Why Black People Hate Macklemore

I first heard Macklemore while listening to NPR tiny desk concert back in February of this year. He played 3 tracks, Same Love, Thrift Shop, and Hands Up or whatever that track is called. Anyway I heard this guy and thought cool, this kinda bohemian white rapper with this trumpet player that looks like they found him playing on a beach in Jamaica selling coconut water for a dollar to tourists. Oh and they got this fat nigga singing the hook who looks like a cast member from Sister Act 2. I had no idea this dude was about to take over my radio and television for the subsequent half year. This man is a phenom.  He's an underground/internet sensation who is making guap off 3 tracks with no major label. I give him a lot of credit and personally find him to be a decent artist. Not my cup of tea but I get why he's popular. With that said let me continue...

This post is dedicated to the most entertaining combination of social media and pop culture that exists: Black Twitter + Any award show. This is the time when all the blackest funniest rachetest amateur twitter comedians come out to entertain the masses. It also happens to be one of my favorite hobbies. While watching the VMAs I noticed that Macklemore caught some serious (and hilarious) hate from followers. ie one of my followers tweeted "Macklemore is the white guy you date when you realize that you only date black guys" I was trying to figure out why Black People hate Macklemore so much and I think I figured it out.

Lets start this by saying black people are THE HARDEST race to please.  You ever seen Showtime at the Apollo? You better entertain us quick or we will sandman your ass off stage so fast you will wish you never saw a stage in your life. We are HARSH. Not only do we want our cake, we want to eat it obviously BUT it better be our favorite cake with a cold glass of milk.  Oh and dont let us find out that another race got a better cake cuz we'll want that one too.  With that said we are very protective over our music.  We have no problem with other races participating in music we create but you better damn sure make it some music that we like.  A couple years back I wrote a post called 10 White People that Black People Love.  Some notable musicians on the list included Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Eminem, Michael McDonald (lol) I explained why black people love them and the points ring so true to this post that I felt compelled to bring them to the attention of the readers.

 So here is a list of the reasons I came up with.

Why Black People Hate Macklemore.

1. He's white (and rich)

this is sad but true. If your a rapper and white and rich, you've already got some ground to cover before your getting the black vote.

2.  He has no Black cosigners.

If you notice all the white musicians we love have respected Black friends JT got Jay Z.  Eminem has Dre , Robin Thicke has the envy of every Man on his arm in Paula Patton. We respect that and that brings me to the next point.

3. Macklemore dates a white woman.

Now you might be thinking, well he IS White, BUT I guarantee if he showed up to the VMAs with a black woman or at least acknowledged he like Black Chicks he would get more love.

4.  He's got corny music. 

Now this should be at the top of the list since we are discussing music but unfortunately its clear that we Black peopel don't give a shit whether your music sucks...if your Black (2 chains, lil Wayne, Trinidad, etc...)

5. His only black friends look like some really humble fat nigga
 formally of  the Harlem Boys Choir all grown up (Ray Dalton) and that nigga with dreads that hangs out in front the coffee shop reciting original poetry at 12 noon who you're still not sure is homeless or not.  (his trumpet player)

Long story short.  We dont understand Macklemore.  He's "weird" black people dont do weird, and we really dont like different (so sad). We dont know how to pronounce his name and we hope he'll be forgotten before we actually figure out how to say it right.  I'm sorry Macklemore.  We're not jumping on your bandwagon anytime soon. 

Black food? White food?

I've been trying to live a healthier lifestyle, but recently there's been a hankering for soul food in my life. I'm talking the good stuff. Fried chicken, candied yams, collard greens, sweet cornbread, baked mac and cheese...ya know, the works! I want a plate that looks like...

 

Yes LAWD!

After waking Monday morning, pillow swathed in drool from sweet soulful dreams, I realized that I needed to make this happen. What better way to celebrate the March on Washington?  I told my girl that this Friday would be "Soul Food Friday". What's that? Its a fatty's Christmas. Its like the preseason for Thanksgiving. Its what Miley Cyrus's ass desperately needs. It means we will spend the night in, replicating the materials responsible for my large stature. I love food, and I'm giving into the vice on Friday. I recently took the step to move in with my girl, and one of the reasons I was ok with sacrificing my freedom is that she's an excellent cook. I have to hand it to her. The reason Friday is such an ordeal is because she comes from a different culture. She's white and from north of the mason dixie, therefore things are done just a little bit different on her plate. 

I'm not one to ever turn down food. Period. Unless the person's apparent hygiene is less than pleasant. I'm not eating burgers from bums people. But through my openness to eat what's put in front of me, I have noticed a few differences between how typical "white" food and "black" food is constructed. Am I an authority on food? Yes. Do I often cross cultures? Yes. Am I about to generalize about these differences? Absolutely. So now that I've answered your questions and addressed your issues with the following statements, read a few of my conclusions. I'm not saying these are universal, but its how i feel. You can feel free to criticize, agree or not give a damn.

• Black food is meant to touch. When that juice from the sweet potatoes intersects at the corner of mac and cheese and cornbread something magical happens. When I see the collision occur, I GET HYPE! I know THAT bite will be off the chain. My cousin Big Norm has mastered this and creates post-meal cups (judge if you want). This dude has mastered the correct order to stack leftovers into a red solo cup that captures the essence of the entire meal. White food should remain separate. Corn on the cob is good as are strawberries and salad with Italian dressing. But when these are all on the same plate, you want them to remain co-workers. Touching is strictly prohibited.
• Black food is the real reason we get turnt up about family time. We know Gramma is bringing that redskin potato salad, uncle is about to grill them ribs with the Sweet Baby Ray's and auntie is about to put it down on the peach cobbler. We know that there will be more food than you need and all you could want. When a get together is planned, what's the first question amongst black people? "What we eating?" White people are more prone to allow the gathering to be about the achievement or special event. That's great, but that's secondary to food for us. "It's awesome you graduated from college cuzzo, but make sure ya moms whip up that baked ziti, ya dig?"
•  Black food makes you wanna fight. Let someone show up to a black event later than most (CP time- if you gotta ask, just dont). Let the ribs be gone and they only get a burger or hot dog. Guaranteed they gonna be tight. Why? Because that's the real reason they were excited to come. "Man, your birthday don't mean ish if I didn't get a deviled egg or some of Gramma's pasta salad with the crab meat in it! Bet you wont get this gift card I brought." Even if they are a good sport about it, you know they are salty. When I go to white events, I'm just happy to have some type of nourishment. No one has an urge to fight.
• Black people don't believe in over-seasoning and rarely do we measure. I forgot real recipes even existed until I started dating my girl. Add 1/2 cup of this and 1/4 of that. A teaspoon of pepper and 2 tablespoons of seasoned salt. Not how we cook. I'm under the philosophy that most people can learn how to cook if they can follow directions. Soul food comes from... the soul. Not a cookbook. I asked my Gramma for a recipe and part of her instruction included, "...just keep adding that seasoned salt. You know how its supposed to taste boy." I can honestly say I've never seen her use a measuring cup. My girl can follow a recipe like no one's business, but my soul needs to be taken into account from time to time.
• Black people, mainly men, will eat themselves to sadness. Me and my baby brother are notorious for this. One minute we salivating, the next we're grimacing with joy. We are happy as hell when the food is going on our plate and we (well my family at least) will eat until it makes us sad. Pain never felt so good.
• Fruit doesn't belong on the plate with my dinner.
• You can look at a black person and know if they can or can not cook.

  

  You just know she can put it down.

• Oatmeal tastes best out of that big ass cardboard tube thing, not packets.
• Rice is not a black thing to eat at Thanksgiving. Period. 
• Green bean casserole is gross.
• Everything can't be casseroled. 
• Drinking milk with pasta at dinner? How does that even make sense? That will tear your stomach up.
• No one really like chitterlings. I think black people eat them to remain rooted in our culture.
• Cornbread needs sugar.
• Texas Pete and Frank should have been disciples in the Bible.
• Tea is meant to be sweet you bitter jerk.
• Everyone loves chicken. Everyone loves watermelon. Don't ever take offense! (Ask Chappelle)
• Mac and cheese is to be baked. No exceptions.

I mean in America, the word black usually means bad and white usually means good. But when it comes to food, I beg to differ. My Black Friday can't come fast enough. I don't think I'll be able to sleep Thursday night. Its. About. To go. Down.

miley cyrus

if you were like me and missed the live performance of miley cyrus shaking her ass and tossing her baby maker in the air....here it is....in all of its nasty pedo glory. since when have teddy bears been sexy? miley is of age but she looks like a boy, and she looks like an underage boy, and she looks like an underage gay boy who's seen too many twerk team videos and thinks he's a girl....this whole shit is disturbing. she's just a twerkin mess at this point. even rihanna was like "bitch, do better".

this is what chris rock means when he says he's keeping his daughters off the pole. billy ray cyrus....you have some explaining to do. 

also, miley......you have money. just get you some ass implants. it has done wonders for nicki minaj. because what you sittin on right now, isn't turning any heads. put it like this, if she wasn't miley cyrus, and she was walking down the street in her miley gear, no one is turning their head thinking "she's kinda cute"....they'd think "bitch, yo cheeks out"

get it together. 

Whose Going to kill Walt Update (spoilers)

Last week I posted a list on who honestly is going to send Walt to Hades at the end of Season 5 of Breaking Bad. Granted I posted it three days before AMC dropped a bomb shell of an episode last night, and I kinda of have to do some revisions. Last couple of weeks have been rising action, tension building, filler that is trying to catapult us to the final climax of the story. Its all important on the grand scheme of things, but it does feel like chess pieces being moved on the board. I was half watching yesterdays over a friends house, noticed the pattern, and half dismissed the episode, until the final 2 minutes. And man were they a hit to the gut. Last week I posted that in order for Jesse to kill Walt (they got this sudo-father, older brother, best friend, arch enemy thing happening) allot needs to come to come to the surface. And by allot I mean about 2 seasons worth of bullshit Walt did to Jesse and Jesse's friends and family but has remained relatively hidden. Whelp that rickety dam broke, and Jesse found out the pretty much everything. And I mean everything. Last shot is Jesse rampaging through Walt's house pouring gasoline. Jesse finally snapped and he gives no-fucks at this point.

Whose going to kill Walt? After yesterday Walt and Jesse are on a collision course towards each other for a final showdown. I put Jesse as this is the mother fucker whose going to do it, unless Walt gets to him first.

Breaking Bad: Honestly who's going to kill Walt? (Spoilers out the ass)

 

Episode nine had some foreboding shots, with Walt stepping into his dilapidated house and Heisenberg is  spray painted on the walls. And after watching episode 10 recently my thoughts are racing to the inevitable. Walt is going to die. He knows it, AMC knows it, and fuck we all know it. But who's going to be the one? Who's going to pull that fatal trigger that’s finally going to put this tightly whitey wearing, wife-raping, girl friend killing, little kid poisoning, train robbing, evil ass hole in the ground. These are Optimus Negro's personal biases and thoughts and do not represent the rest of 5ivebruhs. I'm sure the rest of them have their own opinions. But I'm probably right.

Skyler

 

Over the last two seasons she has been a train wreck waiting to happen. I would have pegged her as pretty likely to pop Walt until last Sunday when Hank confronted her and she became ride or die. She didn't give up Walt! That's huge, figuring for the last season and half if she had been waiting for him to die a slow and painful death. Now she could be saving her ass. She would go down to if Walt was ever brought to court, but I think Skler still loves Walt. The chances that Skylar will kill Walt now, pretty unlikely. Sigh, white people.

Hank

Man, when Hank figured Walt out, I thought he was going to kill the mother fucker right then and there. I officially became a Hank fan for the first time in 5 seasons. I mean the dude has been pretty dense until two weeks ago. Two of the biggest meth dealers in the country are living within ten miles of you and you know both of them personally.  However, Hank at the end of the day is a cop, and a good one. He wants to bury Walt under the jail. Hank is going to do everything he can try to bust Walt. Hank would really need to crack or Walt needs to try to kill Hank before Hank even thinks about going punisher on Walt. The chance Hank kills Walt, very big maybe.

Jesse- 

Jesse has lost it. Dude’s not sleeping and throwing millions of dollars around Arizona. He’s almost a non-player at this point. Sad thing about Jesse is he’s probably the last good person in Walt’s life. Looking at it symbolically, Jesse is Walt’s conscious. Well right now, he’s a sniveling shell of a thing with a frozen expression on his face. All the death Walt has caused seems to sit right on Jesse’s soul. Jesse is my favorite pick for killing Walt. It would be perfect poetry and validating. Very Shakespearean. But there are some big things that need to happen before Jesse will man up. First Jesse has to get out of Hank’s clutches. Second, Jesse needs to find out everything: the kid poisoning, the death of his girl friend, Mike, everything. Third, Jesse has to really snap. Break out of this sleeping beauty thing, and go HAM. That’s going to be pretty difficult considering he looks like the above most of the time.

A Big maybe, Bitch!

Lyda- 

Oh I hate Lyda. I hate her so much! Lyda is potentially the craziest person on the show at this point. With all her shaking, and crying, and that annoying wobbling voice thing is making some power plays. Remember Mike said that woman was trouble and she’s proving it. Lyda is getting people killed all to keep her international investment going. Everyone, me included, under estimates her at every turn. After watching Episode 10, Lyda is just ruthless enough to try to take out Walt just because he doesn’t do what she wants him to. And she's getting desperate. Desperate meant that 9 people died. Likely.

Todd- 

Second on my most hated list is Todd. The retard that killed that kid who just wave at him. Waved at him! He talks like Forest Gump on mushrooms. He Looks like Captain American and a Hitler Youth had a love child and produced an inbred goof ball. But like Lyda, you can't underestimate Todd. He’s a psychopath. Doesn’t blink at killing anyone. Even makes jokes about it. I would give him a Maybe but only if he gets his…

Crazy Nazi Hit Squad- 

The crew that took out 9 men in jail in two minutes. These guys are ninjas, and brutal, and give no fucks. They need to be paid; so Walt is dead if someone pays them or if nobody pays them and they take it out on Walt. Also the foreboding future scenes seen throughout this season has their stamp on it. Likely.

Some Czech Hit Man- 

This is a long shot but there still could be an unnamed player in this. Walt's been selling to the Czechs all season until he abruptly stops. Eastern European stereotypes are not to be fucked with, and Walt’s been fucking with them. Case in point, Lita’s crazy ass is making power moves trying to get them their product. We still have a couple of episodes left, enough time to introduce some ultimate international assassin. Maybe.

Cancer- 

Walt’s cancers back, and he’s got 6 months to live. But honestly I think it’s a plot device used to increase the stakes of the show. When Walt had Cancer earlier he was desperate, and being desperate made him make rash and bold moves. Now that he has his Cancer again were going to get the same level of desperation that we did earlier in the show. The likely hood Walt is going to make it through these six months is slim. But then again, for Walt to go quietly into the night might be the character’s last big fuck you, and is a perfect way to end the season. Maybe but only if none of the above get him first.

The Ghost of Gus and Zombie Mike- 

Hey maybe Breaking Bad is the prologue to Walking Dead. That would blow your little nerd minds wouldn’t it? Not likely.

College Loans and "The System"

The demographics of the readers of this blog probably varies, but I'm sure most of us have a few things in common. We will all have to pay taxes, we will all die in a blaze of glory, and most of us have student loans. This has become a point of contention between my parents and myself, but I won't go into detail. Jonny Casanova and myself even had a lengthy discussion about the validity of J. Cole as a lyricist as he always seems to mention Sallie Mae. This bitch, and her cousins at other financial institutions, are raking a generation over the coals.

Student loans are a means of control, and the way in which student aide is given is a farce. The control comes in the form of socioeconomic status. The best way to describe this is an American version of the caste system in India. This is how the rich stay rich and the middle class continues to struggle with their "American Dream". The FAFSA bases my level of financial need on my parents income, but at the age of 18 I am considered an adult right? So why is my level of future debt based on people who are soon to have no legal ties or responsibilities to me anymore? Our fate is decided before we even get to college. Debt-free and at liberty to chase our dreams or destined to a life of debt.

I see the system as this. To get a decent paying job, you need a college degree. To get a college degree either your parents pay for it, you get need/merit based scholarships and/or you get loans. Look at these damn facts about loans. If you have to get loans (which over two-thirds of graduates do) you will have to work a job sooner rather than later meaning you might not end up doing what you wanted. Hell, that's if you can even find a job. And, blessed are those whose parents can float them for a while so they can search for a job they want. But once you're educated you have to get a job to pay the loans back, thus your are stuck in the cycle and unless you are able to make moves up the chain, your kids are destined for the same fate.

I am in no way marginalizing the value of an education. I am an education advocate, but I do have qualms with the funding of higher education. I also think that student loans have a negative impact on the economy. The last line in the link to student loan facts supports this statement. If you didn't click it before, you probably won't now, so here's what it says: "In 2011, first-time home buyers, with a median age of 31, fell to the smallest percentage of total home purchasers since 2006. (Source: National Association of Realtors)". As a generation, we can't afford to buy homes. How can we not commit to a great investment for our futures when we have these great jobs and great education? Because student loans and debt equate to at least half a mortgage payment and in some cases it exceeds.

The value of homes is supposed to appreciate while vehicles depreciate as soon as they're taken off the lot. I honestly see education as a depreciating asset. As we progress as a society, my bachelor's degree means less and less. A bachelor's degree is no longer enough to pay for a bachelor's degree. I have to get a master's to live the life I want and get a better job. But damn, I'm still going to be in this cycle. I've often heard that a bachelor's degree is the new high school diploma and a master's is the new bachelor's. I think this is very much the case.

Our home is a piece of paper. I'm a believer that if the government could help to erase national student debt, our economy would flourish. We would purchase homes and take the risk of starting businesses. Our level of misery as a generation would drastically reduce if we had to work a less than ideal job. How depressing is it to work at a job you over qualify for and bust your ass for money that doesn't even belong to you? I've had extensive conversations with friends who do just that. I'm also a victim, even though I've been blessed with a decent position. Lord knows I'm grateful and I count my blessings daily, but I'm miserable nonetheless.

I've probably written about student loans before, but I really do hate them. No other reason to write it now, except for surge of recent anguish and disapproval of this system. Mr. Obama, if you're reading this, help a brother out (we know you love 5ivebruhs). Mr. Obama, if you could help me understand how $200/month in interest alone on student loans is the American Dream, I would be most grateful. If you could make my loans disappear, I won't tell a soul. Scouts honor. If I had the money I invested in college to invest in my own business, I think my chance to succeed would be work taking the risk. But since I don't, I'll continue to watch my money auto-withdraw from my bank account with much disdain. I'll continue to watch the time frame for becoming a home owner and make lifelong investments get pushed to the right.

Fantasy Football: Running Backs

Running Backs.

If you follow fantasy football, you’ve probably read that running back is scarce this year, and you should draft one as early as possible. While I agree with the draft one early philosophy, I disagree with the position not being deep.

Due to Arian Foster’s health, there is a one man tier of the super elite running back. There is Adrian Peterson….and that’s it. Any guy 2-9 could easily be the second best running back in fantasy. Let’s look at how and why.

1. Adrian Peterson (Vikings): Purple Jesus has no worries about his knee, and neither should you. The best player in the NFL is worthy of the #1 pick. No brainer.
   
2. Doug Martin (Bucs)
3. Ray Rice (Ravens): Here’s the case for Martin vs. Rice: Martin’s in a better offense, with a better offensive line (barring the health of Carl Nicks), younger, and facing a much easier division schedule in the NFC South. The Saints were the worst team against the run in 2012, Falcons were 21^st, Panthers were 14^th. …having said that, Ray Rice has a history of being the best back in fantasy football (2011. Foster was better on a per game basis, Rice had more points overall in standard league scoring). Someone from the group of Martin, Rice, Charles, TRich, Spiller will emerge as the sceond best back in fantasy. Gut feeling. If I had to bet on someone, I’d pick Martin. He has the cleanest bill of health, three down back, great weather situation, and I just think this is his time. He had a great year with Nicks and Davin Joseph out for the year. I’m all in on the Muscle Hamster.
   
4. Arian Foster (Texans): If Foster is playing week 1, he moves into 2^nd place. Without question. As of 8/20/13, he is injured. Hasn’t practiced all training camp. Fantasy drafts are a week or two away. Foster has missed the first two games before in a season, and was still the best back in the league, from a fantasy perspective, on a points per game basis. If you plan on drafting Foster, hedge your bets and take Ben Tate a round or two earlier. With the offensive line in Houston, Tate has top 12 back potential. Tate is the only must have handcuff you need to draft if you’re in 10/12 man leagues.
   
5. CJ Spiller (Bills): Spiller finally has a chance to be the main guy in Buffalo. My only question with him is if he can stay healthy for a season carrying a full workload. But guess what, health is always a question in football. If there’s a guy available, who was getting six yards a carry, and I have the 5^th pick…I’m taking him. Spiller will have a great year.
   
   
   
   
   
6. Marshawn Lynch (Seahawks)
7. Jamaal Charles (Chiefs): Honestly, you can go either way between Spiller, Lynch, and Charles…the deal breaker for Spiller was just a gut call. Lynch vs. Charles comes down to consistency. Which guy gives you the best chance to win on a week-to-week basis? For me, it’s Lynch. I think Charles will have higher highs than Lynch, simply because he’s better in the passing game. Charles will probably end up with more total yards as a result of being used on third downs, and having Alex Smith, aka the Checkdown King, throwing to him. But it’s going to be hard to predict which weeks Charles will show up. Charles will have a great year under Andy Reid, but he has a tendency to put up a lot of single digit weeks. Lynch is in a run-heavy offense and is a lock for 1300 yards and 10 touchdowns, barring health issues. Constant, steady production.
   
8. Trent Richardson (Browns): The baby version of Marshawn Lynch, with better hands. Is ranked lower because he’s in a worse offense, and has a propensity for injury.
   
9. Lesean McCoy (Eagles): The Bryce Brown thing in Philly is real. Brown is getting at least 10 carries a game. If Brown wasn’t there, I’d have McCoy as a #3 back.
   
10. Alfred Morris (Redskins): A lot of his value is tied up in RG3. If RG3 is the guy of old, he moves up the list. At this very moment, RG3 hasn’t practiced, and Shanahan is talking about him being more of a pocket passer. This doesn’t help Morris’ value. If the Redskins eliminate the read option, Morris doesn’t post another 1600 yard season, and he peaks statistically as a rookie. However, Morris can still get touchdowns. Washington has a great offensive line, and will not hesitate to run. Look for him to post numbers of 1200/10.

Theory 1. The Theory of Female Attractiveness

Women unfortunately have been given a bad deal.  In fact its so bad for women that they get lumped into minority status no matter what ethnicity they are.  That's pretty bad.  They keep trying to break that glass ceiling but no matter what we men keep finding ways to thicken and reinforce that damn thing.  Both sexes are to blame for this.  Men have the clear historical and genetic advantage here but every once and awhile a strong woman finds a way to hack that glass ceiling and do some awesome shit.  Let me be clear.  I am all about womens rights.  I am a proponent of the underdog and I want to see whoever can put in the work and capitalize on a window of opportunity.  Ok now that I got all the PC bullshit out of the way.  I have some theories about women that I want to share.  These theories have absolutely no academic value nor are they based on any legitimate research.  These are my ridiculous opinions that I stand beside and would be willing to argue till the death. Here's one.

Theory 1.  The Theory of Female Attractiveness

The theory states that if a woman wants any hope of continuing to be attractive into their 30s must NOT hit the peak of their attractiveness before 23. 23 is the golden age for women.  Most likely they're right after college and still have that naive youthful glow that comes from that fallacy that they are about to single handedly change the world with their degree in public health.  At 23 they have earned their attractiveness.  Maybe she wasn't the hottest freshmen but this played to her advantage.  Her self esteem is fragile still,  she's just now getting attention and barely knows how to deal with it which makes her more endearing.  Yes I guarantee you if she's hot at 23 she'll stay hot in to her 20's and THEN the beauty will begin to fade at around 30 but that just means she's getting ready for her renaissance period and thats 40's milf status.  I tell you if you cant pluck the ugly duckling at 18 and stick with her to 23, 23 is the time to strike.

Now conversely when a woman hits her attractiveness peak before 23, (and celebrities and rich bitches are a variable in this) the potential to disaster increases.  Now what happens is men go crazy for these girls at a time when all they want is attention.  These bitches get worn out quick and by 23 look like 27.  All the fucking and cocaine, beer, and cigarettes have given what would have been a supple lustrous complexion a shiny reddish glaze. Now black women won't get the complexion you can just tell they're worn out by how much time they spend in the club, how many spike studded heels they own, and how many neon dresses are in their closet.  These girls are over compensating for the fact that they're worn out.  They are the thirstiest of the female race and should be for temporary use only.  Trust me.  Seriously, next time you're in the club ask one of those girls what's their favorite NPR  radio show.  This is not to say that you want a nerd chick who listens to NPR, it's for experimental purposes only.  Honestly she'll most likely ignore you wondering why you'd want to have a serious conversation in a club which is totally understandable and exactly my point.

Now the cute 23 year old post grad will have a stronger more focused and endearing personality which comes with its own problems but were not talking personality here.  This 23 year old girl will age like wine and maintain herself as if its her job.  And thus, my theory holds true.  Test it if you don't believe me.

Kendrick's in Control

So I was deep in the writing of an article about student loans (I hate those bitches), but Facebook sparked a new conversation for me. Kendrick Lamar's verse on Control.

About 75% of the way through, Kendrick starts getting extra real about hip hop and where it has gone  since its inception.  I'm not here to say I am the hip-hop guru nor a spokesperson for Kendrick Lamar, the dude speaks well enough for himself, but for those who read this blog I'm going to give you a perspective on this verse that you may not understand.

All over the internet I'm seeing people calling this a diss record on everyone who is hot in the game right now. Saying he's calling them all out. False. He didn't mention bum rappers like 2Chainz or Lil Wayne, but he mentioned rappers who have the potential to help hip hop get back to what it is. An art form. Hip hop originally came about as a way of expression and sending a message to those who listen. It is steeped in political unrest and the struggle of the black community. It has shifted into a money making machine with little or no quality in most of its iterations and is ultimately aiding in rendering our youth as useless.

Kendrick mentions a part about drunken white girls looking for parties. This isn't what hip hop was created for. Granted, no one is saying hip hop shouldn't be used in a party setting, but that's not why it was born. It should be about the challenge of being a great rapper. To go down in history as a Tupac, "The King of New York" like Biggie, Nas, and JayZ should be the ultimate goal. To not be just another nigga making paintings, but to go down as a Rembrandt. The ultimate goal in any art form is expression and to have an impact on your world through your visions. Quite similar to J. Cole's verse on "Let Nas Down" where he said Nas' lyrics on his wall was less words and more pictures.

I'm honestly annoyed with people saying get of Kendrick's dick. To me, its all about in what aspect is one on Kendrick's dick. If you are on his dick because he seems to be dropping the gauntlet and aiming to start a riot among all of those he mentioned in this verse for publicity purposes, please get off his dick. If you are hyping Kendrick up and this is the first thing you have heard from him since "Drank" and you had no idea who he was even before that, please sit down. If you're all giddy just because you hope there is some drama, stop reading this. But if you are excited with the hopes that this could be a turning point in hip hop, continue on. I'm hoping and wishing that those with the talent and notoriety enough to be mentioned in the verse step up to the challenge of being artists. Kendrick is doing what everyone else in the world should do on their job on a daily basis. Aim to be the best to get that promotion and receive the credit you are due, and not just show up to collect a check.

Truth be told, Kendrick's fame is due to the fact that hip-hop has been horrendous over the years minus a few specs of light. Those that write on this blog would often call each and just laugh at the songs on the radio and have to Google how dudes like Gucci Mane became famous. Who the hell saw Waka Flocka and decided his voice needed to be heard? Why is 2Chainz, formally Titi Boi (HA), getting a second chance to be famous with his lack of lyrical content? Because hip hop is at an all-time low and that bullshit sells to all of the idiots who buy and support it. When a co-worker of mine can argue with me and tell me that "Future is here to stay! He makes hits!" and be right about his validity in the game, I have to question my love of hip-hop and exactly what it is.

You can never walk past my desk without hearing music coming from my radio, but if you ask me what song just ended I always draw a blank. Its just noise. They began playing Kendrick's verse and I dropped my pen.Turned my chair towards my radio (which is buried under papers in the corner) and slowly inched up the volume. What I heard gave me a glimmer of hope. The game has been dominated by music that is "TURNT UP" but I always reach out to turn it down and I hope Kendrick can help turn it around. I implore all the readers of this blog to support, request, download and outwardly express your desire for hip hop that has meaning and feeling, because that is the only way real hip hop becomes the norm.  To turn it back into a gladiator sport of warriors lyrically battling to prove who is the best on the corner would make me and real hip hop heads so happy. At least make music the people can relate to, no one I know rocks Tom Ford because I'm broke just like my friends and just like you. We can blame student loans on my blog next Wednesday.

fantasy football

Ladies and gentlemen, my favorite month of the year is August. My birthday is in August (8/16), my mom’s birthday is in August (8/15), and NFL preseason begins when?....in August. With training camps being active, preseason games each week, and constant roster changes for teams, this means fantasy football season is upon us. For diehard fans such as myself, this means mock drafting, trading sleepers with other mock drafters (although everyone knows about everyone now), and discussing roster constructions. With ESPN and Yahoo's new fantasy apps, you are able to now mock and live draft through your phone. Thank you Lord. 

When it comes to my roster, I am generally a believer in waiting on QB, and loading up on roster depth. I'm old school. However, there is something to be said for getting a guy in the right round...also known as VBD (Value Based Drafting). For example, if I’m in a 12 team league and I’m able to draft Tom Brady in the 5th round, which is where he’s going in most mock drafts, I’m taking him. 

In a new series, I will break down my top 10 players at the core positions (QB, RB, WR, TE) based on standard scoring, 12 team formats. In the first of four installments this month, we will start with Quarterbacks.

1. Drew Brees (Saints): Sean Payton’s back. Jimmy Graham’s 100%. And in the last two years, Brees has thrown for 10,653 yards. Granted, he’s also thrown 33 INT’s, but when he is also giving you 89 TD’s, some things you just have to let slide.
2. Aaron Rodgers (Packers): Would have been the #1 QB, but with a banged up Jordy Nelson and subpar offensive line, I had to be super nitpicky. Rodgers is still a stud.
3. Peyton Manning (Broncos): I’m torn on Peyton. One on hand, this Broncos team (Thomas, Decker, Ball, and Welker) represents the most offensive weapons Peyton’s had since the 2004 Colts. On the other hand, his offensive line is in shambles. All-Pro LT Ryan Clady has a shoulder injury, starting C Dan Koppen has an ACL tear, and Peyton is coming off multiple neck surgeries. In the end, you have to trust Peyton to be Peyton. If last season taught us anything regarding Peyton, it’s that you never bet against his talent. Third best QB, easily.
4. Tom Brady (Patriots): For all of the talk about the Patriots not having weapons (Hernandez, Lloyd, and possibly Gronk), people forget that Tom Brady is still motherfreaking Tom Brady. You, Me, and three drunks in a bar could spend a month with Brady, be up to speed on the offense, and he’d still have 4,800 yards and 35 TD’s. Don’t believe the hype.
5. Cam Newton (Panthers): I live in Charlotte. I know, once again, he’s going to go a few rounds too early, just based on hometown hype. While he does have infinite upset, he’s just not consistent on a weekly basis to be in the upper tier, which once again is nitpicky. He’s not an accurate passer, and has a propensity to through the ball away in the red zone, which is a big no-no. Having said that, if you’re able to get Cam Newton in the 5^th round of your league, you’re probably going to win your league.
   
   
   
   
   
6. Matt Ryan (Falcons): It was really close between Kaepernick and Ryan, and the tie breaker was simply this: Matt Ryan has Roddy White, Julio Jones, Tony Gonzalez and Steven Jackson to throw the ball to…while playing eight games a year in a dome...and facing the horrific Saints and Panthers secondary’s twice a year. Case Closed.
7. Colin Kaepernick (49ers): a smaller version of Cam Newton in terms of skill set, but much more accurate a passer. Is ranked this low because Crabtree is out. I like the potential of Vernon Davis but real fantasy owners know that he hasn’t performed up to his playoff status the last two years. I am on the Davis bandwagon this year as Kaep’s #1 threat, and I also think SF has the best offensive line in football. Having said that, someone will reach for him a few rounds too early based on the ESPN Body Issue or him being in the Super Bowl…and this is when you are able to draft this next guy.....
8. Russell Wilson (Seahawks): Russell Wilson’s rookie year is a tale of two halves. The first half consists of him having training wheels on while learning the offense on a run heavy team. The 2^nd half consists of him having full offensive control, and destroying defensive schemes down the stretch. Which half do you believe? I believe the 2^nd half. The half that showed him destroy Chicago, Buffalo, SF, and carry it into the playoffs against Atlanta, on the road.
9. Matthew Stafford (Lions): They throw a million times a game and he has Megatron. And Reggie Bush. 8 games a year in a dome. Look for the TD’s to increase to at least 30, minimum, while the 5,000 yards are intact. It’s fluky for him to only have 20 TD’s while putting up close to 5,000 yards. Megatron is not getting stopped at the one yard line, 4 times, like last year. Trust.
   
10. Tony Romo: If Romo could just stop doing Romo shit, he’d be up there with Matt Ryan. Instead he’s a guy who has a great stat line come December, but on a week to week basis, he’s never winning you a week….. and will single handedly kill you two weeks out of the year from him doing Romo shit. But I do think the hate has gone too far on Romo. For where he is being drafted in mock drafts (late 7th, early 8^th round), he is a great value. With the right roster depth, you could easily win your league with Tony Romo has your QB. However, if we find out between now and the start of the season that RG3 is playing week 1 and is fully healthy, Romo is being bumped from this list.
    
    
    On Friday: Running Back Rankings.

Reuters/Ipsos Poll: How my life would have changed if I didn't know white people.

A recent poll showed that Americans are increasingly segregating themselves. My generation in particular more and more is finding to only have friends with in their own racial group.  I’ve been privilege to grow up in a middle class wonderland in Central Maryland, in a little town outside of Baltimore. Through out my High School career I had a number of friends from a range of different cultures. What ends up happening when you live in the suburbs is periodically you get bored, and periodically you get stoned with said kids. For those who smoke on the blog know, your appreciation for music of all types increases ten fold when you are high. Fortunately, the control of music was passed around us along with the said blunt or bottle of jack. In light of that new poll, I wondered how my life would have changed if I didn’t have any white friends. The most immediate and glaring change would be my iTunes playlist. So, here is a list of bands I would never have appreciated if I didn’t hang out with white people.

1.     Death Cab for Cutie 

2.     Iron and Wine

3.     Led Zeppelin

4.     The Black Keys (Before The El Camino Album)

5.     Sufjian Stevens

6.     The Killers

7.     The Entire Garden State Soundtrack

8.     Radiohead

9.     The Beatles

10. Imogen Heap

From Christian to Agnostic and Back...

Now I grew up in the church. A black charismatic non-denominational church.  People catching the spirit yelling and passing the hell out with the power of God type of church.  As a kid I was always a little skeptical of this activity.  They would try to get me to speak in tongues and shit.  I wasn't having it.  I didn't get it.  I still don't understand it as a religious practice. I guess the spirit never inspired me in that type of way.  No one could give me a straight answer about any of the more outlandish things I was seeing.  This bothered me.  In my mid teens I started seeing the church fall apart.   I watched as membership declined into my later teen years and my friends who I grew up with stopped going.  Eventually my family would stop going to church altogether.  It went from one of the most important things and almost defining my family life to not being important at all.  We continued to pray and call ourselves Christians and so I figured I was cool afterlife wise.  I would go to college and act a fool (as most of us do) but continue to keep my faith. After moving out on my own I didn't see the value of church and began to question God's role in my life.  I stopped praying and had a generally apathetic attitude toward faith.  I remember trying to make up my own little sect of Christianity so it worked for me.  I used to call myself a Christian Transcendentalist, what a fucking idiot I was. I might have even called myself agnostic at a certain point. For those of you unclear about agnosticism its the idea that the truth about the existence of a God is unknowable. A logical option I suppose.

 Today, I consider myself a Christian man.  As a grown person who has seen all walks of life, and learned more about myself I am infinitely more comfortable and confident in my faith. I try to follow closely the tenets of the religion and it is an integral part of my life.  I try my best each day to follow the teachings of Christ and believe that a life walking by faith is the only fulfilling way to live for me.

With that said I am FAR from an angel.  But I am not convinced that God wants me to be.  I think this is where I and other Christians don't jive.  Most practicing Christians I know LITERALLY try to put God FIRST in their lives as in thats all they talk about, they got gospel music blasting out of there car non stop. They retweet Bible verses all day etc.  Honestly you can have that.  Thats not for me.  I love Jesus and my religion but sometimes people get so caught up in "spiritual" things that they are of no use here on Earth with the rest of us. I think that Christianity is more than just a lifestyle change and a moment to moment public proclamation of faith.  I think God understands that sometimes no matter how hard we try to do right that we're going to mess up.  I'm not sure that Christianity means that we need to be perfect or even strive for perfection or were going to hell.  I choose not to think that Gods central role in my life is to keep me in line but more to be a loving and helpful guide on this hard bumpy ass rode in life.

I see the Bible not as this book of judgement but as an awesome chronicle of Gods relationship with man since the beginning of time.  Reading the Bible as an adult I see these characters as REAL people with REAL problems trying their best to live the right kind of life and we are to use them as references in the context of our lives.  As you read on you see them slip and fall and breakdown and fail and triumph but the overall theme is that God was with them the whole time, through the successes and failures and loss of faith.  God never leaves and as long as you're alive you can come back no matter what you've done.  All he asks is that you trust him.  It's with that mentality that I like to live my life.  Not as if there is this jealous deity that is over my shoulder judging my every move but as a fallible man who is doing his best to be the best man I can be with a friend thats there to help when I get to the point where things get hard.

So now. I have a message to the (more zealous) agnostics and the atheists who have a skewed view of the stereotypical Christian

1. Stop making fun of all us Christians.  Were not all brainwashed lunatics.  And for a group that claims to be so accepting and progressive you sure are demeaning to people of faith.  Take a look in the mirror.

2.  Religion is not "the source of all evil in the world" It's probably more man's inherent fallibility if we're going to think logically about it.

3.  I don't believe homosexuality is a sin.

4.  I don't believe that the religious beliefs of men have any place in creating our laws.

5.  I'm still going to drink and curse if I want and no I don't think God will strike me down for it.

And now.  To the (more zealous) Christians out there...

1. Pull the Bible out of your ass and live a little.

2.  Stop bringing Jesus in every damn conversation.

3.  Be more accepting of people different than you...Jesus had mad whores and thieves as homies

4. Don't let God make you boring and don't let God be your excuse for being boring.

5. Oh and lets admit that Jesus wasn't white not just in the historical text but in the media portrayals. Its 2013 lets get real.

Riled Up Riley and the N-word

Bob George stole my Breaking Bad thunder (I'm not salty at all) so I'm forced to write about the next thing that popped to mind. You probably know this story by now. (Its about a week old, but I don't get to post until Wednesday)  If you don't, I'll give you a quick recap. Riley Thomas Cooper of the Philadelphia Eagles said the n-word and was caught on tape. He threatened to beat up "all the niggers" on the other side of a fence while intoxicated at a Kenny Chesney concert. Don't piss off a white person with a stadium full of white people behind him.

Honestly, I could give a damn about Riley. I'm a Giants fan and I honestly think about 98% of adult white people have used the n-word during their lifetime outside of reading Huck Finn. Black people know how awkward it was to read that book aloud in English class. I'm also convinced that another 65% of adult white people use the word on at least a weekly basis. Whether these are the sheet-hood wearing KKK whites, "I got two black friends" having whites or drunken whites belting out the words to some Lil Wayne song they all use the n-word. White people love Lil Wayne.

Going to a predominately white school, where I would oft overhear non-black people using the n-word, I'm now immune to getting riled up over it. I still cringe like no other when I hear it and have the urge to flip, but I restrain. In my opinion, you know whether or not you should be saying it. If you choose to do it, then that's on you. I'm beyond getting pissed. If you don't respect me and my blackness enough to not say it in front of me, then I don't respect you enough to care about anything you say. If I overhear you saying it when you thought you were alone, I'll let it go as if I accidentally caught you masturbating. Sometimes you just can't fight the urge. What you do on your own time is on you, but damn be smart about it.

None of us can say we're not guilty of saying inappropriate things about people out of their earshot. Whether that's about the fat lady at the buffet with three plates, the little boy with the piss stained pants or the homeless man who smells like the fat lady and pissy boy together covered in poop. We've all whispered to our friends about these people. I can't front as I probably do it more than most.

That being said, Riley was caught on tape. He effed up. He said he was sorry. And he should pay the piper.  He received some light sanctioning and a "high-dollar" fine from the Eagles. Roger Goodell took a punk stance on it and said that since the club fined him, the NFL won't. Roger Goodell is as close to a slave owner as any American and let one of the house negroes get away with some foolishness by standing behind some policy. Weak.

Riley Cooper really just needs to be forgiven by his teammates. They are the only people who really need to respect him. 51 out of 80 people on the roster are black so no doubt he's aware of the severity. He knows he messed up but he won't be cut. He's slotted to be the no.2 receiver this year, they need him more than they need to be moral at this point. It sucks but its the truth. The Eagles suck. The NFL should sanction him somehow but won't. Most of his teammates said they've forgiven him, so why shouldn't we? I mean there's a bounty on his head now. How dumb can you be if your job consists heavily of getting hit by some of the most athletic black men on the planet? I think he's going to catch the business end of a lot of hits this season. The other 31 teams might not be as forgiving. Ya'll should pray for this Riley Thomas for many reasons. Tim Tebow is.

breaking bad

breaking bad is in 5 days.

you need to understand that whatever you thought was important in your life on 8/11 is irrelevant. the 2^nd best show in television history (the wire is king) begins its series finale. this post is for people who watch the show. if you do not watch the show, go to netflix and run through the first five seasons. (seriously, what the fuck ya'll been doing (c) pusha t) tons of spoilers coming. here are my quick theories on how the show ends.

first off, hank remembers that his previous boss was fired for not knowing that gus fring was a drug kingpin. his last story to hank and gomez was him having gus over for sea bass…all the while, gus was living two separate lives. that moment stuck with hank. so when hank realizes that that “w.w” is walter white, while remembering the previous moment were they read gale’s walt whitman book, hank knows he could lose his job for not knowing walt’s real occupation. it was right under Hank’s nose the entire time; he almost died because of walt. hank is going to corner walt and kill him. then he’s going to kill skylar... they both got their hands dirty full of blue meth, they gotta catch the llama. hank uses their bodies in the next fire accident in albuquerque. hank takes care of walter jr. and holly, and makes them believe their mother and father died in a fire. he never tells a soul about their real death.

OR

jesse goes to walt’s house once hank starts investigating the decrease in blue meth production in albuquerque. jesse sees the lilly of the valley plant in walt’s backyard near the pool and realizes walt was the person who poisoned brock, which was his first suspicion. instead of immediately confronting walt, he waits until hank begins to close in on the investigation. jesse remembers mike’s words stating “if you had any brains, you’d realize walt is a timebomb. you’ll take your money and leave town.” at this time, jesse and todd kill walt. dip him in the acid, and flee the country.

to be honest, both of those are really shitty theories. i have no idea what’s going to happen in the show, and that’s the beauty of it. unlike the wire which was a collective of characters, you know the final straw is going to have to be resolved with walt either dying from his own relative (hank or skylar) or from his closest associate (jesse). either way, walt is going to die. the beauty in the show isn’t in the end result; it’s in the journey along the way. the writing doesn’t cut corners, and explains each step along the way of how and why walt and jesse struggled/prospered, and what makes their relationship tick. for the record, optimus negro could do a much better job of explaining this than me. 

for example, jesse was a junkie fuckup the first three seasons. season four, between his scholastic training from walt, and his hitman training from mike, jesse is a vital part of the operation. when walt and jesse are preparing to rob the train of the methylamine, jesse explains how it’s able to work based on the weights of the train and liquid and other science jargon. in season one, jesse didn’t give a fuck about science. now he’s robbing trains and using magnets to stay in the game. walt taught him. they had each other’s back through tuco, gus,  crazy eight, mike….they have the weirdest relationship, and they’ve seen some shit. i can’t wait. 

Pacific Rim is Out, now what: Anime suggestions for Black Nerds

Pacific Rim is out. While it didn’t really do that well at the block office, those few nerds who saw it were greatest with the best live action anime since…well since ever. So if your anime thirst has not been quenched here is a list of anime every Blerd (black nerd) would love, in no particular order.

10. Full Metal Alchemist/ Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

In order to create something you need something in exchange. This simple concept became the bases of the amazing adventure of two brothers seeking to save their souls and return their lives to the way it was. Touching, heart breaking, funny, and deeply disturbing. The fights are off the chain as well, all revolving around martial arts and the ability to manipulate matter.

9. Dragon Ball Z/GT

You can’t call yourself a nerd if you don’t know about DBZ and GT. Not going into a synopsis of this, but the DB series and its hyper masculinity coincides directly with hip-hops own sensibilities. We minorities love DB.

8. Neon-genesis  Evangelion

This trippy as shit series about children fighting giant Aliens in giant mechs might fly under the radar, but I guarantee every Blerd would love this series. Don’t watch it expecting to have closure at the end. The final moments of the series would have you scratching your head for years to come.

7. The Boondocks

I’m the ballot in the box, the bullet in the gun. Yep the Boondocks, best example of black people in Anime, and also one of the flagships shows that launched the post-blackness debate. The chronicles of the Freeman family say more about blackness, masculinity, and being an American then BET in its entire history.

6. Afro Samurai

Samuel L Jackson, steam punk, samurai, and boobies. What more do you need?

5. Samurai Champloo

Manglobe (possibly one of the best Anime design teams in history)’s take on hip-hop is a fictional period piece following two Samurai’s and their quest to protect this teenage girl. Sometimes looking like a Kwiroswa movie, sometimes like music video, sometimes like a Tarintino, very striking and unique.

4. Ghost in the Shell

In the late 80s early 90s Anime was at its peak. Ghost in the Shell started off as a manga (Japanese comic) and later developed into a movie. Following a female android cop as she takes of cyber criminals in a futuristic japan. Ghost in the Shell is sexy, dark, violent, and insanely satisfying.

3. X/1999

Another 90s manga turned movie; X/1999 is like DBZ on cocaine. Which is saying allot. The plot is hard to summarize but basically the Gods are at war and have come to Tokyo to fight to the death. Each God has different abilities and well you know where this is going. Violent as shit and deeply depressing its still worth a read if you’re a Blerd.

2. Akira

Truly a shame that this isn’t more in our cultural vocabulary. There is something about Anime and teenage kids dealing with tragedy that is so appealing. Basically a biker gang leader’s best friend is captured by the government and given fucked up telepathic powers. The result is an epic showdown in the slums of a post apocalyptic Tokyo.

1.     Cowboy Bebop

Manglobe’s take on Jazz. Cowboy Bebop follows space cowboys as the track down criminals, collect bounties, and try to scrap together enough just to eat. Each cowboy of the space ship Bebop has a dark back-story that once unraveled makes them even more appealing.