NFL: Not For Losers

Stafford

Winning. This dude just signed a mega deal with the Lions and he doesn’t even win  that much. I had this dude in 2 fantasy leagues last year. Needless to say, those were my two worst teams. He’s a decent quarterback with a strong arm and has the most dominating player at any position in Calvin Johnson. This is not to say that Calvin is the best player in the league, but realistically, no one physically matches up with him at the corner position. Even with Stafford’s average play, his numbers are still great. Stafford signed a 3-year extension with $53 million in new money and $43 million is guaranteed. Holy shit. If I could get paid in the upper quartile of financial analysts in the government for average production I would take it too. With the new contract expect to see Stafford’s efficiency increase because he will be more relaxed, but also his 700+ drop backs this season has got to go down.  This dude is winning, although they can’t really expect him to win it all. I mean the team had zero wins in 2008. YIKES. He’s expected to get them to .500. Stafford is 17-28 as a starter and 1-22 versus teams that finish with a winning record (ESPN.COM). YIKES.  But that $43 million is in the bag. Shouts to my little brother, the only Lions fan I know to exist. Homeboy is dedicated but a lost soul just the same. Enjoy Stafford and no chance to win the championship. Let’s do it Eli!

Hernandez

Losing. And losing bad. If you don’t know about the retarded thug, you should. Homeboy pretty much is about to be condemned to a life of “coulda-been” after spending time in jail.  Turns out his boy, Ernest (Ha!) Wallace, told Carlos Ortiz that Aaron told him that he shot Odin Lloyd. Said the bullets came out of MY gun.  (How often is there a case that involves the name of the baby from the Hangover, a scaredwhite dude with a raspy voice that was a staple in our childhood, Aaron, and the ruler of Asgard ?)  This guy is about to lose a life of luxury playing for Belichick.  I hate Belichick but the dude can coach (and cheat).  Hernandez is 23 years old and just threw it away because someone was “chilling” with people he didn’t like. If you want more on the story Google it.  He destroyed his home surveillance, his cell phone and made it so obvious that he effed up. Kill ya self. Not Odin.  This dude was also on my fantasy team and screwed me hard. No lube. Guy gets injured and spends most of the season riding the bench. Waste of a damn pick.  I should have drafted Jason Witten, but the Cowboys hater in me prevented that.  I’m just glad the league didn’t become a keeper league like I petitioned for. Dodged that bullet. Pun intended.