Trip with the youth

Today I am a counsler for a youth trip.  Several other adults and I are taking 30+ teenagers to a conference.  Please pray that none of the youth men have to be harmed...thats all.

3 random true stories told in Hemingway style

There was a time that I worked as a valet.  It was an easy job while pursuing my masters degree.  I got very good at parking cars.  Carl worked there.  He was a janitor.  He had a cul de sac for a hairline with a small tuft of hair on the top.  He was very smart.  When he saw me he would ask what I learned today. I would reply "humility".  He always laughed.  We were friends.   He reminded me of Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting; but if Matt Damon's character was black and no one ever found out he was a genius.  I felt bad for him sometimes.  I imagined him going back to his apartment alone after work.  We would wash the wall paint off his hands. He would finish reading Atlas Shrugged for the 5th time. He would flick off the light above his bed, and dream.

This job I had as a valet was at a hotel.  The hotel was very nice.  It was as if Vegas met Southern Living.  One day I met Mike Epps there.  He made me laugh. Cabs came to the hotel everyday.  We knew the cabbies well.  Stacy Adams was my favorite cabbie.  He was taller than I and about 150 pounds heavier.  He had funny stories of couples having sex in his cab.  He once was invited by a couple of swingers to a hot tub party.  According to him it was a fun party.  He once told me a story that I dont believe.  As he tells it he once had a fare.  She was an older woman.  She had a dog and the dog was small.  He didn't like the dog.  The dog barked too much.  He would take this woman and her dog to the grocery store every day.  One day as the old woman and her dog approached,  he barked loudly as a large dog would when provoked.  The old woman's small dog froze and fell to ground dead.

Yesterday I took my dog for a walk.  It was almost night.  The time when the trees turn black against the soon to be night sky.  My dog wandered to my neighbors front stoop.  I hoped Dizzy wouldn't shit there.  He didn't.  My neighbor is old.  He lives home alone mostly but sometimes his wife is there.  This night his wife was not there.  He came out of the house while Dizzy was sniffing his flowers.  He laughed and greeted me.  He always gets my name wrong. I never correct him out of respect. He's old after all. He had a letter in his hand. I wondered why but he told me before I could ask.  He was sending a letter our congressman.  He doesn't support gay marriage.  I lied to him in agreement and wished him a goodnight.

Scary Ass Video Games: The Last of Us

One of the biggest exclusive titles for the PS3 dropped recently. A game that was rated so high, it has my buddies who own Xbox’s, God bless their little souls, wanting to rent my PS3 and the game for $40 for the weekend. This is a no brainer. You get to borrow it for $40.  The game title you ask?

A little background. I for one have never been a fan of the zombie genre of video games because I get too damn stressed. Yes I said it. I get scared like a little bitch. Like Drake fighting a 15 year old bare knuckle or like chickens fear The Colonel. They give you 3 bullets, 9 zombies and herky-jerky controls that make it almost impossible to stop that brain thirsty mofo from flanking you and enjoying a nice neck sandwich. Compliments of my avatar. Shit ain’t for me. I remember the one scary game I sat down and was like, “Dude, don’t be a chicken shit!” was Resident Evil Nemesis.  This was the wrong one to try. Why? Because this big ass super zombie chases you the ENTIRE time you’re playing and you can’t kill him. He just keeps coming and tries to kill you when he catches up. That nigga was like herpes. Just when you forget it exists, it pops up. I fear that big ass zombie in the game and I fear herpes. 

I’m not a fan of being chased in real life or in video games. I’m a fighter not a flighter. The Last of Us gives you the element of surprise and you get to be the aggressor. Much better in my opinion. I feel like a lot of scary games make you the bitch and make you all but helpless in order to get cheap scares. Not a fan.I’ve heard Dead Space is a scarier game, but I digress.

The last of us, although I’m only about 4 stressful hours deep out of 12-16 hours of game play, is a fantastic game. It’s a beautiful creation and is probably the most realistic zombie apocalypse game to date.  You have limited ammo, so no run and gun, and you have to assemble your supplies like healing kits, for example, and heal yourself which takes time. No more running, munching on a magical pill and getting 75% of your life back. You have to find a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some rags to make a disinfecting bandage. So real. Your dude gets shot like two or three times in the body, he’s dead. One to the head and hit that restart button.  Joel, the character you play, is no superman either. This nigga can’t jump high or far, nor is he super fast or strong. Just a regular ass white dude that been through some ish, so he don’t play games. I’m not going to spoil the game for you because I’m sure you ALL are going to play it (sarcasm), but the object is basically navigating the world of zombies for a very specific purpose. Beware of the damn clicker zombie. He’s the one with his head busted wide open in the back on the left.

Ok, so after a not so brief intro to the gaming genre and The Last of Us, I’m going to give you my take on these games.  For me, its about not being a punk ass and beating the game, and on the hardest setting. Its not that damn fun. I don’t want to do like a lot of gamers and play it 3 or 4 times through, I just want to beat it on the ultimate setting once to say I did it. I love scary movies, but all I have to do is watch and be a little nervous. In these games you have to survive yourself. Nerve-wracking. The controls from this game are MUCH better than the Resident Evil series so that helps. It feels very much like the Uncharted game series, but your guy is much more “normal” and not an athletic gawd. This genre of gaming is always gory and I seriously would never let my kids play them. Thankfully growing up my parents didn’t know much about the gaming world.  

All in all, I WILL beat this effing game. I have to will myself to play it everytime to keep my thug status. Haha. Hardly. Either way, that $60 I spent on the game won’t go to waste because I’m more frugal then scared. So is it really about having fun? To me its about the challenge and overcoming. Got to prove to myself that I can survive a zombie apocalypse. I must really have issues if I’m paying to do something that I don’t think is a ton of fun. Pray for me.

Oh, PS… Reserve your PS4 people! Don’t miss out! NERD STATUS BABY!!

71 DAYS

71 Days til NFL season starts.

fantasy football is everything.

jj watt is a machine.



Dear Black Community: Here is a list of things more important then Paula Deen

1.  George Zimmerman's Trial begins this week.
2. Supreme Court votes on a very important piece of Affirmative Action Legislation.
3. China's Fuck You to America by sending Snowden to Russia.
4. Brazil's Revolution.
5. Turkey's revolution.
6. Syria's Civil War.
7. Taliban's having open talks with the United States since the start of the war 12 YEARS AGO!
8. Chicago's Civil War.
9. Black Unemployment is spiked at 13%.
10. Howard University MAY CLOSE IN THREE YEARS!
11. PRISM
12. Immigration Overhaul may clear the Senate.
13. Nelson Mandela is still in critical condition.
14. Kanye's War with everybody else.
15. Game of Thrones
16. This cute Puppy.

So Black Folks, can we move on. The woman cooks fried chicken dipped in brown sugar and topped by butter. That's it. She literally provides nothing to our culture besides double chins and diabetes.

 

Honestly, if you're surprised this woman called you a n*** then I'm sorry, I can't help you.

So Let The Hating Begin

Last night the Miami Heat won their second straigh NBA Championship.  A lot of people or bandwagoners are happy.  We have people on the southside of Chicago celebrating like our Bulls just won (they are always doing backwards stuff) and you have your fans that were hiding after game 5 running out of the closet like.....nevermind (I don't want to get fined by the blog police)!  With this win and the celebrating going on you know the hate for the is coming, so let it begin with me!!!!!!!!!
I will not go into detail about my disgust for them winning because I want to write a short article.  David Stern pulled out all the stops in order to get Miami the win.  I will say throughout the playoffs there have been many questionable calls in favor of the Heat, I was confused as to which team Manu Ginobilli was playing for and the greatest coach still coaching made too many mistakes in this series.  I think the fix was in!  I said I would keep my hate short so thats all folks.  If you would like to join me in hate please comment and we can hate together!

P.s.-I would like to shoutout Juwan Howard for riding the pine to his 2nd meaningless ring.  Did he even dressout at all this year????

For the Miami fans, below is a link of your team celebrating:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxllo8AcNo0 

6 months of sobriety....HOLY SHIT!

At the beginning of this year I did something that I've done many times, I decided to quit drinking and smoking.  This isn't the first or second time I've attempted this.  I used to do it as a sort of spiritual cleansing that would last at the most 2 weeks, which is less a spiritual cleansing than a detox after months of heavy drinking and bad decision making.  A lot of times this attempt at sobriety would have been an flimsy promise at best.  I recall one time I decided to quit drinking and found my self an hour later in a pizza place sharing a pitcher with one of buddies and mid way through pouring Sam Adams down my throat thinking, "FUCK", and carrying on.  This time was different.  I was serious but didn't quite know how serious I was about this.  This was more than a spiritual cleansing.  It was a personal test of will and discipline.  I wanted to prove that I could do it.  To make it more difficult I added (removed) weed to the mix and that was HARD.  Much harder than alcohol.  If anyone has read any of my older posts you know my stance on marijuana, a stance that hasn't changed.  So anyway I've hit the six-month mark and I gotta say.  Life is boring.  You don't realize how much fun life is when you're drinking until you voluntarily given it up. Plus while it didn't necessarily exclude me from social events it definitely put a bit of a strain on me in the beginning.  I fought with my old self thinking maybe I was only fun when I was drinking or smoking then I realized that was completely ridiculous and came to understand that thinking that way is one of the reasons why I should probably continue because all of those internal struggles are a test of will.  Over time the strain in social situations ended and its now become a habit almost like a game to collect as many days or months off drinking or smoking and when you give in you lose the game.  With that said, I have no idea how long I will be on this not drinking or smoking thing.  I do know I will start smoking before I start drinking again.

Here are some things that I have learned during this process.

1.  My life is much more boring
2.  Giving up something doesn't make you a better person
3.  Removing a de-motivator (like weed) doesn't make you more motivated
4.  Drunk people are only more annoying when you don't know them
5.  Being the DD is not so bad
6.  I get a phantom mini hangover when people that start a story with "I was real fucked up"
7.  Smoking weed is awesome but it can be a monumental waste of time
8.  Drinking is ok but its a detrimentally unhealthy vice
9.  Knowing 7 and 8 makes it hard to consider starting back again

Ive learned a shit ton more but I think those 9 get the point across.  DFTF.

Oh and I almost forgot.  On Sunday a harmless internet trolling of Sinbad on twitter for posting an incredibly boring vine turned into one of the most thrilling internet related experiences of my life that didn't involve porn.  Here is the exchange with me and Sinbad.  Gotta understand this nigga was my childhood.  I was so geeked that he came back at me.

Born Sinner

So in contrast to yesterday's post I'm going to talk about the better album that dropped on the same day. Cole put it down. He finally gave up on the largely mainstream sound he thought would sell records and gave his early fans what they wanted. Above average production and excellent lines and themes. I have to say I'm biased because I won't listen to Yeezus for my reasons but it's hard to imagine Kanye banging with Cole lyrically.

His use of samples from songs this generation would see as classics in our lifetime is probably my favorite aspect. Makes a nigga feel old but experienced in hip hop. I bought the deluxe edition. Pricey but I'm a fan.

Free stream of the album at http://www.bornsinner.com/albumstream.

Check it.

yeezus

Kanye West released Yeezus today. I’m not going to give a review on Yeezus or talk about his career, because you can read pitchfork for that. I will just say this: I listen to Kanye West simply because the dude makes good music. It’s easy to dislike him. He’s not cool, and he desperately wants you to think he is cool…putting that aside, you can’t deny his music. He’s my generation’s version of Dr. Dre...For me, Yeezus didn’t disappoint.

I like the fact that it isn't cohesive, and at times feels like a mixtape. I like the fact that the subject matter is juvenile and the epitome of having first world problems (why else are you listening to Kanye West if not for first world problems?). I like Daft Punk; they’re heavy on the album. I like College Dropout; ‘Ye through me a bone on Bound 2 (Charlie Wilson killed it). Blood on the Leaves though….at 1:07, FAMU, A&T, and EVERY black high school and university in the South will now begin working on this song. It’s a monster. This is probably the hardest sounding Kanye song he’s made. You could argue Cold, Can’t Tell Me Nothing, and the Swizz version of the Power Remix, but…man Blood on the Leaves is a hard ass song…I didn’t like 808’s; that remains true on this album with Hold my Liquor and Guilt Trip…but I like Yeezus and it’s been on repeat since I got it.

It isn't the groundbreaking album he wants you to think it is. This isn't a game changer, and more people are not going to start listening to house or dancehall music as a result of Yeezus. Mainly because the Kanye version of house and dancehall is so homogenized; however, judging it strictly for what it is and no other external factors, the songs sound good. People tend to overthink Kanye's music and force themselves to like it...mainly out of fear for not seeming cool or understanding of art. Yeezus is a regular ass album by a dude who tried to do something different. And for the most part, it worked.

Damsel in Distress: A Feminist look at Gaming

This video has been frequently video game blogs recently. Tropes VS. Women has been a semi popular viral video that explores feminist theory in popular media. Recently the star and main researcher, Anita Sarkeesian, sought out to explore video games and one of it's most popular plot devices, the Damsel in Distress. I don't agree with everything Sarkeesian states, but this video has forced me to take a long hard look at a media that I'm passionate about. Unfortunately, video games major demographic is still pre-teen to early teenage white boys, and video game publishers still play to the lowest common denominator when it comes to video game development. There are exceptions of course, but too frequently video games perpetuate a hyper straight masculine culture. If video games hope to ascend past a niche and into the realm of high art reserved for film and certain television then it must move past this limiting and lazily narrative structure. Any way, watch for yourself. Like I said I don't agree with everything she says, and there are plenty of refutes online if you are so inclined. Just a bit of a warning: don't watch if you are easily annoyed by condescension.

We Too Old For This

This will be a brief article.  I just want to express a feeling about what I saw lastnight.  So when I left North Carolina and the south there was one thing I thought I left there and that was niggas brawling.  Not a fight, but an all out brawl with about 30 people involved.  I guess the foolishness followed me to downtown Chicago....downtown Chicago!  The reason that I emphasis downtown Chicago is because I would not expect it there.  If I got to the southside I expect to see brawl, we killing people on the southside everyday!

Let me inform you that these were educated people fighting.  These people fighting are in greek organizations.  I thought that when you graduated you left the fighting in college.  You are too old to be fighting over them 3 letters or because someone touched you in the club!  You to the club, stayed at the club when you saw it was packed and later get upset when someone touch you.  Y'all are too grown for that.  I will not name the two organizations involved whose organizations dominate colors are purple and crimson, but I want yall to know that yall are too old to be fighting in!

I will conclude this article by saying when I was a child I spake as a child, i thought like a child, I reason like a child.  When i became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  The fact that it was a brawl is a problem, but the fact that groups of black men who have finished college cannot find and alternative to fight is a problem.  Finally, "We too old for this!"

funny cuz its true

Im sorry...you're welcome

Words of Wisdom: God Be Lookin’ Out [True Story]

Last Friday night, I had a real life situation happen to me that I feel like was bound to happen. I don't live in the best of neighborhoods.  I was held up at gun point in the alley behind my house, and I reacted the wrong way. I was feeling good, just left the bar and was on my way to get in my nice warm bed with my nice warm girl when two punk ass niggas decided they wanted to mug me. After a motorcycle accident this is the last thing I needed to happen. The dudes stuck a gun in my back demanding that I “empty my pockets” and the first thing that went through my mind is that this wasn’t real and wasn’t actually happening. So I kept walking as though nothing was going on. After I ignored the punk ass for the second time, he had his boy pistol whip me on the sneak and I later found out that my chin got busted and would require stitches. 

Here is where the lessons start.  I turned around infuriated that this was really happening at which point the dude that had the gun in my back raises it to my head and tells me to empty my pockets yet again. Pride is a dangerous thing and it cometh before the fall. Mix that with anger and you become an instant fool. I said to gunman “if you’re gonna do it then shoot me”(dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever done). He wasn’t prepared for this response and neither was I, but the anger had bubbled over and I pushed the second guy and repeated myself to the first guy. They took another swing at me, failed, and ran off getting nothing from me.  I then thought it was a good idea to get a baseball bat and try to find the assailants, but to no avail. God be looking out. I ran into the cops, gave a report and my girl forced me to get stitches I didn’t think I needed. I definitely needed them. Thank you to my girl and like I said, God be Looking out.

Being quick to anger is something I have come a long way on, but once it hits it hits. I mean I risked my life for 31 damn dollars. I thank my parents and friends for caring enough to call me a fucking idiot. On Saturday night, my mom finally called me to talk about the situation, took her that long to calm down, and she gave some real words of wisdom.  Here are a few of the points that hit home:

·      God be lookin’ out.

·      If you have a reason for niggas to rob you, then you’re doing ok.  Keep your head up and continue to prosper.  If they have nothing to lose, remember that you do and act accordingly.

·      Know that someone in the world loves you and way more than you can comprehend or realize.

·      Know that your life has meaning to you, but could have more significant meaning to someone else.  Ever notice in movies how the hero is willing to put himself in harms way, but will crumple when they involve a loved one? Think about what your actions will do to those you care about. I didn't take this into consideration.

·      Don’t be a prideful asshole.  Nothing wrong with taking an "L" if the situation is one in which an "L" should be taken. No one (with any common sense) will look down on you for bowing out and being a “bitch” with a gun to your head. I didn't think about this.

·      Don’t feel the need to do EVERYTHING in life. Sit back and think about all that you have accomplished in your life. You’ve probably done more and accomplished more than your parents before age 30. Be thankful you were blessed with intelligence. I mean you read this blog, so you have to exude some level of smarts.

·      If you’re being mugged they really only want the cash. Offer that and ask that you can keep your ID’s and credit cards. You will just cancel them if they take them too.

·      Alcohol is commonly called “liquid courage”, but courage can be mistaken for “dumbassness”

·      Surround yourself with people who care about you.  Wasting time on those who don’t care about you is plain ol’ dumb.

·      God be lookin’ out.

In conclusion, I thank God every morning for waking me up, and thank him for giving me the gifts and life he has given me. I wanted to take this chance to apologize to those I let down. I appreciate my family and friends. I appreciate the 5ivebruhs for their support. Appreciate those in your life, you never know what could happen or when. It can all be over so quick.

#LHHATL

Love & HipHop Atlanta…or better known on black twitter as #LHHATL

I love this show.

People who know me may find this surprising. Let me explain something to you: I love foolishness. Nothing makes me happier than seeing people spaz out and want to fight each other. If you enjoy foolishness, this is the show for you. It’s a homogenized version of worldstar…or as I call it (WORLDSTAR!!!)  I’ve waited a few weeks before I decided to give my two cents on the show; so if you are going to watch the show, or missed yesterday’s episode, do not read this post (SPOILER ALERT!)...I left out Benzino and Ariane because they do not matter.

Drew/Traci – of all the women on the show, I hate dislike her the most (the only woman I hate is Sallie Mae). They ended their relationship seven years ago, and she has clearly not moved on. She at his house, spazzing out on him for having another woman (a much better looking woman) over, crying, and they’ve been done for seven years. They have a child together. I can understand if he had another woman over and the child was there, but the kid wasn’t there, and she’s going off. She can’t even have a conversation with him without bringing up something from seven years ago, YET she still wants him around, and is clearly still interested in him (she reminds me of too many  women I know. I guess the dislike for her is personal)…she’s a mess. She gave him 25k (matching his 25k) to open a sneaker store. Then got mad when the dude tried to hire cute girls. Calling them “groupie hoes”.... Having said all of this, I was on Drew’s side until he gave his “business partner” 50k and never signed a contract beforehand. That’s just fucking stupid. And what’s worse is he had to go to his ex, that emotional ho, and explain to her that he lost the money, and he didn’t even get a chance to beat dude up….all this over a sneaker shop. I’m done with them. Regardless of whether they get the money back or not, I’m done with them.

Mimi – she is the most talking loud, not doing nothing-est person on the show. 1^st of all, who walks into their ex’s home, and decides to take a nap because it’s late at night, then gets mad when he’s sleeping with someone else. I understand they have a child together, but you can’t be upset if you both agree to move on, and get mad when he does. Then she decides, we’re going to try and make the relationship work, and I’m going to move in….that fails…. To make this short, this season she’s been slapped with a garden of flowers, called a “dumbass bitch, maid ass bitch” in her own home, and she’s dating a man her friends think is gay. She’s losing every episode….what’s worst is when I found out that her name is Oluremi. Then her behavior made sense.

K. Michelle – regardless of what you think about her, she’s quick to hit. If you get in an argument with this woman, it needs to be in a room with nothing around….cuz anything from bouquets to candles are getting thrown. I can’t really hate on anything she’s done this season. It’s not her fault that she can keep talking shit around her friends, and no one called her out on it except Rasheeda. Everyone else just tolerates it and just pushes it aside….one thing I will say, she has the worst boob job I’ve ever seen on a black woman. It looks like two big ass speed bumps in the middle of her chest. Hard and spacious. Her ass job is standard slut booger variety. Meaning, no one is second guessing whether it’s real, and she’ll always take the time to tell you “IT’S REAL, CUZ I PAID FOR IT.”….let em know © heisman boyz

Che’ Mack – I stepped away during a commercial to get something to eat. I come back and Stevie J is in the studio with someone new. They hadn’t showed a backshot of her and I was like….cot-dayummm….who. is. this?...her ass is righteous. perfect shape. like a crescent moon...and then they showed her face, and all of that interest went away. “It must be your ass, cuz it ain’t face”….wise words from the prophet Nelly of the St. Lunatics….that being said, I like Che’. She’s cool. She just needs to fix her teeth. Even though her tattoos look like shit, she gets a pass because I like women with a lot of tattoos. A lot of tattoos. It’s a turn-on for me….she just needs to lay off the liquor.

Karlie Redd – she’s making a K. Michelle diss track, and she's poppin in Utah. Smh.

Shay/Erica/Scrappy/Momma Dee – Scrappy is…..man, where do I start. Bullet points will make this easier

•           You can’t be a playa and have your fiancé (Erica) fighting your mother (Momma Dee). Nothing about that is cool or healthy. It’s a relationship doomed for failure because you are staying together out of spite against your mother. It’s foolish.
•           You can’t expect your engagement to be successful if you propose to your fiancé after sleeping with your side chick (Shay) a week earlier.
•           You can’t treat a side chick like she is #1. Because she is going to be a scorned woman. And a scorned woman will always want to know why things didn’t work out, and hold it over your head. If she’s on the side, she isn’t a friend with benefits. She is a side. There is a difference. He was confiding in her like their friendship was before the sex. Once they started hooking up, you either gotta be with her, or just tell her “you on the side, play your role”. I remember the first time I heard that piece of information. I thought it was genius, but I didn’t think men would speak to women like that…and then I learned from Patrice O’Neal junior year in college, and that shit works. I miss Patrice (RIP). Side chicks will always have a choice, but no one can fault you for putting it out there the way you want the arrangement to work. Scrappy lifting all these weights and making all these gangsta records, and threating to “put the paws on someone” but stay getting caught up in some sucker shit.

Joseline/Stevie J – let me just say, Stevie J made some of my favorite songs in life (Honey, You’re Nobody Til Somebody Kills You, and the Only You Remix to name a few)…so I will never say that he’s not talented. However, when was the last time this dude put out a song that was good. We can’t go back to 1997. Joseline has been waiting on this album for a minute and it just ain’t coming. Not only that, but it would be wack…He’s another dude who keeps doing sucker shit. He’s running around Atlanta trying to control Joseline and set her straight. All he needs to do is get her a Burlington Coat Factory jumpsuit, or buy her something shiny, and she’ll do what you tell her to do…I respect Joseline. She realizes that she is black twitter famous, and she’s doing what she can to capitalize on that. And she has provided me with the funniest one liners on the show… Plus, out of everyone on the show, she seems to be the only one working. Trying to make things happen. Her and K.Michelle.....Stevie J, control your ho.

Rasheeda/Kirk – this storyline is so goofy I don’t know whether to believe it, or think Kirk has lost his mind. They have been together for over ten years. Kirk has a gang of outside children from his previous relationships. She is pregnant. He’s stressing about having to pay and raise another child because things are financially tight…understandable….here’s where it gets stupid. He blames his wife for getting pregnant (he claims it’s not his fault, because he used the 100% full proof pullout method), he wants her to get an abortion, a blood test, and no longer wants to be married. The fuck? After ten years together, if she gets pregnant, it’s yours. I could understand if he thought she was cheating and he wanted a blood test. But he knows, she’s not cheating, he’s just afraid. And he’s pressuring her to kill the baby….this dude ain’t shit. He’s a bad manager of her career (I mean really…who tells anyone to jump on a diss track to make money)…the sad part about this is she really loves him, and just keeps listening to his bad advice.

Which has been the theme for the show…the blind leading the blind. People giving advice to each other who don’t take their own advice…I just laugh and keep it moving.

Toodles.

Where the Brown People At? Game of Thrones Addition Spoilers

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With the Fifth book out  and the end of the third season on HBO, Game of Thrones (or A Song of Ice and Fire for true nerds out there) has pretty much solidified itself in American culture. With that said, I know all you Blerds (black and brown nerds) are wondering, “Where all the Black/Brown people at?” Well their there, you just have to look for them. Westeros is essentially Britain with parts of southern Spain thrown into the mix (you have to wait till they get to the Martell’s which is kind of a desert people.)But the rest of the world is surprising brown when you think about it. So here's a compressive look at the Brown people of Game of Thrones

Where they at?

http://www.sermountaingoat.co.uk/map/versions/speculative_map.jpg

To find brown people in A Song of Ice and Fire, you have to move away from Westeros and go south. Really far south. There’s an Island were all African described folks seem to come from called the Summer Isles (think the Caribbean.) To the east you kind of have Asian people in an area called the Jade Sea. Then The Dorthraki are in the East as well and they’re brownish though hard to put a finger on what. Lastly Slaver Bay seems to be made up of Middle Eastern, which is problematic for a number of reasons.

The Show

These are characters that are played by Brown actors, actors who consider themselves brown, or non-WASP looking people along with the breathing status of said character.

Grey Worm- Balless but Alive.

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An Unsullied who was purchased by Daenerys, who later becomes the voice of the Unsullied and her major advisor. Grey Worm’s races was never specified in the books, but in the show he’s played Jacob Anderson, a light skin British brother whose got a wicked spear game (pause). He speaks in monosyllabic sentences and tends to brood a lot. But if you had someone chop off your nuts you wouldn’t look so pleased either.

Salladhor Saan-  Alive but looking for better Lighting.

http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120320163961/gameofthrones/images/a/a5/Salladhor.png

Prince of the Narrow Sea, Saan is a pirate-lord and mercenary. Because of his friendship to Davos Seaworth, he fought with Stanis Bratheron in the Battle of Black Water. After losing he left, to go do pirate things. Technically being from Lys (one of the islands of Braavos, which...man read the book) Salladhor is not black, but the Zimbabwean actor Lucian Msamati plays him. Msamati is a pretty interesting guy having founded a theater group and is a playwright and director. See, the more you know. 

Missandei-  Bathing the Khalessi, and explaining obvious plot points

http://i.imgur.com/TAAINe3.jpg

We at 5ivebruhs have dubbed her sexy translator chick, which is kind of unfair. Missandei is a Naathi (one of the Summer Isles) slave who is freed by Daenerys and becomes her translator in Slavers Bay.  In the book she becomes one of Daenerys’ many lovers, though the show only hints at it. Missandei is played by the oh so attractive Nathalie Emmanuel, a British soap star. The shows have kind of regulated her to filling in the gaps that would usually given to us by George R. R. Martin’s prose. Here’s hoping she gets a little more interesting.

Xaro Xhoan Daxos-  Locked in a Safe

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30500000/got-game-of-thrones-30586766-500-243.gif

Powerful merchant prince of Qarth, and overall douche bag, he’s the first black guy to try to play the game only to get royally fucked up.  By being a dick he got his men killed, and he locked in a vault for all time. Shakespearean actor, Nonso Anozie, whose master of the English Language didn’t exactly help him when he got his ass beat, played him.

Talisa Maegyr-  Knife in the Belly

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Healer from Volantis, (one of the islands of Braavos) and the reason Robb lost his head.  Talisa is played by Spanish actress Oona Chaplin, who is the grand daughter of Charlie Chaplin and the great grand daughter of Eugene O’Neil (every theater nerd reading this blog just had a nerdgasm…so one.). Even though Braavos are Olive tone people, Oona considers herself “non-white” which puts her on our team. Take that college application race checklist.

Khal Drogo-  Suffocated

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I’m starting to notice a pattern. Deanery’s’ crew is starting to look like the rainbow coalition. Khal Drogo was the chieftain of the Dothraki tribe that Deanery’s’ gets sold to. At first he’s kind of a dick, but later grows to love her (granted she’s like 14 in the book and he’s 30 but I mean age ain't nothing but a number.) He dies by some witch whose village he burns down and because Deanery’s is a big old softy at that point. Native Hawaiian/American Indian actor Jason Momoa played Khal Drogo.

Rakharo: Headless in a Desert, Kovarro: I mean who even remembers this guy, Aggo: Some Extra who got lucky

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http://oyster.ignimgs.com/mediawiki/apis.ign.com/game-of-thrones/d/d0/Kovarro.jpg

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120402065824/gameofthrones/images/5/52/Aggo.jpg

The Bloodriders of the Khalessi. Rakharro is played by Asian/British actor Elyes Gabel, Kovarro is played Steven Cole who is very clearly a brother, and Aggo was some random extra but because he’s Dothraki I’ll lump him in.

Shae:  Washing Sansa’s bed sheets

http://awoiaf.westeros.org/images/thumb/3/3d/Shae_HBO.jpg/300px-Shae_HBO.jpg

Tyrion’s girlfriend, or that woman with that weird accent if your American, Shae is a prostitute that is one of the few people who actually likes Tyrion Lanister besides his fans. She’s played by Sibel Kekilli, whose a Turkish German Muslim former pornstar turned award-winning political actress who fights for rights of Islamic women (brain just exploded). 

Random Slavers/Unsullied/Mercenaries: Running around looking scared, glowering as their slaves are taken away, or standing at painful attention hoping not to fuck the shot up.

As Daenerys goofs off around slaver bay she runs into an assortment of Brown faces that she either chops off their heads, burns, or frees from the bonds of slavery (there is no middle ground for this woman.) Luckily or unluckily these Brown or Olive people have been cast as tan looking extras. Also based on the one shot of the entire Unsullied army, it looked like the Patriots football line up, so we can assume there's brown people fighting off camera whenever some person runs into frame and regales us with a stunning battle monologue that we will never see due to budget restrictions.

The Books: These characters were not included in the show. Which isn't a shame because they are pretty terrible written.

Jalabhar Xho

http://awoiaf.westeros.org/images/thumb/e/ec/Jalabhar_Xho.jpg/250px-Jalabhar_Xho.jpg

An Exiled prince from the Summer Islands, he kind of hangs around Kings Landing hoping for an army to one-day take back his lands. He usually just attends Tourney’s and flirts with Margery.

Alayaya and Chataya

Before I wrote this I didn't realize at least one of them gets a cameo. This is a shot of a random extra whom we assume is Alayaya or her mother Chataya. Because the show doesn't specify, I'm going to keep them here.  Hoes that work for Tyrion and Varys. Alayaya is tortured because she ends up taking the fall for Shae. Her part has been replaced by a white character who Joffery shoots full of arrows in the show.

Balaq

http://awoiaf.westeros.org/images/thumb/c/c8/Balaq_TheMico.jpg/250px-Balaq_TheMico.jpg

A sellsword. Has white hair and rocks a shit ton of gold rings like a Run-DMC reject.

Bill Bone

http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/ffg_content/agotlcg/news/beyond-the-narrow-sea/a-roll-of-the-dice/old-bill-bone.png

Old ass sellsword.

Moqorro

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A red priest (like that chick who gives birth to shadow monsters.) He’s currently looking for Daenerys but its unclear for what. He’s a wild card at this point in the book and is quickly becoming a major plot point. So we may have another Black actor join the ranks in another three years. Describe as 6'2 with Black skin, with red tattoos across his face. So Idris Elba? Like all red priest he knows more then he’s telling the readers, but seems to have his own agenda. There isn't a google group for followers of R'holl, because none of them have any idea what the other is doing.