Belated Valentines Post

I had an epiphany this past weekend. I was working on an audition monologue, and was having some difficulties making it fresh and original. I know this monologue like the back of my hand, having done it for every major audition I’ve had over the past year. Yet it was becoming stale, repetitive, and boring.So, I went back, and re-read the piece(Something I haven’t done since I first memorized it, yeah I know, lazy actor) . I want to highlight how truthful the character’s state of mind is. I think each guy has had this conversation with himself, or a close friend at some point in his life. The text is from Craig Wright's The Pavilion. To give a little background; the main character, Peter, confesses that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend from high school. He muses on why he can’t seem to forget her, even though years have passed, and both have developed other relationships. Take a second to read it:

I want to go...I want to go where maybe I could have gone with her you know?... if I had been...I don't know more strong or something. When I saw Kari for the first time, Smoke, Ill never forget it. it was like the second or third week of high school and I walked into the audiovisual lab and there she was. And I swear-i couldn't put this into words back then, but I've been thinking allot about it lately-it was really like I could recognize her or something. I don't mean it like we met before or anything. We had never met. It was just...it was as if in her face...in her beauty...I was finally seeing the beauty of everything you know?...the unreachable beauty of the whole world that I had always felt inside and tried to hold on to but never could, it was all in her. To me. That's how I saw it. And I just knew that if I could be with her...by her side you know?...then I could finally feel alive and apart of things. I'd at least have a chance. Now I know it sounds crazy with everything that happened, and there's allot of water that's gone under the bridge, and allot of time has passed, and there's been allot of stupid shit that's happened, and I've done most of it, but when I see her now I still feel the same way. I look at her now and I still see her face, and I think "Oh there you are...the world. Where have you been?" I love her, you know? I screwed up back then, there's no getting around it, but I love her. I think she's great. I love her.

 I’m a romantic, so the idea of walking into a room, and recognizing your soul mate is appealing. I think what we lose in that search for “the unreachable beauty of the world” is the very attainable beauty within ourselves.

To be “in Love” is a funny thing. No matter how many centuries we’ve tried, humanity has yet to accurately describe that state of mind. So, we spend our lives searching for it, with out an accurate road map (sounds a little bit like religion). My father said this to me recently about love, “The one may be out there for you, or she may not be. It doesn’t matter, eventually you have to learn to live for, and love yourself. Fuck anything else.” Find the love for yourself, the love for the moment, and the love for those around you. "The beauty of the world" lies in the beauty of the present, on the details, not on the abstractions, and the seemingly unattainable. To quote the Buddha:  

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. 

The “one” may come or may not, but ultimately only the present matters.

This blog is inspired by Blue Valentine (The Kid’s Are Alright is a better movie), James William’s uncanny ability to recognize the truth in a situation, and the fact I’ve spent the last month in 5 hour rehearsals working on a Shakespearean romance. So, love has been on the brain. Happy Valentines Day.

For those who don't want to read my post, I present Mila Kunis :-):