nice dinner, breakfast, or even a fucking snack. The least you can do when you’ve been playing video games all day.Here's a simple way to get started The Cuban’s Baked Barbeque Chicken
Here is what you need Chicken Organo Basil Red Pepper Black Pepper Salt Barbeque Sauce Oil Water A Pan A Oven
Preheat the oven at 400 degrees. While its preheating wash your pieces of chicken and place them in the pan. Spice your chicken. Shit you can use whatever ones you want. I gave you these as a suggestion. If you don’t know what a spice is you probably should wikipedia it. Mix the barbeque sauce, a little oil, and water in a bowl. Pour it over the chicken. Cover the pan with aluminum foil and poke holes for ventilation (no idea if this helps, but hell you’ll look like you know what you’re doing). Bake for 30 minutes (make sure you set a timer if you are the one who has a habit of getting distracted). Uncover Chicken and bake for another 15 minutes. Pull out (snicker) and let it cool (bigger snicker). Then fill your belly.
If you got a lady or an alcoholic try a nice glass of wine. Chicken being a white meat, a white is in courage, but because of Barbeque being a red sauce, a red works just as well. I personally suggest a Chardonnay. Plus women (and yes this is a generalization) tend to like whites so you will score extra points for that little tid bit of knowledge.
I’m a big nig. Six two and 300+ lbs. I’m more than qualified. And I enjoy being a big nig. Even when people say I’m losing weight I still do not wanna be under 250lbs. While being a big dude people may say that, “Man it must be tough. Finding clothes, food bills and sex life. Man that’s rough…” Negative. I love all of the clothes I have (minus the stuff my mom buys from magz devoted to big dudes like Kingsize. Their clothes are bust and consist mostly of flannel lumberjack type clothing. I like to consider myself non-lumberjack.) My food bills are same as everyone elses, why? Cuz I’m a big dude not a binge eater, yes this exists. And lastly, my sex life is great I like to think.
I’m gonna divulge some secrets about growing up a big dude, and some of it may shock you, but it is what it is. I wanna talk about two extremes, love and hate.
HATE:
Growing up, I always realized I was a bigger dude and a lot of the time I would try to dumb this down. I would do things like make sure my shirt was tucked in a certain way as to not give way to how big I was, or I would try to convince my mom that I wore a smaller size in pants only to be uncomfortable. Also, if you know me, I’m very nimble for a big dude so my pants would rip from time to time if I did some adventurous move in them, like a carwheel. Kids made it rough growing up a big dude. “You so fat you play pool w/ the planets” or “You so fat you jumped in the air and got stuck.” These were some jokes that got me back in the day, why? Cuz I thought them shits were hilarious and still do. But due to this constant ragging on me b/c of my size growing up I feel like I have turned into a proficient shit-talker, and my friends will attest. By about sixth grade, I became the Don of the back of the bus and anyone who thought they could do battle wit me would get the business. I was like biggie, you knew he was big but you couldn’t beat him, even with all the fat jokes. This reign still continues even til this day.
Fighting. Because of my proficient shit talking, a lot of my life I ended up in fights. Everyone hated me cuz of this, except the instigators. If you’re an instigator, I hope you slip in butter and break your ass bone. This is one of my favorite subjects to talk about. Growing up, I LOVED fighting. I used to love to beat a dudes ass AFTER I got him all pissed by talkin bout how I had sex w/ his sister (I was clearly lying as I was 13 years old). But after everyone in the crowd stops listening to your jokes b/c the big nigga is tearing you apart, you decide you’re gonna be his “big slow ass”. On contrary. If you don’t know, big people are strong and I’m surprisingly quick, not to mentioned I started boxing when I 6 and wrestling at 12. Kids would push me and try to get the jump on me. Then we fought. I rarely remember ever getting hit. A lot of kids tried to get out of the fight by saying, “you’re just gonna sit on me” and I would reply “yup, right after I knock you the fuck out.” I actually did one time to a lil white kid named Brent, thought it would be funny, he choked on some sand. I got sent to Mrs. Wagstaff, the principal, she was dope for an old white lady.
LOVE:
The main reason for writing this article is to depict my love of being a big dude. I love the versatility of being a big black dude. I can decide my personality on the spot. If I smile and show my teeth and talk properly, they see me as an anomaly and quickly wanna make me their friend. If I wanna be a “big nig” all I have to do is not smile and press my lips tight, people don’t wanna approach that gorilla in the corner. I didn’t embrace this until my sophomore year in college. I remember having this convo with Jonny Cassanova…
Me: “Yo nigga. I just realized that I’m big”
Jonny: “nigga, you CLEARLY big”
Me: “I know but like I just realized the power it has”
Jonny: “Man, yeah? What do you mean?” (laughing)
Me: “like I can punk people if I want to and get what I want”
Jonny: “yup”
I then began to punk white boys for free beer, just to become friends with them later.
Love life: I know a lot of people say “big people need love too,” and we get it. Girls love hugging big dudes, hell when I said I was gonna write on this topic my friend Katherine said, “I LOVE GIVING YOU HUGS!” (She may have been a little tipsy) Boom, another hug, even if their arms can’t fit all the way around, chicks love it. They feel protected, and I’m the terminator nigga.
I’ve had some good sexual encounters and horrible ones. And most of these occur how? Is it spitting game? Making false promises? Saying I got money? Nope. They felt comfortable and big dudes are the best to cuddle with. Period. Girls love it, and if they’re comfortable and you get them to the crib, cuddling is evitable. And ya know spooning leads to forking. And big niggas like to a good meal. It’s funny cuz growing up, being a big dude everyone thought you got no play and would clown you. Now the SAME people insinuate to me that they know that I get mine. Weird, I’ll never understand that one. I’ve often tried to pass as a virgin, no one believes me.
Now where I haven’t gotten a knife held to my head, I’ve had to deal with some crazy women in my life. For some reason, I just can’t date a chick, there has to be a relationship, and that’s cool I guess. I think over my life I’ve had like 3 serious relationships and only dated like 3 girls, but the dating never really felt like dating, the words “I love you” were said so I dipped. Is this because I fill some void in some women’s life who have a niche for a big dude, or do they just like me? I think it depends on the case. My boys say it’s cuz I’m a genuinely good dude, but that’s totally random, I will leave you with 9 things to know about big dudes. Enjoy.
1. We’re extra nice as to not scare people.
2. Big dudes CAN be lightweights. I like to say I’m a cheap drunk
3. Don’t assume that if the poop left in the toilet is HUGE then the big nigga didn’t flush.
4. Stop giving away free shirts and shit and only having up to a large. Throw some X’s on the tag.
5. There are NO new fat jokes
6. Like I said I’m nimble, I think dancing is one of my strong suits. I got two numbers last weekend based on this fact. They don’t expect for me to be able to move the way I do (versatility), just think what else big dudes can do. LOL.
7. When you say “eat whatever you want” you better mean it.
8. Real story: I was at the bar last Saturday and I walked out into the hall to use the bathroom. The hall way was packed but people parted like the red sea cuz a big nig was coming thru. Gotta love that, so keep moving out the way if you see us comin.
9. Don’t always blame the biggest person in the room if someone farts.
If you got a lady or an alcoholic try a nice glass of wine. Chicken being a white meat, a white is in courage, but because of Barbeque being a red sauce, a red works just as well. I personally suggest a Chardonnay. Plus women (and yes this is a generalization) tend to like whites so you will score extra points for that little tid bit of knowledge.
