king james fitness

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rules of engagement

today's topic: rules of engagement

a few weeks ago, i posted a story about one of my hookups that went sour. to make a long story short, she wanted to kill me. during this experience, i formed a few rules that i live by when i'm hooking up with girls. these are my rules. if you do not like them, create your own rules.....here we go © slick rick

- i always say what i want upfront: if you meet a woman and you only want her for sex, tell her that. if she's offended, then she wasn't the girl for you anyway. if she's not offended, make it happen. i say what i want to avoid spending extra money. listen to me, everybody pays for pussy in some way. you may not pay the girl directly, but you will spend a certain amount of money before she is comfortable with the idea of fucking you. whether it is one date or six dates, there is an undetermined amount of meals, movies, and drinks you'll spend money on before she is comfortable with herself.

**sidebar** this is why i do not understand women who say they would not have sex for money. what they mean to say is they would not directly have sex for money. here's the deal, if i spend $500 over the course of three dates, and on the third date, you now want to have sex with me, then your pussy costs $500. now, do not be offended when someone just flat out asks "what's your price" or "how much"...the funniest thing to me is when women tell me they would not have sex with a man for money. $10,000...no. $50,000...no. $100,000...no.....it's hilarious. in their minds, their pussy is priceless. yet these same girls will go on two dates, and kick it up....the rejecting money for sex logic is something i believe is bullshit anyway. we are in a recession. gas is high. you mean to tell me, you'll turn down $20,000 for sex, from someone who's gonna nut in ten minutes anyway? i don't think so.

- the less information, the better: women i am genuinely interested in potentially being with, i give them my number. once they have my number, it's up to them whether they want to call me or not. if they do, cool. if not, moving on...when you meet a woman you only want to fuck, get her number first. simply because you already know, once you fuck this girl, depending on how good the sex is, she may drop out of the rotation... if i changed my cell phone number, there are women i've fucked who won't know if i'm alive. no facebook. no twitter. none of that shit. you fuck bitches, and duck bitches....that's it.

if the sex is good and she stays in the rotation, this is when you transition her from the bench to fuck buddy status. all of the fuck buddies i have had post graduation, i've been cool with. simply because they know their roles. i'm not trying to make long term plans with you, or even be with you in public. i'm coming over after hanging out at Fox & Hound. i'm gonna fuck, throw the condom in the toilet, flush the toilet, wash up in your sink with the good rags, and bounce... fuck buddies have your number for repeat hookups. first time jumpoffs, i'll find a number to call you from, just so you cannot have any information on me. it's that serious.

i know you're probably thinking "you don't need to be fucking a girl you wouldn't want to have your number".....in theory, i agree with that; however, knowing the woman doesn't have a lot of information on me, saves me from being an asshole. instead of saying, fuck off...i can let her exhaust herself trying to get back in touch with me. therefore, if i meet her again and she wonders what happened, i can say "i changed my number" and everything is cool again. a very passive/aggressive maneuver.

- i don't carry anything in the building: aside from condoms, i don't bring anything. i don't need to. i don't want anyone looking through my shit when my back is turned, or trying to steal from me when i take my post-sex piss. you don't need to bring the shirt you wanted to impress her with, or a last minute bottle of wine to get her drunk. it's already going down, just let it happen....

- i do not spend the night: in my college career of fucking around i learned a valuable lesson, i don't need to sleepover after i have sex with the woman of my choice. i compare it to loitering after robbing a bank. why risk getting put into harm's way after accomplishing your goal? get the ass, hit the gas....when you don't sleepover, you avoid trouble. as a matter of fact, once you bust that last nut, your terror alert needs to be on high. code red. get in, get out....in school, i was not good at this. i got caught up in too many bullshit situations, but i never learned until my senior year. i realized then that women enjoyed putting me in danger situations because i'm naturally calm.

- delete text messages: i used to cheat on my college girlfriends, which is why i always deleted my text messages. i did it so much to where now, it's habitual....if you are going to go through the trouble to cheat, don't leave your phone laying around with some bad news. delete the shit once you've read it. don't be lazy...what will happen is this: one day your girl, or the bitch you're just fucking, will ask to see your phone. if you say no or avoid the subject, you'll have an argument. i hate arguing with women.... i just show her the phone. hand it to her, and watch her look at you distrustfully. she doesn't trust you anyway if she's asking to see your phone. so when you show it to her with nothing there, that's not enough for her. she'll continue to investigate, making herself miserable in the process.....just the delete the shit, and save your girl from herself.

i'm bob george, and i'm out this muthafucka...peace

Line Up for Nov 22-Nov 28

You know what it is...Sunday....that means football, church (for some), and of course...ur 5ivebruhs upcoming article...Heres the line up for the week. Check it out!

Monday "rules of engagement"
by bob george
Tuesday "random
by The Nerd
Wednesday "random
by Jonny Casanova
Thursday "10 Reasons Why There is a Double Standard in Sex"
by The P!ed P!per
Friday "random"
by The Cuban

And remember....You can FOLLOW US @5ivebruhs on twitter.... and you can be a FAN on Facebook here...or head to the bottom of the page...

The Freshman Class of 2009

To be he honest, this has been the best year that hip hop has seen in a long time. Hip Hop has come along way from Nas' declaration of its passing a couple years back. With the Blueprint 3 reaching number one on the billboard charts in a manner of minutes, the not so subtle "war" the hip hop community has taken against autotune, the Roots continuing presence in mainstream culture via Jimmy Kimmel, and a plethora of new talent emerging this year: hip hop seems to be digging itself out of the artistic pit created by an over abundance of snap hop, Soljha Boy, and white tees.

Because of this I think its time to lead a discussion on the "freshman" of 2009. XXL a couple of months ago coined a term that seemed to stick with 10 new artist that reach relative popularity this up coming year. Not all of them made a splash as many hip hop theorist (these means niggas with blogs like me) predicted. So I am going to focus on the ones that did: Kid Cudi, Wale, Asher Roth, and of course Drake.

Kid Cudi: Alternative hip hop, back pack hip hop, skater hop, or stoner hop, what ever you call it, each member of the freshman class seems to embrace this section of hip hop culture. However none can be consider a purest (if there is such a thing) then Kid Cudi. Kid Cudi in his subject matter and style reminded me allot of a darker, less intellectual Lupe Fiasco (with the exception of the weed references). This is not taking away from Cudi, but he fits that mold pretty perfectly, and many Lupe fans have gravitated toward Cudi with Lupe's absence from the hip hop community this year. His style is skater: skinny jeans, graphic tees, and chucks. His first single penetrated the hearts of lonely stoners every where, much to the annoyance of their girl friends. His production quality is very vibrant and laid back. The apathy that he speaks of seems to resonate with young male black intellectuals, which is why I believe that them and college white boys who took African American studies courses, seem to enjoy Cudi so much. Like Lupe, Cudi is gaining a very committed following, though I doubt it will reach the cult like stasis that Lupe has manage to gather. Achievements: Second Stage in the Roots Picnic, a feature on the Blueprint 3 and appearance on Jay-Z's Madison Square Garden performance, Man on the Moon peaked at 4 on the billboard charts.

Wale: If I was giving out awards, I would have to give Wale the hustler award amongst the freshman class. This brotha was everywhere. I couldn't look up hip hop news without Wale showing up. Wale blends Kid Cudi's back pack hip hop, with Drake's more pop hop, though not quite as successfully in some cases. He cant really escape his DC sound, which is why Wale always seems better suited for heavy percussion in his productions and less experimental beats. Which is a shame, because he has one of the most creative musical minds on this list. Mix tape About Nothing and Back to the Feature are absolute genius, and two of the greatest Mix Tapes ever created. Wale himself is gaining a definite following, which is almost to cult like proportions. He sinks within people who consider themselves "hip hop intellectuals". Many of them have given Wale an almost messiah like quality, hoping that he will save hip hop from its own implosion. Unfortunately, Wale is not commercial enough to achieve pop status, and "redeem" hip hop for pop culture. Nor does he want to be . His debut ablum is very much, unapologeticly Wale, which is what we have always loved about him. Achievements: Two critically acclaimed Mix Tapes, The "house band" for the VMAs, Peek at 21 for his ablum in its first week, first single featured lady gaga who is pop musics hottest acts right now.

Asher Roth: Asher Roth was gathered allot of excitement around him when he first appeared on the scene. The last white hip hop artist was the phenomenal Eminem, so allot was expected of Roth. Ill give the brotha credit, he did not succumb to Eminem dense shadow. Instead he forged his own path, that is almost anti-Eminem in many was. I would actually compare Roth to the Beastie Boys more than anyone else. He focuses on the mundane of middle class life, a risky topic mainly because hip hop is so rooted in low income culture. However Roth stays true to himself and doesn't attempt to "go hard" by any stretch of the imagination. I consider him the frat boys MC, mainly because his songs don't really extend outside of his middle class bubble. His niche is college hip hop, and his followers tend to be followers of mash ups, and rock. Like the Beastie Boys before him, he is a nice bridge between pop and hip hop. He is very much hip hop, however his audience tends not to be the kind of people who listen to hip hop very much. Achievements: Second Stage in the Roots Picnic, album peaked at number 5 on the billboard charts, nominations at the VMAs.

Drake: If any of these artist were the luckiest it was Drake. The prodigy of Lil Wayne, Drake immediately was upheld as the second coming of Lil Weeze, and his successor. But Drake surprised allot of people. Wale makes songs about women, Kid Cudi whines about women, Asher Roth dreams of women, but Drake makes songs for women. This difference gets him money, boatloads of money. Drake has the light skin celebrity style: sistas love dark brothas, but they lust after light skinned ones, and this little fact Drake (knowingly or unknowingly) exploits. He is Lil Wayne with out the rambling, and with out the drugs. So his flow is clear, though less experimental then wayne's. Drake also tends to be less political, which might hurt him in the long run. One of the reasons Lil Wayne is so popular is his political side, which Drake lacks though he tends to mimic much of Lil Wayne's style. Drake has the most potential of pop success, which is a double edge sword. He could imprint himself squarely in hip hops identity, or he could fade fairly quickly.

Everyone has there favorites, who do you think made the biggest impact this year?

Are you love makin or just fakin?

Ladies, are you making love or just gettin’ it beat up? This is a question a lot of women may find themselves asking especially when they have a thing for a dude and don’t necessarily know where they stand. This is a step past the unforgiving, yet sometimes rewarding, friend zone. Let’s be honest, there is a double standard when it comes to sex and there is a different standard for what sex means between males and females. Females tend to get more attached and their number of partners is less likely forgiven, while dudes can pump and dump chicks over and over with no attachments and be seen as that nigga. This article is about a guy’s perspective on the difference in making love, sex among friends and the ever so popular smash and dash.  It will also leave you some tips to tell the difference.

The Run and Gun…

This is the one night stand. The Miami Dolphins “Spread” offense. The wildcat formation is you, and you’re about to be exploited. This is the “she ain’t that cute, so I’ma pump and scoot” maneuver. Ladies, if you met a guy and had sex with him within a week, or a night, and he don’t call you or want to talk to you anymore, you are on his “Nut Mantle”. There’s a lil dirty sock under his balls with your name on it, just in time for the holidays. He used you to get off, but when he see you in public he turns his head and cough. He mighta been drunk, mighta not. Chances are he was, but if he wasn’t you should feel extra bad. Don’t give it up that easy and expect me to want anything else but the bunz. Hell I’ve had a few repeat offenders that I ONLY called when I was drunk, but they still didn't get it. Some girls need this attention, I feel bad for them. I also said I would never be that nigga that had sex at random, but hell I felt I needed to enjoy college. If a dude don’t invite you anywhere but to bed then ur a real-life blow up doll, and I’m sorry. If you’re getting offended, maybe… nvm. You know why you’re offended. Guys don’t give a shit about this girl. If she was cute and the bunz were good and she gotta dope personality he would pursue something beyond the booty. But if you givin it up freely you get your just deserts.

This sex is usually rough and quick. Lots of silence and panting, followed by an excuse to leave and an awkward dressing session afterwards. The nigga will laugh to himself as he leaves a job well done. One time I used Jonny Cassanova to call me after I txted him a code word. He then called and pretended to be blackout drunk and bitch about me giving him a ride home. Truth was he was at home already. Perfectly executed. I turned the phones volume up just enough so the chick could hear his fake “drunk ass” so she believed it was authentic. Love you my nigga. The dude ain’t really trying to impress you, he wants to get it over with and go to bed. This may last all of 15 mins (if that) and he prolly thinking about another chick to expedite the process. The position is also important. Missionary is the most intimate of all the positions. And if he’s in that position and never leans in to kiss you then you know what’s up. And if guys only do it from the back w/ you maybe you should reconsider your life decisions. Also ladies, look at the guy at some points during sex, if you NEVER see him looking at you or he looks away mad quick then you know he’s bout to “Skeet and Skidattle”-Bob George. So remember, if a guy is drunk and wanna erupt, and you not cute he’s gonna fuck. These chicks come a dime a dozen, replacements to infinity and beyond. (Sad)

Let’s be Cordial…

This is simple. This is sex between friends. This section will be short. If you chill on a consistent basis and the furthest you go is sex and you never go on dates, you’re a fuck buddy. This isn’t horrible, as long as both parties understand the relationship. Nothing worse than your fuck buddy not knowing what she is. Then her consistently telling you how much she likes you and wants to date you. That shit annoys me, I don’t know if I want another fuck buddy ever. I do believe a dude should make sure that the chick is compatible with him in bed before dating her, but if he’s still test driving that car to work a week later, wise up. The more you do it, the chances are the girl will attempt to catch feelings. Ladies, you ever wonder why a guy you’re fucking treats you good one minute and then bad the next? It’s cuz he wants you to be a fuck buddy. He wants to be nice enough to keep you as his friend, but mean enough to let you know things ain’t going past the headboard and footboard. You’re fuck buddies. You serve a vital role.

Sex in this type of relationship usually middle of the road. He tries to impress cuz he cares what you think about him, and wants you to want it again. He will look at you occasionally, but kissing can be awkward or used strictly during sex. The ending of this can be scary. Both parties can be left to wonder if the other one is feeling them beyond the fucking stage. This is a valuable tool when the parties are on one accord. Can be easily replaced if you play your cards right.

Turn on that Jodeci…

Love makin’. “Yeah buddy rollin like a big shot!” It takes a special chick to bring a dude to this point. This is where the dude can look at the chick during sex and appreciate her for all that she is. This is where sex is just another element in which you put your love on display for her. For a guy at this point, the objectives of sex shift a little bit. The number one objective for a guy who is making love is to let his girl know she is a woman worthy of having his all. Hell, a woman can have sex with a guy she loves, and he be horrible and she still be ok and still love him. He also has the strong desire to make sure she is pleased. If a dude takes the time to make sure you are comfortable then you got a winner. Also, good guys finish last; a dude making love tries his damndest to make this phrase a reality. Girls will know when a guy makes love because when you’re done “doing the do” he’ll not be in a rush to get washed up.

Sex like this, to me, is the best. It encompasses all the other types of “relationships” and adds another element. You get to enjoy the PERSON, not just the poontang. You like this female beyond the friend and beyond the fuck buddy and beyond the “wham bam thank you ma’am”. For a dude, we will have sex in any position with this special chick, but missionary is definitely on the list, why? Cuz we wanna connect with her, we wanna look at her, we wanna kiss her and more than anything we wanna see her and know that she appreciates you bringing it the best you can. She appreciates it. We love it. If he wants music, or wants you to wear something special then you’re about to make love. (Well as long as he doesn’t put on some Uncle Luke song). Ladies, make a dude make love to you it’s a much better experience.

L’Chaim… P!ed P!per

Jonny Says: Kill Yourself!!!

I was walking around at work and had this strong urge to tweet (find me on twitter if you actually know my name) everything I saw. I wanted to share all of my observations with the world. There was just some real unacceptable shit walking around. I just wanted to say..."Kill Yourself!!!" to all of these people so I decided to turn it into a post. So here it goes...a short rant in response to the shit that I see everyday. Just add "KillYourself!!" to the end of each of these statements.

*Disclaimer* if youre already offended by the statement "Kill Yourself!!!" then do just that...its an expression...go read something else.

If you generally smell of a dirty foot thats been shoved up an ass (and you can help it)...

If its taking you 6 years+ to graduate college

If your a straight black male and you dance in the mirror every time you hear Taylor Swift

If your breath smells like boiled nickels DIRECTLY AFTER you've brushed your teeth

If its 7PM and your STILL wearing the head wrap from this morning...sloppy

If you heard Waka Flocka Flame rap and thought it was good (google him if you're confused)

Ladies if you say things like "2 kids no stretch marks!!!" *in Sha Nay Nay's voice* while in line at the club

If you were in line at that club and heard the aforementioned statement then proceeded to ask her what kind of cocoa butter she used to avoid the stretch marks

If you were in line for the SAME club and heard that ignorant shit and turned to your boy and said "imma try to hit THAT tonight..."

If you wear the following brands: Pelle Pelle, Johnny Blaze, School of Hard Knocks, DADA, or Platinum Fubu

If you actually thought the prostitute you ordered wasn't faking it...

If you fart in elevators that have people in them and think that shit is funny.

If you DONT study for your GED classes

If youre 37 years old with a wife and kids and at this VERY moment you're drunk at your alma mater asking your frat brothers "So...Where the party at?"

annnnnnnnnnnd Im Spent......

Thanks for reading....Ill have some more Jonny Says articles for you in the future....

Jamiroquoi

Subtle reminder of how strange the 90s were in music...good song tho...not so subtle reference to weed...and we all know Jonny's stance on weed...Check the archive...

How Tough is Your City?

Rough Raleigh

Fayettnam

The D

People love to come up with nicknames for their city, and mainly they are speaking to how rough their town is. Let’s face it no one wants someone to think that their town is weak or soft, you want your town to be tough as nails and only a place for the roughest kind of people.

Why is this?

Why do we obsess about how tough the communities we live in are, and more importantly why do we take pride in how rough it is? What really makes a town tough? The number of people murdered? The number of crimes? How many areas you don’t go to for fear of your personal safety? None of those things sound appealing to me at all; in fact they aren’t appealing at all. What you are saying is:

My town is not safe

Lots of people get murdered in my city

My town is where hope goes to die

It does not sound so good anymore does it?

I know why we like to talk about and brag how tough our city is: It makes us look tough. Every good boy knows that being tough is cool, and being cool gets you respect.

But wait, there is a problem, just because where you live may have some tough parts doesn’t make you tough. Toughness does not work by proximity or even osmosis. For instance, The pied piper is a tough guy, but if I stand next to him for an hour I will not become tougher by standing next to him, and the same does not apply for the city you live in. Now if you live in the tough part of the town and you made it out and made something of yourself then you are in fact tough. But if you simply knew that your town has tough parts then don’t try to claim any personal toughness due to proximity.

I bring this up because I am proud of my city. I am proud because Knoxville is a great place to live; East TN is a beautiful part of the world and I am lucky to live in this area. I am proud of the people who live here and I am proud of the culture of the city. Much to my dismay I was recently talking to a friend and found out about a part of town that I didn’t know much about: ‘The Fort’. ‘The Fort’ is apparently your one stop shop for rape, robbery and murder. One of the town’s most gruesome and controversial crimes in recent years has gone down in ‘The Fort’. I always figured that my hometown had rough areas but I never really knew how rough they were. In all honesty I am terribly ashamed of ‘The Fort’ and the fact that there are people who take pride in ‘The Fort’ and how tough it makes Knoxville seem. I never wanted Knoxville to be known as a tough city, I want it to be known as a great city.

At the end of the day, I simply wish that people would take pride in their communities for the good they have to offer. Why do we love to make crime and poverty seem so fashionable?