Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Jay-Z


Some random thoughts on Jay-Z

Glad to see Jay-Z answering questions on twitter. He’s actually a funny guy. Seinfeld fan. Dry humorist. For me, that was more interesting than Magna Carta Holy Grail (MCHG). There hasn’t been an artist I have listened to for that long and felt like I know less about. The twitter session taught me more about Jay-Z in one day, than seventeen albums.

Speaking of MCHG, which I think for the most part is a very solid album. If he retired on this album, it would make sense. At this point, he’s pretty much a rapping black Forbes magazine. Referencing a bunch of rich shit.

….the trick in this album is the production, which is grade A. Aside from the BBC misstep (I don’t know who’s idea it was to follow Beach is Better with BBC, but they should be fired from the Jayminati), it’s top notch. Hard snares. 808’s. Classic beat switch on Picasso Baby…the highlight in the production is when the beat drops on Somewhere in America, and it’s nothing but the horns…. MCHG, heavily influenced by Timbaland, is probably his hardest record since the Black Album. MCHG is boom-bap Jay-Z in 2013.

Jay-Z sounds best rapping over production from Just Blaze and Timbaland.

I say the trick is the production because lyrically, he’s referencing a bunch of things that: 1. People really don’t care about.
2. People really don’t want to hear.

When was the last time you were thrilled to discuss Picasso? How much of an influence is Basquiat in your life? Do you care about Tom Ford? Listen, I completely understand why Jay-Z is talking about this. He’s at the point in his life where this is the world around him. However, he’s preaching to an audience that will probably never experience the things he’s referencing, have no idea who Tom Ford is from Henry Ford, and generally are hanging onto every word because Jay-Z said it.

Sidenote: How bland of a name is Tom Ford? How long is it going to be before someone niggafies the Tom Ford brand and you have Tom Ford all-over print hoodies and shirts like Bape in 2006? In 2033, how many 20 yr-olds are getting arrested named Tom Ford Jenkins? How long before someone changes their facebook name to Domatez “iRockTomFord” Robinson?

Back to MCHG…Jay-Z makes rapping effortless. Some mistake it for lazy. But in 2013, based on MCHG, he can still rap. Very well. Granted, I may not want to hear most of the things he’s rapping about (dissing Harry Bellafonte and Scott Morris, REM, and him and Beyonce being “ride or die”…lol @ that), but he does it in a clever way over incredibly solid production.

MCHG was for people who felt alienated by Yeezus. MCHG is a continuation of Watch the Throne. It’s a stadium album for black America.

Beach is Better should be longer. Rumor has it Andre 3000 is on the remix. I don’t know how I feel about that, but I am glad that they are making it into a full song. I’ll save my thoughts on Andre 3000 for another day.

Miley Cyrus has no ass people. I like that portion of the song….but let’s be honest: she has no ass, and she can’t dance.

Monday, July 8, 2013

The Hip Hop Happy Meal



http://c.cslacker.com/2872l.jpg

Upon listening to J Cole, and Wale’s new album, I find myself getting increasingly frustrated with mainstream hip-hop artists these days. Hip Hop has fallen into a value menu kind of production, where you look at an artist album list and you find yourself able to tell what a song is about based on title and whose featured. What’s even more bitchass about this problem is even the beats are predictable. It’s like going to McDonald's and selecting a value menu. You know exactly how much it will be, how it will taste, and even essentially what it will look like. You don’t go to McDonald's for variety, but the same old shit. And just like McDonald's, these Value Menu flows are unhealthy to the art. These artist stay in their lane, get their checks and pump out the same recycled Starbucks raps that you can find on any one of their features.

THE HIP HOP MEAL MENU!

$3.99 The Nicki Minaj Ass Clap


http://mtv-tv.mtvnimages.com/images/flipbooks-1/nicki-minaj-butt-gifs/nicki-minaj-bum-21.gif?width=500

“Hey I got Nicki Minaj on a verse.” “Oh Word.” “Yep, Guess what’s the song about.” “Ummm deep resonating story of how you escape poverty?" “Nope.” “Hard in the paint flow, where both of you use words in new and interesting ways?” “Nah nigga.” “ASS ASS ASS?” “Hell Yeah, how you know?”

$5.00 High Ass a Kite Khalifa

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m34a8xl2rG1qjpwpao1_500.gif

Wiz takes the best of the Pharcycde, whittles it down too only their smoking references, takes out all the humor and wonderful word play, lights a blunt himself, forgets what the song was about in the first place, lights another blunt, says Taylor Gang a couple times, lights a third blunt, naps, and then lays 16 bars of pure garbage.

$7.99 Rick Rosay Super Size

http://standrivel.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/rick-ross-shirtless-3.jpg

B.I.G and Jay perfected the God Father rap. Rick Ross made it a cliché.

$6.00 Gisfucthekjaubaubgibg Wheezy Baby
http://cdn.rtny.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/wayne11.jpg



Half the time I have no idea what this brother is saying. The other half I wish I didn’t.

$8.00 For the Girls Flow

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr4n00gEz41r25jxgo1_250.jpg

Drake’s one of those artists that is hit or miss for me. Out of anyone on this list, I truly believe Drake is pushing the envelope. He took Kayne’s backpack pour my heart out style of rap, got rid of the black conscious part, and turned it mainstream. Like making a Black Panther movie distributed by Disney. However if you want that song where teenagers can hold each other close at prom, you go to Drake.

$2.00 2 Chainz 2 line Dr. Seuss

http://icarly.ytv.com/assets/4/image/2012/05/04/55150_1316992128.jpg

Ever notice how 2 chains can only really rap 2 lines at a time. That’s because he can only think 2 lines at a time.

$.99 Jock T-Pain’s entire Image: The Future

 Can't afford Miguel or Chris Brown. Need a tone deaf rapper sing on track so bad even auto tune can't help. Don't want to pay T-Pain. Yep, you got The Future.

100 Pesos Trinidad James’ What The Fuck

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll7365XmWK1qe9bil.gif

I just can’t.


Friday, July 5, 2013

Moving

I am actually in the process of moving as I type this post. Moving sucks, been doing it for 2 days now.  My advice to the masses...hire packers and movers.  That is all and I will be back next week with a real article.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Illuminati On The Subway?? *VIDEO*

I wanna talk ILLUMINATI.  I can't tell you how annoyed I am by people using this term.  The funny thing to me is that as long as this organization has supposedly been around, we've only been talking about it for like 4 years in popular culture.  When I say "we" I mean Black People.  It seems the illuminati rumors got real heavy around the election 2008.  Then Jay Z took rap braggadocio to a new level when he started mentioning Obama in tracks.  Black people create the equation rap + government= some goofy illuminati shit.  I just didnt compute in our minds that the PRESIDENT could be friends with a rapper. Then all these questions about the dollar bill and symbols and the ROC hand sign and all this ridiculous shit started going around.  To this day no one has been able to explain to what the illuminati is what their goals are and given over 3 minutes to explain they start sounding dumb and hit a wall.  So for the illuminati theorists I have some questions for you...Is illuminati a term we used to make sense of the popularity and success of our black public figures?  Why does the illuminati care so much about hip hop?

Listen, the illuminati may exist but I guarantee you the dont give a shit about Jay Z.  I guarantee he'll say the word in the album though.  In todays age "illuminati" is a buzz word that is used to get attention.  Jay Z is probably delighted to be associated with this organization since now he can make money off the hype.  So if that's the case the illuminati is really our most successful advertisement and hash tags or most provocative news entity.  These are the organizations that are running things on a surface level that touches the people more directly.  I have learned to respect marketing and advertising as a form of art.  The lowest form, but a form nonetheless.  There is something to be said about having the ability to create trends and hype and grab the attention of millions.  Obviously this is why the viral video is a phenomenon that people are now learning how to manipulate to generate revenue.  A process that eludes me.

I bring this up as a piggy back off a convo I had with 5iveBruhs contributor Brudda J yesterday.  We were talking about how marketing and ads are becoming a little invasive at this point.  Advertisements used to be a known means of funding our beloved television programs or would appear on the pages we would skip in the magazine to get to the articles, but now advertisements have evolved to be catered to your personality, your google searches, and shopping history etc.  The question is how far will marketing gurus go in order to get information to you??  Brudda J is a conspiracy theorist and he believes that Siri is not only a voice activated entity of your google search engine but is also a means of listening in on conversation.  Ridiculous right?  I know it is.  But I understand that his wariness comes from a desire to maintain a sliver of privacy in this digital age.  I get that but I also respect a well placed ad catered to me and delivered at the right time when I actually wanted the product.  I used to be one that shunned the new and especially the popular.  I have learned over the years that there is no use fighting it.  The machine's gonna get you one way or another.  The internet, new technology, and social media is forcing those in advertising to get creative in the ways they push products to people.

Heres a hypothetical for you.  Say you're on the Subway, the Metro, Tube, MTA whatever train system you have and while dozing off you rest your head on the window and suddenly hear a voice selling you Pepsi. You wake up startled and the voice stops until you rest your head on the window again.  Yes it was the window that was delivering the ad to you.  Creepy right??  Now what if I told you this is going to become a reality.  Check out the video below.
Happy July Fourth BTW
@5ivebruhs on twitter

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Trayvon



One of the biggest and media hypes cases of our generation is underway. Probably since Orenthal James killed his wife Nicole and tried to get away in a vehicle that reaches max speeds of 85 mph and is the size of a utility shed.
If you have no idea what I’m referring to, you probably wouldn’t like our blog anyway. The trial of George Zimmerman really has me a bit perplexed. If you don’t know anything about it HERE is a decent site that sums it up until this point.


I don't like George Zimmerman and I really feel some sort of way about this whole case. To me, the facts are pretty simple. To hell with Florida law.  If this LIGHT SKINNED HISPANIC (as the news was to hell-bent to point out to reduce racial implications) starts a conflict and as a result has to “defend” himself and shoots an innocent teen, his ass ought to fry.  Now let me back up a second to everyone who’s first statement is that this case has nothing to do with race. Yes it does and I don't care what race Zimmerman is. Trayvon Martin was profiled because he was a young black man. He was chased due to this profiling and subsequently killed. The police knowing Florida law, initially, did not charge George with any crime because Trayvon was a young black man.  If a young white girl was the victim here, regardless of the race of the assailant, that dude would have been slapped with murder and a few other accusations. Its sad to say but race is still a huge part of our lives everyday.


The prosecution is in the process of painting an image of Zimmerman as a vengeful racist who knew what he was doing and got over zealous in his pursuit of a potential wrong doer. They are using his previous failed attempts to be a police officer to show his eagerness to enforce the law. Meanwhile, the defense is simply trying to cause confusion and bring in doubt about what actually happened that night.  They have already drilled Trayvon’s friend Rachel Jeantel, who was the last person to talk to Trayvon, to prove inconsistencies in her story at the expense of her spirit and against her will.


To me, all the facts that matter to me are that this dude was told NOT to get out of his car, to NOT pursue Trayvon and to NOT be a hero. This dude is guilty. If a dude is chasing me in the darkness for no apparent reason I’m only going to try to get away for so long. After a while, I’m going to try to beat his monkey ass. And my guess is this is what Trayvon did. And when George was catching that “L” he pulled out his gun and shot him.  Taking an ass whooping never justifies a killing in my opinion, especially if you start the damn fight. Like Mr. Jones said in the classic Friday with his fists raised, “You win some, you lose some. But you live. You live to fight another day.” Not to mention, the medical examiner just said that Zimmerman’s scars from the night of the altercation were insignificant. If I go stand on the edge of a cliff to look over the edge and a strong gust of wind blows my dumb ass off I’m not going to curse the wind. I’m blaming myself because I knew the possibility of wind was there. Or like trying to snatch that bucket of chicken from Precious as she ran down the block. "You lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10 (Will Farrell). Just like George knew that if he caught up to Trayvon, he could get that ass beat. 
 
I mean this dude is guilty. This should be evident. Not to mention George has put on at least 120 pounds in the last year.  Some say it’s a ploy to make him seem like a wimp or that he’s stressed. As a bigga nigga, I resent that. I like to think my large physique makes someone think twice about running up on me. My theory? This dude knows he’s going to jail because he knew his intentions that night and has been enjoying his damn life. Eating all the burgers and ham hocks he can get his pudgy fingers on. Probably been enjoying the money he's getting from his 15 minutes of fame. Fat bitch.

He knows everyone hates him because he did something stupid. And he knows what he did was just that. Stupid. George, you were doing too much! He was too anxious. This is what happens when you try to lane hop. Stay in yours. He knows he didn’t and shouldn’t have chased him. He knows he was thinking, “When’s the next chance I’ll have to chase a potential criminal”.   If he’s stressed its not because he knows he’s innocent, its because he’s worried about what’s for lunch and what his last meal as a free man will be. Fry that monkey. Curious George always had to face the consequences in the end in the books. Time to make that a reality.  Hell let him walk free, but make him walk to his car. He probably wouldn't make it alive.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

BET AWARDS

SMH @ Optimus Negro. How you named “Negro” and not watching the BET Awards? Shame on you. The BET Awards is the Super Bowl of Black Twitter.


20 Random BET Award Notes.



1. BET always does the tribute portion better than any other award show. Charlie Wilson gave a great performance. Sounds even better live. You could tell he was very happy to have his moment in the spotlight. After everything he’s been through, it’s well deserved. He’s gonna kill at EssenceFest.

2. The world finally knows black people’s little secret: Chris Tucker is not funny. He’s funny in a movie (Friday, Rush Hour, Money Talks), but not standup funny. Even when he was popping, he was only doing 10 minute sets, at the most. He started off decent, then after 10 minutes started playing a game of “who’s in the house….” Nothing says struggle jokes like “Kevin Hart, I see your feet in the driver’s license picture.”

3. I appreciate Meagan Goode’s titties. I spent a good 30 seconds just hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.

4. Do not run up on Gabby Douglas. She is not playing games with you n-words.

5. Kendrick Lamar, learn from Andre 3000 and Common…when it comes to Erykah Badu, hit and quit it. I know she got a phatty, but unless you wanna start eating soybeans and wearing crotchet pants…I suggest you smash and pass it off to Schoolboy Q.

6. Props to Jamie Foxx for keeping Trayvon Martin alive, but you need to wrap up the speeches B. No need to thank God, the Management, and Kevin Hart. Pick two, and sit down…..also, he ruined Yearning For Your Love. AAARRRUUHHH Kelly was right there. He should’ve sang it instead.

7. El DeBarge is back on that stuff.

8. Apparently, he gave some to Paula Patton….get ya woman Robin Thicke.

9. The gospel portion of the BET Awards should be during the humanitarian segment of the award show. Either that or during the “Calvin Got a Job” segment. Not during titties and bitches.

10. Kevin Hart…the shtick is getting gold.

11. It’s time to retire the phrase “turnt up”

12. Gabrielle Union is destined for a career of tv-made movies on Centric or TV-One.

13. AAARRRUUHHH Kelly got HITS!!!

14. Best Man Holiday is gonna make some money. Everybody black is going to see that movie.

15. I think Miguel learned his lesson.

16. J.Cole can rap very well…but he is just a boring individual. His album is boring. His performances are boring. When he’s on the stage, I’m using those 5 minutes to make a sandwich. J Cole is audio ambien.

17. Player Hater of the Year award goes to: Ron Isley.

18. Ciara wore all the money she ever made.

19. When I heard Dawn on my TV…I knew nothing could go wrong. The Dancehall portion was hella dope.

20. Ray J is back on that stuff.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Trip with the youth

Today I am a counsler for a youth trip.  Several other adults and I are taking 30+ teenagers to a conference.  Please pray that none of the youth men have to be harmed...thats all.