brain farts

today's topic: brain farts

this is the realest shit i'll ever poast © pac

- doug funnie is the cartoon character i relate to best. i remember chasing my patti mayonaise.
- one day, i'll spend the entire day talking like billy mays.

- BILLY MAYS HERE, AND I'M DYING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.
<---tracee ellis ross has the perfect ass to me. she is the commandment for asses.

- peyton manning is the best QB since joe montana.

- tunde adebimpe and ?uestlove are the two coolest muthafunkers alive.

- i have a healthy addiction to tv on the radio. i unapologetically stan for them.

- when i'm alone in my car, i dig up on my nose and flick the boogers out the window.

- if i have a wet booger, i'll let it hang on my finger to make it dry...and then flick it.

- goodie mob's soul food is one of my top 10 rap albums of all time.

- the pharcyde's somethin that means somethin is an addictive ass beat....shoutout to dilla

- i'm convinced hilary clinton has a penis.

- as a child, i was afraid of children in special education. they smelled like pee.

- i've never heard a song by lady gaga or miley cyrus.

- michael steele is an adult version of the token black kid.

- family guy is the funniest show on tv.

- i am in constant search of the perfect pop culture reference. i think it has to do with my fascination of woody allen material.

- one day, i'll walk around musty. just to piss people off without them telling me i need to do better.

- if it were socially acceptable, i'd wear sandals everyday.

- two words to describe me: corporate hippie. conflicting viewpoints, i know....spare me.

- farting is the signal to taking a shit. i hate farting. i'd rather take a shit and be done with it.

- i am immune to sucker shit.

- nothing is funnier than watching people not realize how lame they are. for example, lil mama @ the vma's --->
- big titties stank.

- i hate mosquitos and flies. they serve no purpose but to annoy me.

- prince is 5'2. with heels, he's anywhere between 5'4 and 6'1.

- men with titties should wear bras. no one wants to see your "bro boobs."

- i'd love to smoke a blunt and shoot the shit with sarah palin. i'm sure she has some good stories to tell.

- i can not believe the lions won a game. i don't wanna hear shit from a redskins fan for two years.

- p.diddy can kill himself, with his dirty money.

- if my girlfriend was pregnant, i'd take her to carrowinds to ride all the rides.

- why do porn stars shave their body? they make me feel funny about the hair on my ass.

- i love seeing pinstripe suits with purple or pink ties.

<--- my favorite two male vocalists are marvin gaye and bilal.

- people think i am laid-back. not true. i am inwardly, constantly nervous. possibly neurotic. definitely quirky.

- malcolm x would kick mlk jr.'s ass in a fight.

- i'm glad i'm becoming a better cook.

- judd apatow, spike lee, and woody allen are my favorite directors.

- i've realized i'm a nerd. i've accepted this, and moved on with my life.

- i enjoy sex more with women i like. before, i fucked for sport. now, sex means more to me.

- bobby brown is like the drunk uncle at the family reunion. you know he means well, but you keep your distance.

- i've never seen someone lose a career as fast as ja rule.

- angelina jolie is psycho. who wants all those kids?

- my favorite line from a movie is: "i don't wanna cram pimpage."

- black people make me feel safe. i never am on edge around black people.

- i do not trust white people when i am at the ATM. i believe they are judging my checking account balance, and laughing over grape juice © chappelle

- i compete with people when i pump my gas. if i get my receipt first...i win.

- i really hope glenn beck gets caught with a group of vietnamese boys in a circle jerk.

- that's enough for today....goodnight.