yeah buddy

weekend recap:

Friday

-left work

-grabbed some curry goat from the caribbean hut

-watched heat, manhattan murder mystery, & happiness

-saw some of the bobcats game vs. the warriors ('cats won in OT)

Saturday

-got breakfast from chickfila

-spilled tea/lemonade in my sister's car (sorry holmes)

-spent most of the day texting to ania

-videotaped myself record shopping at manifest....got my "amoeba records 'what's in your bag' on." yeah buddy (c) dorrough

-hung out at a lounge. got drinks, and got hit on by milfs. ahem.

Sunday

-a day of basketball and sunny weather.

-finished reading outliers & what the dog saw.

-and then, i saw this.....

So Ambitious

Have you ever been to a point to where your ambition gets the best of you?  I’ve recently come to this point.  I have a good job, my own spot, my own car and my future is bright, but a nigga wants more.  Its weird because I’ve always dreamed of getting to a point where I can look around and be like, “Man, you’ve done alright for yourself.”  I’m pretty much at that point.  And I know I’m young and have a lot more ahead of me. But still I gotta ask, what’s next?

I know I don’t have the fanciest life or anything like that, but what I do have is a solid foundation.  I have promise.  And I know you might be thinking, “what the hell is wrong with him cuz he seems to have shit in order?”, but the simple answer is… hell if I know.  We’re told by society and our families and parents to be driven to achieve more than they did, yadda yadda. But once I do get there, what do I do next?  Do I just make up another goal?  And what about once I get there, do I make yet another goal?  If this is the case when can I ever be satisfied with my accomplishments if I always want more? When can I ever be happy? 

I was told once by someone who was really close to me at one point, “you’re never satisfied”.  I joked it off and kept it moving.  But now that I think about it, is that a good thing or a bad thing?  That means that I am not the type to settle for whatever life may hand me, but it also means that it will be difficult to accept my own accomplishments as enough.

This term, for me, has be coined “the quarter life crisis”.  No, I’m not all depressed and such, but I have been prone to a funk or two every now and then.  Let me break down the thought process for you on how a funk is developed from a quarter life crisis…

1.    1.  I just want to be happy and achieve?

2.    2.  What is it going to take to make me happy?

3.    3.  I can’t figure out what exactly I need to make me happy.

4.   4.  I feel like I’m wasting my younger years by not knowing what is going to make me happy.

5.    5.  And now I thinking about the fact that I am now actually wasting my time because I’m thinking about thinking…. And the cycle continues.

I just want what I want to make me happy and I don’t want to have to figure out what I want.  I just want it.  Can anyone relate?  I take it most of the readers of this blog are in my age range and have come to or will come to a point where you begin to wonder where is the next step.  You may be employed somewhere where there are people who have been in the same position for 20 years, like me, and you say, “Aw hell nah! That aint bout to be me!”   My question for you is, do you think they planned on being there or did they just become content?  See I think that is what I fear is the thought of being content, not being truly happy.  I don’t really know where I was going with this article, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there.  So I will leave you with what I have figured out about overcoming the quarter life crisis…

You have to outline what will make you happy even if you can’t pin point it. You have to quell your ambition just long enough to realize that at some point you will just have to realize that you are happy with what you’ve done.  The structure of what will make you happy is shaped around a few pillars.  There is the WHO pillar, the WHERE pillar and the WHAT pillar.  The who is simple.  What persons are involved in your life.  Friends, family, wifey, kids etc.  The whole nine.  Then you have to figure out where.  This is not the geographical type of where but the “at what point in my life” type of where.  Where will a kid and a wife fit in?  Where will I be able to switch jobs?  At what point do you want to be the old nigga with a weekly routine that consists of getting your car washed every Wednesday morning on the way to do water aerobics at the Y. When will I get into a routine?  And finally, the what portion.  WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?  That’s the part I’m struggling with and will probably continue to do so for a while because I’m just too ambitious to settle on any one idea. 

If you got nothing from this blog, that’s cool. You know why? Cuz it aint for you.  It is what it is.

Maybe I wrote this bc I always seem to get in a funk around my birthday… buy me something on February 1^st.  I’ll be your best friend. If not we can still be chill.

L’chaim

P!ed P!per

DFTF

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words, it is expressed in the choices one makes”
Now Elanor Roosevelt may have been right about that but I'm gonna try my damndest to express in words one of my philosophies so take a read...

"Go with the flow" "Roll with the punches" "Just go with it"
All these are phrases meant to enourage people not to think so damn much and live a little. Well I've got another phrase for you...DFTF. What does DFTF mean? "Don't Fight The Feeling". It's my life motto and as of yet has not failed me once. What I mean when I say Dont Fight The Feeling is don't let anyone or anything discourage you from doing what you think is right or fun at the time. Life is about experiences its about the journey, why not make it an adventure.

Here are some real world examples where people fight the feeling:

When you hear a song and everything within you wants to break out in dance but you think that people are gonna look at you sideways.

When you see a pretty girl and you want to talk to her but your scared she might think your a creeper.

When you think about your grandparents or a family member and while taking five minutes out of your day to tell them you love them would probably make your day you think of something more important to do.

I say DO IT...Dance if you feel like dancing, go talk to that girl, tell your family and friends that you love them. Don't let an opportunity to add something positive to your or someone else's life pass you by. You never know if or when that opportunity will come around again.

Basically this is a philosophy encouraging a life with no regrets and challenges you everyday to add something to your life. Something that you can't touch but you can feel and has a positive effect on those who surround you.

Now if that sounds too "hippie-ish" to you or your not feeling the idea that's cool, but if you dig the idea hit me up and you can get a "DFTF" t-shirt...yes I've had T-shirts made and buttons are on the way. I want to spread this idea to the masses.

In closing I love you all...Thanks for reading.

"Don't Fight The Feeling!" Live by it...

<---Definitely not fighting the feeling these guys...






And I know I'm late but it still hurts so RIP Tina Marie...

8 rules that every black geek needs to know about dating

Yes ladies and gentleman I am a Geek. But not just any kind of Geek. Nope, I am in that dweeb category. We’re a step below the WOWers (those fuckers are losers), but in the same category as the people who can recite the Empire Strikes Back...backwards, and who read the Lord of the Rings…three times….before the movie was even thought of. *sigh* However, being a nerd is becoming more of an accepted thing in black culture. Hip hop is filled with openly out Geeks now, rapping about anime and comic books (there’s even a Final Fantasy concept album…yeah its going to be as cool as it sounds). We got vampires, and wizards, and musicals, and Lupe Fiasco…all letting people know that it’s okay to be a Geek, to be a nerd even. So as the nerd population increases, so do their dating prospects. Well, we at 5ivebruhs have decided to put together 8 rules that every Black Geek needs to know when it comes to dating. (These may or may not have come from experience).


1. No matter what, playing video games around your girl is a sure fire way to keep the panties on. And if you’re playing an MMO, well you can kiss sex goodbye. There is no better aphrodisiac then storming the Lich King’s kingdom with your online friends (sarcasm).

2. Do not take relationship advice from Star Wars. If your woman says: “I love you”, you cannot counter with “I know”. She will never say it again, and you will probably get your dick frozen in carbonite (see what I did there).
3. At least pretend to like her music. Yes I know you’re totally into some strange band from Greenwich Village. And it has a neo-80s/grunge/blues sound with electronica strings and a guitarist that copies Clapton exactly. But if you listen to it all the time your girl is going to start bringing her I-pod on car trips, and start ignoring you.

4. Nerds do not make good wing men. Especially high/drunk nerds who just saw Black Swan. All they will want to do is talk about Mila Kunis, and that amazing lesbian scene. Did I say Mila Kunis and a lesbian sex scene? Just making sure everyone got that.
5. Your women will not dress up like Wonder Woman, Strom, or Tifa. Sorry man, let that fantasy die.

6. I’ve only known of one instance where wearing a comic book t-shirt was a good idea when meeting parents. Every other time has been greeted with stares, and ill opinions of who their daughter is dating.
7. Black geeks love Marvel, and despise DC (like they do republicans). Under no circumstances admit to preferring DC over Marvel in the company of African Americans. If you do you will look more awkward then Michael Steele at a Nation of Islam convention. You can, however talk excessively about Batman. We seem to love Batman.
8. Lastly remember this age old quote: “to your own self be true”. Yes this negates everything I’ve written up to this point, but bear with me. We joke, but at the end of the day your going to be ultimately stuck with yourself. Your DC loving, MMO playing, Star Wars quoting, awkward self. Trying to be anything else will just make it worst. So embrace it. Its okay to watch Dragon ball Z when your 25, just know when to turn it off.




….Even Michael Steele is true to himself. He just happens to be a douche. 

There Can Only Be One

Today’s Topic: There Can Only Be One

The title of being “the greatest basketball player ever” is bigger than the game of basketball. It involves a certain je ne sais quoi known as: it.

Michael Jordan will be the greatest basketball player ever for a long time. He has it. There is not a current player who will be able to challenge the throne. With NBA players being friendlier to each other, softer defensive rules to promote higher scoring games, and more lucrative contracts without having to prove your worth first, the days of cutthroat competitors like Magic, Bird, and Michael are done. Thanks to Lebron James, we were all witnesses of this last summer. Non-knowledgeable basketball fans argue if Kobe Bean Bryant wins six rings, he will be equal to MJ. These are the people you need to avoid. If you are forced to have a conversation with them, discuss the weather and nothing else. From a basketball standpoint, MJ will be #1 for a long time. It’s not even close. I am here to argue the pop culture aspect, simply because of NBA2K11. This represent a new generation of fans who were too young to see MJ, yet revere him as the greatest ever. I want to explain why MJ is held in this regard, and why Kobe will never be “that guy.” Intro this debate PTI style.

Kornheiser: "Ok Wilbon, important question here, Kobe Bryant is gunning for his sixth ring. If he gets his sixth, he will pass Magic as the winningest Laker of all time, and tie Michael Jordan with six rings. Wilbon you grew up in Chicago, and have spent a lot of time with both of these guys...does this move Kobe up the NBA echelon to tie Jordan?

Wilbon: " Well Tone, there is no question it moves him up the NBA chain. But with Jordan, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Jordan’s list of accomplishments far outweigh Kobe’s. Not to mention he told the police Shaq cheats on his wife.

Kornheiser: "But he scored 81 points in a game!!! Something your boy Jordan’s never done.”

Wilbon: "Tony, he's a snitch"

Kornheiser: "I don't see how being a snitch affects his ability to score 81 points, win five titles, and be a twelve time All-Star."

Wilbon: "Tone, he's a snitch! People don’t care that Charles Barkley never won a ring. They care about him because he’s charismatic and likeable! But for Kobe to be with MJ, it’s bigger than basketball. There’s a cool factor involved, and Kobe, as good of a basketball player as he is, just doesn’t have it."

Kornheiser: "Him talking to the police about Shaq shouldn’t be held against him when discussing BASKETBALL. In his later years, Larry Bird was quite ornery. I’m just saying…[bell rings] Let’s go to the big finish… "

In this fictional argument, both men made good points. What someone does off the court should not be the sole influence on your opinion of the basketball player. However, this argument would hold more weight if this were the 1950’s; The NBA is global now. Yao Ming has more votes than any center in the Western Conference thanks to a billion Chinese people. A player’s responsibilities involve being marketable, making commercials, and generally being perceived as a brand. Some choose to embrace this task (Lebron); others shy away from it (Tim Duncan). Neither choice is right nor wrong, it’s just a difference in personality.

Herein lies the problem with Kobe: his personality. Bean is not a cool guy. He is an incredible basketball player… one the ten greatest basketball players of all-time…but he’s just not cool. The timeline of Bean’s uncoolness.

- Taking Brandy to the prom. (Monica was/is better looking, and since Kobe was looking for street cred, Monica would have been the better choice.)
- Imitating Michael Jordan’s mannerisms
- His rap career
- The afro
- His corny Adidas logo and shoes.
- Arguing with Shaq
- The rape case in Eagle, Colorado
- Telling the police he should have paid off Kate Faber like Shaq does when he cheats on Shaunie. (He obviously never learned the Robert De Niro lesson in Goodfellas. To quote De Niro: You took your first pinch like a man, and you learned the two greatest things in life: never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut. Kobe skipped this scene.)
- Getting those goofy tattoos.
- Arguing with Karl Malone after Kobe’s wife said Karl tried to talk to her. (Karl came up to me and said he was hunting for little Mexican girls…if I could redo my high school yearbook quote, it would be “hunting little Mexican girls”)
- Getting Shaq and Phil Jackson out of LA. (This is when Kobe hate was at an all-time high.)
- The black mamba nickname. (It sounds like a porno title.)
- The Taliban pictures.


From a basketball standpoint, Kobe is the perfect imitation of Michael Jordan. He’s a great scorer, extremely competitive, lock down defender, and the most feared player with two minutes left in the game. But there is a big difference between imitation and original.

- MJ has a competitive disorder. If you slighted him, he’d destroy you. It was like feeding a lion raw meat. The LaBradford Smith game. The Van Gundy “MJ’s a con-artist” game. The George Karl game. Clyde Drexler 1992. Pistons 1991. 1996 MJ. Teams instructed players to not talk to MJ during the game, after the game, and during the off-season. Players were told not to look him in the eye; he’d use any edge he could find. Kobe doesn’t strike fear into opponents in this same manner.

- MJ was the perfect pitchmen. Women wanted to be with Mike, men wanted to be like Mike. Not Kobe. People, especially black men, have always looked at Kobe Bryant as corny.

- Nike was built around MJ. Aside from maybe Tiger Woods, he remains the number one priority with Nike. He hasn’t played an NBA game in almost ten years. Kobe got dropped from Nike during his scandal. This wouldn’t have happened to MJ.

- Players loved and feared MJ. Kobe was the black sheep in the NBA after the rape scandal. At that time, you were either Team Shaq or Team Kobe. Shaq won.

- MJ has legendary shoes and commercials. Kobe does not. Nobody cared about his Adidas, his sparkly Huaraches, or low-top basketball sneakers.



From a basketball perspective, it’s not even close. From a pop culture standpoint, the distance is even further. I could list numerous MJ stories about him crushing opponents, taking their will, and running them out of the league (Dennis Hopson, Pete Myers). Kobe struggled to find his identity. The moves he made constantly screamed for acceptance. MJ always knew who he was, a basketball player. He played his game, and everything else fell into place. This is why Kobe will always be number two to MJ’s number one. MJ was Michael Corleone; Kobe is Sonny. Lebron is Fredo, a bitch.

Speaking of being a bitch…..Jay Cutler, what the fuck?

The Newness of Shit

P!ed P!per is reporting live from his HP laptop (little gift I picked up from my first and last black Friday adventure).  Feels good to be back on the blog.  I really missed this joint and keeping that line of communication open between myself and the other 5ivebruh authors.  I have the liberty of wrapping up the first week of articles after almost a yearlong hiatus, but don’t get your hopes up.  I had an article entitled “The Nod” ready to go, but this morning I woke up with another topic on my mind, so here it goes.

The Newness of Sh!t

New shit always seems to sparkle and gleam when the light hits it.  And when the lights are off we imagine what it looks like. We can’t keep our mind off of it.  It’s like watching Modern Family and staring at Sofia Vergara’s titties and hoping they make her run around for some senseless reason.  Or watching the Patriots play and wishing Tom Brady gets fucked up by a linebacker or concussed off the field by a cameraman running along the sidelines to get the best shot.  I kinda hate Tom Brady.

New Shit, you will learn, at the end of the day is just more shit.  There’s nothing wrong with appreciating what you have and taking full advantage of it.  But there is an issue with elevating the new shit to a level it does not belong.  This pertains to cars, clothes, relationships etc.  Learn to love who and what you have.  Never become infatuated. Infatuation fades and leaves you with nothing.

Think about it. When you get a new car, you bust your ass to keep it clean. You tell all your friends about it.  You brag and you boast.  You blast your music and roll your windows down.  You drive two miles an hour so everybody sees you. (Will Smith- Summertime) But honestly?  The next nice car on the street out-does yours  and no one gives a fuck about you and your car once you’re gone.  I mean I know I’m not exempt from this.  I have done this myself and probably will continue to do so, although I’m cutting it down as much as possible.  Nothing wrong with appreciating your whip, but to become infatuated with it leaves you with something to be desired once its beauty fades.  Old people with old nice cars don’t showboat and  don’t desire everyone’s attention when they drive down the street.  Their cars are pristine.  They love their car.  They take care of it.  New age rich niggas get a new car every 7 months. Why? Because they are infatuated with the idea of a new car and who sees them in it, not cherishing the fact that the car is theirs, not someone elses, and appreciating it enough to keep and maintain it as time passes.  Infatuation with a 2009 Lambo will fade once the 2010 model drops.   When’s the last time you saw a 2002 exotic whip on the streets? Love for your ’68 Jag will last.  Go to church… all the nice shiny whips belong to the old heads.

 

Relationships are the same way. Friendships and beyond.  If you go into a relationship or friendship expecting the world and becoming infatuated with a person, you will never get to know them the way you intend to.  Infatuation allows you to see no fault.  It provides a smoke screen of the nuances that would bug the hell out of you if this person were just some nigga on the street.  Beginning to love someone allows you to see and acknowledge the fault, but not really give a damn.  Me and my roommate are like brothers.  We can, and no we’re not dick in the booty ass boys, tell each other “I love you man”.  And as of recently I’ve been replying, “You don’t love me, you love the idea of me.”  This is said in jest, but the more I think about that concept the more I realize that the statement is true more times than not. 

You don’t love me, you love the idea of me.

 Loving an idea is an infatuation. You can’t love an idea.  If you wanna argue, tell me how to you express your love for it?  MLK didn’t just love the idea of equality, he sought after it.  He wasn’t infatuated with marching to take a stand on Jim Crow’s bitch ass, he lived it.  He loved the idea of being seen as equal and pursued it.  He made it a reality.  That’s what love is about.  Caring enough to make the shit happen.  Allowing your heart strings to pull you into action and getting off your ass.  I’m infatuated with Regina King’s body in ‘This Christmas’.  I say that while I sit on my ass.  Have I moved yet? No.  I can’t say I’m in love with that joint with any sincerity.  I can say I love it to express that I realllllly thought that thang was dope (like for real though, I reallllly think that thing is dope, real talk) but its still just an infatuation.  When I think about my best friends I don’t get all giddy and shit.  I think, that’s my nigga. Solid.  No bullshit. No filler.  But people will rarely be able to live up to the lofty ideas that are involved with infatuation, so don’t ruin your image of your potential best friend or wifey/husband by expecting them to be more than human.  Fall in love with them for who they are, don’t become infatuated by the idea of what they COULD be.  After all, that’s just a dream, people will fail that ass.  Don't mope.

Take shit as it comes. Enjoy the ride.  Hell, when we started the IDEA of this blog we had STRICT guidelines for shit.  The newness of this thing got to us.  It restricted our creativity, and thus, restricted the euphoria to be felt from true expression.  We invaded our own constitutional rights.  No excessive language. No naked hoes. Don’t piss people off… Fuck that.  I was initially taken aback by the large bouncing breasts of Olivia Huxtable on the blog. When I saw them the first time, I wondered about the reflection of this image on 5ivebruhs.  My first thought was… Maybe this makes us look like a joke?  Will women be offended?  Does our blog lack integrity?  Is Raven Symone pregnant?  The answer to all these questions is the same… it doesn’t fuckin matter.  Hell, those titties are hilarious, and we are some hilarious dudes. (Bounce on titties, bounce on…)   It was the newness of shit that caused a slight infatuation of what this blog could become, making us weary the first go 'round with this thing.  The newness had an adverse effect in the long run.  It was the newness of shit that gets us depressed when a new friend let us down.  It’s the newness of shit that pisses us the fuck off the minute a bird shits on our new car.  A little bird poo ain’t never hurt no one.  Like I said earlier, its just more shit. Calm down.

 

In closing, enjoy and appreciate the newness of shit, but do so on the gradual road to love, especially with people.  Little Kim is infatuated with Nikki Minaj’s career… you see where that shit is getting her…   Scary shit---->

(I'm not a Nikki fan either, although that moment 4 life jawn hits...)

L’Chaim,

P!ed P!per

"THE BIG THREE"

Jonny Casanova lives people. 5ivebruhs is back in full effect. Things have been pretty good. I went back to school recently to get my masters and its been great. I gotta say though, going back to school within a year of undergrad gives one an entirely new perspective on things. I very much suggest it. All of the benefits of undergrad with the life experience that you wish you had prior. Makes for some good times. Anyway, here is a true account of the most eventful night of last weekend. I will leave out specifics in order to protect the identities of those involved.

With that said, here are 3 things that I will never stop/turn down once the situation presents itself. We'll call them "THE BIG THREE" for the purposes of the blog.

They are as follows:

1. If someone offers me a beer

2. If someone offers me some of that soul flower (that's weed for the squares out there)

3. If a woman is taking my clothes off

I wrote a blog months ago back when 5ivebruhs was very active entitled "It's from the Earth" about weed, the benefits thereof and why it should be legalized. Well I must say after the weekend bender that I just had, I can say that all of those things that I outlined remain to be true, even number 4, I had the good fortune of knocking that one off the list as well... for those of you who are new or need a refresher, here is an excerpt from that fateful post.

***flash back***

1. It makes food taste better.

2. It makes scary movies scarier and funny movies funnier.

3. It makes music sound AMAZING.

4. (I hear but have never experienced) It makes sex feel better.

5. It makes conversations "seemingly" more important and deep...lol.

6. There isnt an organization called Mothers Against High Driving

7. There is medical marijuana but not medical vodka or tequila

***end of flashback***

Anyway. You caught up? Good. The weekend I just had was full of fun with an extreme apathy for making responsible decisions. I decided to exercise nearly all the rights that Brother Martin Luther King fought for in expert fashion. It was awesome.

I am pretty sure that I experienced all of the most fun things that can happen when you smoke weed all in one 4 day stretch, but I will highlight just one night. It all started when I went to my neighbors house to retrieve my jacket that I left there after a huge party they had the night before. ***cue flashback music***

I walked up the stairs with 1 purpose and suddenly I was hit with 1 of the "THE BIG THREE".

"Hey Colin, you want a beer?
"Of course I do." I answer knowing I'm in for a hell of a night. 1 beer will always turn into 2 and if your me, it may turn into.....more than that...

1 beer turned into 3 then suddenly someone pulled out the bong. At this point I was no longer concerned with having a quiet night at home. I looked around for my jacket, grabbed it, and right as I was turning to head back home, the rotation of the bong had worked its way to me, as if it knew I was leaving. There was no way I was gonna turn it down...2 out of "THE BIG THREE" had gotten me at this point. After inhaling a massive amount of smoke from a device that used to be a bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold, it wasn't but a couple of minutes before I was on Mars chillin'. After receiving texts from some friends about going out, I was a little hesitant about thrusting myself into a social situation given my condition but something told me that everything was gonna be fine. So I left. No goodbyes. You tend to be less concerned with etiquette when you're in that state of mind. One of my friends was performing that night so we went to his show. Me and a couple of school friends get to the bar. As I entered, all of the colors and lights combined with the music and the energy of the bar made it a seemingly religious experience for me. I was on cloud 9 but if only I could get the third of the BIG THREE handled before the end of the night. It was as if I knew it would happen but I didn't know how.

***After about an hour and a half***

"Were leaving, were over it...(unintelligible)" a friend of mine's voice trails off as the DJ cranks the volume in this extremely colorful bar. She grabs my hand and signals me to leave. I wonder how many people I know and hadn't said hello to. I also wondered if anyone knew how inebriated I was. I quickly decided that I didn't really care that much.

"Where are we going?" I yelled, seemingly at the top of my lungs

I couldn't hear where she said we were going I was just hoping it wasn't what I thought I heard. But, Of course it was the bar I swore never to enter again (long story). Anyway we get there and immediately this very attractive girl starts buying me shots of tequila and it wasn't before the last shot was taken that it seems we were downing another. By this time I was in a state of mind that we like to call equilibrium. Where the powers of the 2 forms of intoxication combine in just the right way. It finally dawned on me why she was buying me these shots and after a dazed ride back to her spot, a bottle of water and another hit of the ganga, I'm happy to say that I completed the 3rd of "THE BIG THREE" and number 4 on my "Why weed should be legalized" list.

So overall solid night. I did end up walking back to my house that next morning...I never knew the sun could be that bright.

Hope you enjoyed the story. I wish I could tell more but I'm pretty sure that's all I can remember right now. Oh, and call me a nerd but the movie you need to see while blazed is "The Legend of the Guardians The Owls of Ga'hoole". That jive blew my mind! ---------------->

Glad to be back. Follow us at twitter.com/5ivebruhs and tell your friends...

Peace

May Have Been Just a Speech...

But it may be the defining speech of a decade. President Obama’s Speech at the recent Arizona shooting memorial was not only profoundly moving, but it made both sides of the political divide shut up for at least 24 hours. Which is almost impossible. Both Democrats and Republicans seemed to take a collective in breath, as our national leader sought to answer our questions and sooth our pain over this event. But the speech was more then just a simple memorial. It sought to reassure the American people in the face of an increasingly violent reality. It was simple, graspable, and exactly what we wanted and needed to hear. Now almost a week later, we are beginning to see the negative rhetoric begin again. It seems that people have forgotten what Obama desired. Compassion for each other, reflection, and leading lives that help each other. I hope we will remember Obama’s poignant message, even when things look their worst.

"We need to make sure we are talking to each other in a way that heals, not wounds."

For those of you who missed the speech, check it out below. Happy belated MLK day.

Man Laws

Yep….we’re back.

I wish I had a clever opening line explaining why we were gone, but I don’t. So, let’s just get into it.

Today’s Topic: Man Laws

Since the last post in June 2010, plenty of events have occurred that I wanted to discuss on the blog. These events range from things that happened in my personal life, to daily news topics in pop culture. Two things inspired today’s post: one event from my personal life, and something in pop culture.

Personal: While at work, I drink a lot of water. On average, approximately 80 oz. each day. It is inevitable that I will have to pee at some point during the day. I have noticed that when I go to the bathroom, white men do not skip a space in between urinals, and they love to look at you and talk while urinating. This is a serious pet peeve of mine.


Pop Culture: My favorite commercials over the past year have been the Miller Lite Man Up shorts. It is a list of things not to do socially as men: European thongs, sunglasses at night, all-over print garments (ex: BAPE, Ed Hardy, dragon print).

Every man has a series of unwritten rules by which he governs his life. I am a man of code. I believe in boundaries and strict guidelines in which I govern my interactions with other men. I present to you my Man Laws.




1. Pay all bets: Nothing is worst than a guy who is quick to gamble his money with you, only to renege on the payment once he loses. This error comes in many different variations:

a. not paying fantasy football dues
b. betting someone $10, and once you lose, offering 10 beers instead of the owed $10
c. making passive/aggressive bets after shaking in agreement (example)

Person A: I bet you $100 you don’t know who the 2007 NBA MVP was
Person B: ok deal, *shakes on it*, Dirk Nowitzki
Person A: damn, I was just kidding anyway. fuck that bet

This is rule number one for me because it’s just terrible. Who would want to be friends with someone like this? If you make a bet, pay up. Regardless of how right you think were, when you lose, Man Up and stop being a dick.

2. 5 Year Sports Rule: Since I was a child, I’ve always had hate for the over-complaining sports fan. The guy who always was degrading his team regardless of how much success they obtained in recent memory. Nothing was ever good enough for this guy, and he always found fault with something in regards to his team. I never could understand my hate until I started reading the late Ralph Wiley. He had this rule, and I completely agree. You cannot complain about your team if they have won a championship within the last five years. This especially goes for Laker fans, excuse me, Kobe fans right now.

The Lakers have won two straight championships. Although they are currently struggling (if you want to call it that), LA fans have nothing to complain about. Most of them became fans within the last twenty years. Since that time, LA has been pretty good (five titles, eight Finals appearances, and all five titles were in the last ten years). No one wants to hear you bitch and moan about losing on Christmas. Kick rocks. Say you lost the game, and move on. Anything thing after that, kick rocks. Recent title winners who have no grounds for complaints: Steelers, Giants, Celtics, and Colts fans…. I would say Spurs fans, but there are no Spurs fans. Patriots fans are now off the hook.

3. Bathroom etiquette: This is a rule that does not apply to white men. I have learned that they have a different set of rules, and I can not hold it against them when they are in violation, which would be all the time. Black men must adhere to this one: skip a space between urinals, and do not talk to me while your dick is out. The only time you are allowed to not skip a space is when you are attending a sporting event, and the bathroom is a row of urinals. That is acceptable. Step up to the urinary trough, do your business, shake it, and bounce. Otherwise, skip a space. Nothing is more annoying than someone who feels compelled to talk to you because you’re standing next to them. Can this conversation not wait thirty seconds? Is this life or death information right now? If not, wait until I am washing my hands, then you can ask me about the Knicks game.

4. Break-Up Depression: As a human being, you will face a number of social rejections in life. Men face these at an earlier age, and more frequently than women. This is a result of men being hunters, and women being hunted. Any social or physical deficiency a man has as a child, he will learn to get over at an early age. Children are cruel. If you are short, you will hear enough short jokes to where it will no longer bother you anymore. You will be better equipped for dealing with rejection throughout life because of that experience. The same goes for children who were overweight, musty, had bad skin, grew up poor, etc.

However, none of those experiences can prepare you fully for your first break-up with someone you truly care about. You will be upset, angry, depressed, and a bunch of other justified emotional feelings you will hate yourself for having. The key is to get over it and move on. Some people need more time than others; however, your moping period can not extend over two weeks. Anything over two weeks, and you are letting it affect your relationship with your friends, and co-workers. That is not wanted. Whatever brings you joy or takes your mind off of your misery, do it. Nothing is worse than a friend who takes his break-up frustrations out on you for weeks/months at a time. All men will experience the break-up pain, but you have to move on and you’ll need help in the process. Which brings me to rule #5.

5. Rehabilitation Buddy: This is a role every man must play at some point in his life. Especially once you hit your mid-20’s. Think of this man as the consummate wingman, the Scottie Pippen of wingmen. In this role, your job is to help your close friend get out of his funk if it takes longer than two weeks. Some men make the mistake of releasing their buddy out into the wild too quickly and recklessly, only to have him get shot down by women, and see Gordon Gekko-esque guys get all the chicks. As a result, his confidence is shattered and you’re stuck with a buddy in a deep state of depression. This role has to be done perfectly, quickly, and lovingly (pause). If you are noticing your friend is in a state of depression, and it is affecting his social and corporal life, follow these steps.

a. Confidence builders. The best thing for this is working out. You are stepping up your physical game before you re-enter society as a single man. The motivating factor behind this is the failed relationship. Although this should not be the case, it more than likely will be because the man will have a “fuck that bitch” mentality while working out. At least, he’ll have a good workout.

b. Sports. Inviting him out to the bar to watch the games takes his mind off of “that bitch”, and helps him begin to use that social gear that was dormant during his depression, and when he was in a relationship. (Quick sidebar: every man has a different social gear. “At work”, “With the guys”, "Job interview", “Meeting new women at a social event”. The last gear is significantly higher than the others, and requires you to be “on”.)

c. The wild. After his confidence is up and he’s ready to get out there, invite him out with a group of women. The main point here is forced one-on-one interaction with another woman. Make him get on the bike and see what happens.







If you violate all of these at once, just buy me a Guinness stout and we’re cool.

Peace.

twitter.com/hibelk <--add me. i'm new to this shit.