Hey girl. You know you wanna play with my Jukebox...

So I feel like all of the bruhs on the blog have written an article or two on music. The P!per has not. This article will be about the music of my life. I have been told that I’m very stubborn in my musical tastes, and I say, “I like what I like.” I’m trying to branch out but I’m very determined in my tastes and it takes a special song/album/artist to make me go against this. I recently found out, due to the help of Bob George, that my musical tastes can pretty much be summed up in two words for $6.99. Joe Public.

As a boy, I owned one cassette tape before the age of eleven, at which time I bumped up my repertoire substantially with Uncle Luke’s “Raise the Roof.” I only had the single which had two versions and an instrumental, and I thought that little dance was the shit. Anyway, the cassette I listened to night after night for literally about a year and a half was Joe Public. This album had the smash hit, Live and Learn, which has already been featured on this blog by me. I will break down the three main aspects of this album and how they relate to today’s music, and if you know me, you know this is my bread and butter music. These are dance hits, love music, and conscious rap. Different types of music that fulfill different roles in my life.

Dance hits

Joe Public tracks that relate: I’ve Been Watching, I Gotta Thang, and I Like It

Please notice how all the songs are directed at the listener to self-identify. Simple and effective.

 

Hate them or love them, they have their function. Gucci mane’s retardedness gets him fans. Soulja Boy’s infectiveness to adolescence wanting to be the coolest kids at the party by knowing how to do a choreographed dance for 3 minutes, make him a banger. And my “mature” and “non-following” the trend  behind shakes my ass just as hard as the next nig. I jig wit it and rock wit it. I lean the left and yoooooullll! Why? Cuz I be drunk and having a blast.

These songs usually have an infectious beat and when you hear them you can’t help but to “snap your fingers and rock yo hips.” The lyrics of these songs is all but pointless and only adds to the array of sounds produced from the speakers. Well that’s unless its someone like the New Boyz and they are requiring you to jerk.

Joe Public does this like every other early 90’s group, with electronic and synthesized instruments as well as live ones. Uptempo drums and wild vocals drive home the message: “If you rest yo butt, you get no cut. And without no cutty u bust no nutty.”

Love Music

Joe Public tracks that relate: I Miss You, Touch You, and Look in Your Eyes

Notice how all the songs are directed at the listener to identify a lover. Once again simple, and effective.

I’m a sucker for a good love song. Ask my roommate what I do in the shower. No nigs I’m not homo. I sing. And ask him what I sing, my caucazoidial roommate would attempt to make out the words he often hears. This is Shai’s “If I ever fall in love”. CLASSIC! I only sing the chorus, bc I really can’t sing and the verse is some sick shit with harmony for days. I wouldn’t do it justice. Boyz II Men “End of the Road” is a second favorite, I believe my friend of the caucazoid mountain region even knows this one, everyone does. My favorite R&B artists out right now are Musiq Soulchild and John Legend respectively.

I don’t do female artists. I think they are sexy and can sing their asses off and I admire them deeply.But am I the only nigga who feels weird singing lyrics that are directed toward the affection of a man? I got sick of changing the words “him” to “her” and “he” to “she”. I’m not homophobe but like the Roots say, “It don’t feel right”. Incomplete by Dru Hill? RIDICULOUS! And old school jams? Too many to name, love them all.

Joe Public does this with simplistic lyrics and not too hot vocals, but when you’re seven, you just feel cool with headphones on. These are all songs that you can have sex to. But you don’t “fuck” to these jams baby. Oh no. You “make love” (My next article topic so heads up).

Conscious Rap

Joe Public track that relates: THE ONE AND ONLY, “Live and Learn”

Notice how the message is not hidden. Like with all 90's music, what you see is what you get.

This is by FAR my favorite type of musical indulgence. Conscious rap is second to none with me. If I had a man crush, no homo, it would be on Common. I also love Black Thought (who is actually a better lyricist than Common), Guru, Mos Def, Talib, Rhymefest, De La Soul and the list goes on and on and on. Conscious rap has been a guilt free pleasure for me. I love the music, but I’m no killer or drug dealer,  so I needed something I can relate to and take something away from. I’m not taking away shit from gangster rap, but I can’t condone myself listening to it too much. The first conscious rap song I think I recognized listening to was Common’s "The Light".  My favorite Common joint to this day simply because it introduced and brought me into a whole nother world or music.  I appreciate the song and Common for that. Now while this is a love-rap song or w/e, it did have a deeper meaning in depicting the type of woman to go for and for what reasons. My favorite conscious rap song of all time? Gangstarr’s “Moment of Truth.”

Joe Public was actually my first dose of this genre of music. I had no idea, but the message conveyed in “Live and Learn” was a great one and was probably the only reason I had the album.  Edwina (mom-dukes) wasn’t letting me get no Tupac. Probably why I think that bald headed scallywag is over-rated.  Joe Public gave a concise message and didn't sugar-coat it:

"Here`s a little story about life
Everybody that lives surely dies
A lot of people ask the question why
Some people have to go through so much more
Before they really learn about life`s score
The subject is not to be ignored"

I appreciate that.

I listened to Joe Public every night before I went to bed. I would fall asleep to it every night. But because it was on cassette I think I only ever listened to Side A cuz I passed out. I don’t really remember the second half until I recently reacquainted myself with the glory. I think Side A is embedded in my subconscious, maybe that’s why I’m so stubborn. I wonder if that thing about listening to stuff while sleep makes you memorize it really works.

 

***Sidenote, I actually put time, energy and effort into memorizing the lyrics to Raise the Roof. I could talk really fast as a young’n. I bitched out of performing the song at the family reunion talent show.***

So what album would you say defines or created your musical tastes?

L’Chaim… P!ed P!per

Adventures of a Big Nig

I’m a big nig. Six two and 300+ lbs. I’m more than qualified. And I enjoy being a big nig. Even when people say I’m losing weight I still do not wanna be under 250lbs. While being a big dude people may say that, “Man it must be tough. Finding clothes, food bills and sex life. Man that’s rough…” Negative. I love all of the clothes I have (minus the stuff my mom buys from magz devoted to big dudes like Kingsize. Their clothes are bust and consist mostly of flannel lumberjack type clothing. I like to consider myself non-lumberjack.) My food bills are same as everyone elses, why? Cuz I’m a big dude not a binge eater, yes this exists. And lastly, my sex life is great I like to think.

I’m gonna divulge some secrets about growing up a big dude, and some of it may shock you, but it is what it is. I wanna talk about two extremes, love and hate.

HATE:

Growing up, I always realized I was a bigger dude and a lot of the time I would try to dumb this down. I would do things like make sure my shirt was tucked in a certain way as to not give way to how big I was, or I would try to convince my mom that I wore a smaller size in pants only to be uncomfortable. Also, if you know me, I’m very nimble for a big dude so my pants would rip from time to time if I did some adventurous move in them, like a carwheel. Kids made it rough growing up a big dude. “You so fat you play pool w/ the planets” or “You so fat you jumped in the air and got stuck.” These were some jokes that got me back in the day, why? Cuz I thought them shits were hilarious and still do. But due to this constant ragging on me b/c of my size growing up I feel like I have turned into a proficient shit-talker, and my friends will attest. By about sixth grade, I became the Don of the back of the bus and anyone who thought they could do battle wit me would get the business. I was like biggie, you knew he was big but you couldn’t beat him, even with all the fat jokes. This reign still continues even til this day.

Fighting. Because of my proficient shit talking, a lot of my life I ended up in fights. Everyone hated me cuz of this, except the instigators. If you’re an instigator, I hope you slip in butter and break your ass bone. This is one of my favorite subjects to talk about. Growing up, I LOVED fighting. I used to love to beat a dudes ass AFTER I got him all pissed by talkin bout how I had sex w/ his sister (I was clearly lying as I was 13 years old). But after everyone in the crowd stops listening to your jokes b/c the big nigga is tearing you apart, you decide you’re gonna be his “big slow ass”. On contrary. If you don’t know, big people are strong and I’m surprisingly quick, not to mentioned I started boxing when I 6 and wrestling at 12. Kids would push me and try to get the jump on me. Then we fought. I rarely remember ever getting hit. A lot of kids tried to get out of the fight by saying, “you’re just gonna sit on me” and I would reply “yup, right after I knock you the fuck out.” I actually did one time to a lil white kid named Brent, thought it would be funny, he choked on some sand. I got sent to Mrs. Wagstaff, the principal, she was dope for an old white lady.

LOVE:

The main reason for writing this article is to depict my love of being a big dude. I love the versatility of being a big black dude. I can decide my personality on the spot. If I smile and show my teeth and talk properly, they see me as an anomaly and quickly wanna make me their friend. If I wanna be a “big nig” all I have to do is not smile and press my lips tight, people don’t wanna approach that gorilla in the corner. I didn’t embrace this until my sophomore year in college. I remember having this convo with Jonny Cassanova…

Me: “Yo nigga. I just realized that I’m big”

Jonny: “nigga, you CLEARLY big”

Me: “I know but like I just realized the power it has”

Jonny: “Man, yeah? What do you mean?” (laughing)

Me: “like I can punk people if I want to and get what I want”

Jonny: “yup”

I then began to punk white boys for free beer, just to become friends with them later.

Love life: I know a lot of people say “big people need love too,” and we get it. Girls love hugging big dudes, hell when I said I was gonna write on this topic my friend Katherine said, “I LOVE GIVING YOU HUGS!” (She may have been a little tipsy) Boom, another hug, even if their arms can’t fit all the way around, chicks love it. They feel protected, and I’m the terminator nigga.

I’ve had some good sexual encounters and horrible ones. And most of these occur how? Is it spitting game? Making false promises? Saying I got money? Nope. They felt comfortable and big dudes are the best to cuddle with. Period. Girls love it, and if they’re comfortable and you get them to the crib, cuddling is evitable. And ya know spooning leads to forking. And big niggas like to a good meal. It’s funny cuz growing up, being a big dude everyone thought you got no play and would clown you. Now the SAME people insinuate to me that they know that I get mine. Weird, I’ll never understand that one. I’ve often tried to pass as a virgin, no one believes me.

Now where I haven’t gotten a knife held to my head, I’ve had to deal with some crazy women in my life. For some reason, I just can’t date a chick, there has to be a relationship, and that’s cool I guess. I think over my life I’ve had like 3 serious relationships and only dated like 3 girls, but the dating never really felt like dating, the words “I love you” were said so I dipped. Is this because I fill some void in some women’s life who have a niche for a big dude, or do they just like me? I think it depends on the case. My boys say it’s cuz I’m a genuinely good dude, but that’s totally random, I will leave you with 9 things to know about big dudes. Enjoy.

1. We’re extra nice as to not scare people.

2. Big dudes CAN be lightweights. I like to say I’m a cheap drunk

3. Don’t assume that if the poop left in the toilet is HUGE then the big nigga didn’t flush.

4. Stop giving away free shirts and shit and only having up to a large. Throw some X’s on the tag.

5. There are NO new fat jokes

6. Like I said I’m nimble, I think dancing is one of my strong suits. I got two numbers last weekend based on this fact. They don’t expect for me to be able to move the way I do (versatility), just think what else big dudes can do. LOL.

7. When you say “eat whatever you want” you better mean it.
8.  Real story: I was at the bar last Saturday and I walked out into the hall to use the bathroom.  The hall way was packed but people parted like the red sea cuz a big nig was coming thru. Gotta love that, so keep moving out the way if you see us comin.

9.  Don’t always blame the biggest person in the room if someone farts.

L’Chaim….. P!ed P!per.

Spirituality in the Black Home

Disclaimer: I was afraid to write about this topic b/c some of my past topics and future topics, but this is another aspect of me so read on.  Also, tell me I'm not the only one that had this poster in their room growing up!

So I was sitting in church on Sunday when I get a text message from Jonny Casanova asking me what my article title would be this week. I sat and I pondered for about twenty seconds then forgot all about picking a topic. Why? Because I became heavily engrossed in the song that was being played in church. If you’ve been to a black church, you know what I’m talking about. It’s like the club for black Christians. Like if you’re in the club with a drink in your hand and they play your favorite song. You look around and a few more people are letting go some of their inhibitions as they sway with their cranberry and vodka. You then feel like this is YOUR song, and that YOU must dance and let everyone know that you’re not playing games when you say you love this song. That’s what church does to black people. (And I can only speak for black people)

I sat there and began to clap my hands and pat my foot a little bit. Then next to me, on the other side of my brother there were four little kids, 3 girls and a boy, that were banging their tambourines, creating variations of the beat that the drummer was orchestrating. Three and four year olds on the off-beat, adding to the musical aroma in the church still astonishes me. Then people begin to harmonize and sing a song that they might know and might not, I did not. But you catch the words and you begin to sing your range, tenor is mine even if it’s not that good. And before you know you’re standing and singing and dancing. I look over and my grandmother is smiling up at me, teeth shining, and I look into the pulpit and the pastor’s wife makes eye contact with me and nods smiling and I do the same. I know now that I will be getting hands laid on me later in the service because she noticed I’m in town. And I look forward to this.

I then pick up my phone and text Jonny the name of this article.

For me and for many black people in America, church seems to be a place where you can enjoy yourself and make your way closer to heaven at the same time. It’s a win win. The only thing that kinda makes me feel some loss is that we start at 10am and don’t finish til about 2pm… on a good day and I have to miss my Giants play. Church is a release and provides many of us with our sense of spirituality. Being raised in a church has shaped me in many of my morals and values, whether I express them outwardly everyday or not. I guess I’m at fault there, but I think we all do it. College has been the most recent catalyst behind this.

Every day I find myself asking the Lord to forgive me of my sins, those of omission and those of commission. I know we all know we can do better, but hey we’re only human and the Lord knows that we are weak.

Spirituality surrounds me in every aspect of my life. Like last weekend I awake from this CRAZY dream. Like I’m talking about calling Bill Clinton on a cell phone while running for the DC metro in New York through a high school and through some broken levies crazy, all after my Trailblazer transformed into the caboose of a train. I joking told my mom about the dream at breakfast, and you know what she did? She smiled and says, “That’s my confirmation from the Lord. God is trying to tell you that… and she went on and on.” I for one do not see how in the world any of that has to do with God telling me anything, but I listen and take it in. This goes to show that black Christians translate any and EVERYTHING into a spiritual thing. Has shaped my life.

I’ve done some wrong in my life, and to overcome all of it I went to God. I remember a time in my life where I put all of my Christian music on a playlist and listened to that every day on my way anywhere and looked up for no one who may pass by. It was my alone time with the Lord and re-concentrating my life on what it should be. This gave me peace like no other. You may be agnostic or atheist or any other form of religious follower, even scientology, but I know that I was granted a peace like nothing before. If religion is no more than that, then I’m happy because I know I wouldn’t have gotten it any other way. This is probably due to the fact that in the black Christian household the Lord is ALWAYS in control and when I felt like all was lost, I figure it’s done for a reason.

In my church, people go to the front to have hands laid on them and prayer interceded on their behalf. These people, me included, go up front hands raised and allow the pastor to touch us and we seem to lose control once again, saying to me that God is really in control. Some people don’t even have to be touched, just getting close or feeling the breath of the pastor can send them into a frenzy of anything from sprinting and thrashing children who are in the aisles who shoulda been paying attention, to kneeling and sobbing for 15 minutes. It’s all what the Lord wants to do and black Christians are all for it.

On another note, nothing burns me up more than hypocrites of religion, especially black ones. I’m Christian but do I adhere to all the guidelines 24/7? Absolutely not. But when Al Sharpton starts talking, I have to turn the channel. And when Jeremiah Wright opened his mouth and about shot opportunity in the face, I cringed. I don’t profess to be holier than thou, but when figure heads become extreme it’s mad upsetting. They can make people who may not be so deeply rooted in it extract themselves even further. Check out Pastor Kerney Thomas….. GAWWWD WILL HEAL YOU! Man shut up! He’s a hoax. Watch this video…

I don’t really know where I wanted to go with this article other than express my fondness for the black Christian culture and thank it for shaping me, even through all the dirt that I do. I’m appreciative of influence it has had on my parents and the fact that they raised me the way that they did. The Lord is at the helm in my life and has great plans for the P!per. Lol. YESSIR!

L’Chaim… P!ed P!per

Nigga.... WHAT?!

Nigger. NIgga. Nucca. Niggy. Niggelo. Niggachu. Nig nig nig nig nig…. And any other way you wanna spell it or say it phonetically, this word has divided and separated. Showed love and showed hate. Shown trust and bonded and degraded and ashamed. How could this one word have so much power?

Nigger is a variant of the Spanish word negro, meaning black. It has since then taken on the racist connotation to degrade black people and bring attention to the “ignorance” they had. Horrible right? How can this word bring anything BUT negativity? I’ll explain later.

It has come to my attention by a friend of mine, I’ll call her Black Becky, that white people are still seeking to control the power of this word.

*** Side note: has anyone heard Plies song "Becky"? someone give THAT nigga a glass a bleach and tell him to sip slowly.***

nigga 1nigga 2

I was informed that while at a mixer Black Becky overheard someone using the omnipotent n-word. Black Becky then courteously asked the nice Caucasian people to not use that word because it offended her. This is when the white people got up in arms. They were upset that Black Becky asked them to refrain from using the word, derogatory or not, and they were confused as to why she could use it and they could not. She simply said, that word has a special connotation with me and I would prefer you not use it. (She told me this is how she said it be we know how coloreds can be, but I don’t think how she said it is the issue.) And why do white people always say why can you use it and I can't? You can't tell me what to do! Why people?!?!?

I think that the fact that she voiced her concern and opposition to the word should have been more than enough to silence all and let that be the end. The Caucasian male in the group, he was accompanied by two white females, then voiced that he and his friends all use the word in the privacy of their own homes all the time, and that they use it in the same manner as black people. “You my nigga!” does not mean the same thing when a white guy says it to his friends, white or black, versus when a black guy says it to his friends, white or black. Sorry. It’s true and it’s a double standard. It is what it is. Don’t argue cuz it’s not gonna change.

In our culture it has become taboo to use certain derogatory terms towards groups of people. For instance, in the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bi, transsexual, queer or questioning) community certain words are unacceptable. Therefore to not offend them we practice discretion in case we might offend. We don't question, because it truly doesn't matter why it offends them. We accept that. I would never tell a gay person I use f***ot around my home because that's disrespectful and what i do in my home is my business.

Why do white people, and people of other races, want to say nigger? What grandeur do they see in having their “bros” become their “niggas”? This summer I worked at a summer camp and made some lifelong friends. But there was one, who was cool as shit, that wanted to refer to me as his “nigga.” I don’t want to be any white dudes “nigga”. That’s called slavery homie. I know a lot of white guys (it always seems to be the guys who wanna push the envelope) use the word nigga all the time around their friends and in their cars when they listen to the TI vs TIP or the 36 mafia joint unedited. I guarantee, if you’re white, if you play Jay-Z’s “Nigga What Nigga Who” in a room of white ppl at least one will say “nigga” when the time comes. I’ve seen it happen. Some do it totally on accident and look at me apologetically and some do it purposefully and look at me ostentatiously waiting for a riot. I will accept the apology but I will not reward you with the reaction you want you who push the envelope.

Some may disagree that we need to do away with double standards but this one is here to stay, and the sooner people realize that the better we all will be. I don’t think the power of the word comes from the fact that black people use it at all. Hell for years black people have been taking lemons and making lemonade or crusty powder in a pouch and making kool-aid, which ever you choose. Have you SMELLED CHITTERLINGS! They smell like hot crackhead breath with a hint of shit. Makes me wanna vomit, but that’s what the slaves ate and a lot of people think they are delicious. And now even white people eat them.

So many things blacks were handed disdainfully once Plymouth rock hit a nigga in the head, yet in many of these cases we’ve made due. The word nigga has held us down for years, but in today’s culture “my niggas” are the ones I would go to the end of the earth for. To me, they called black people “niggers” because we were not them, that we were beneath them, that we were ignorant, that we were different. Ok, but by that grouping and separation from them, we’ve become a strong culture (although we have been slippin’) that seeks unity and family from one another. The black woman being the cornerstone of this. So “my niggas” are my family. Hell one of my worse nightmares is waking up white and losing all of the culture I know and appreciate.

Now don't get me wrong, I can still say, "Look at that DUMB NIGGA!" and mean it negatively. Sorry it's too intricate to get into. But this is just another aspect of why I feel only black people should say it.

The power in the word comes from the people who detest it and try to strike it down at every chance they get. By acting like black people shouldn't use the word still gives it power over me. No sir. White people should not think they should say it and should just accept it. They’re ancestors gave it the negative connotation and we’ve chose to make it work for us in a totally different way. Nowhere in there do other people get rights to the word. Double standard? Of course, but let it go if you’re not black. LET IT GO! We got dibbs by right. If you say any variation of the word nigger and you’re not black we will take it differently and probably negatively. An explanation really isn’t necessary.

L’Chaim nigga..... just playin'…. P!ed P!per

HILARIOUS

VIBRATIONS...

Women like things that vibrate. Expensive phones and toys. No, this is not about actual vibrations but more about the vibes we all receive as people. I for one am a person that follows his vibes to a T. If you don't follow your vibes and you fuck up, who can you blame? No one. So I'd rather not make that mistake.

Vibes and vibrations are all around us everyday. It's how we hear sounds and even see light. These things come in waves or also known as vibrations. We trust what we hear and see, so why not the internal feelings and emotions we get from initial meeting or introductions. I live by them.

Vibes tell us when to move forward with a female, when to make an advancement in our career or when to merge into the next lane. I have turned down a smorgasbord of opportunities due to said vibes and I've gotten this far. (Although I'm currently unemployed, another story)

I love the vibes i get. I was just watching a show called "Ninja Cheerleaders". What the fuck is that about? My vibes say to turn the channel... With pleasure. I'm pretty sure I'm not missing out on shit.

The main thing, like most things that guys think about, is women. Vibes govern how i approach women, and should do the same for all men. If you get a positive vibe from a chick you know you can go in for the kill and either get to know her better or smash. If you get a negative vibe, youza a fool ass nigga to try to make something happen that most likely will not. A vibe can make or break a situation, and women know what type of vibe theyre giving off, i think that they use that to their advantage, but men do not. Men just ignore women or say via some expression that they are not interested, women are a whole nother beast. They love using vibes to trick men and to lure them into a trap in which them and their girl friends can laugh at later. Bogus.

Men, i think if we took this approach we might have more control in these interactions and control these situations. Vibes can make or break an interracial coupling or a situation where the people may be in love with one another but society dictates that they do not fit together, and its tough to break these vibes. In these types of situations it takes either a crazy man or a very passionate man to break through this vibe.

So i'll close with this. Fellas, let's follow our vibes, not those of society. And ladies, if a man is giving you a good vibe don't just shut him down for no good reason, you never know what can come of it. Vibe on.


L'Chaim..... P!ed P!per