Showing posts with label 5ive bruhs; hoes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 5ive bruhs; hoes. Show all posts

Monday, September 21, 2009

What is the Facebook hoe? What are their practical uses?

Is it just me or are there more and more girls on Facebook showin their ass, by that I mean these wanna be models who are seeking attention like college freshman. I'm talkin about you! The chick that goes to the club photographer hawkin trying to take as many pictures as possible and then taggin yourself. Throwin up deuces or the card they give you tryin to look cute in your tight gold spandex pants, lips that are shinier than bike reflectors and bandana you call a shirt. You're probably the same chick that capitalizes every other letter in a sentence, LiKe ThIs oR Th@T, you know the one who still messes the the once was cool dude from High School, who now works part time at the post office or the chick that I tell I'm gonna take to Little Italy for dinner and thats the extent of game I have to run. Or for the white people out there, the girl who takes FAR too many pictures displaying ass, breasts and any assortment of weird faces at pre-games or frat parties Any way back to the discussion at hand... These girls....Facebook Hoes as we'll label them.... have some practical uses to society.


  1. Calling all club promoters!!!! NEED HALF NAKED GIRLS FOR YOUR FLIERS? Look no further. We have all you need. www.facebook.com. All you have to do is stalk a girls profile, copy and save the photo and photoshop.

  2. Alone on a friday night... need some company. 1-800-dia-lpic. Facebook stalk all those girls that you wish you could muster the guts to talk to. Grab your lotion and become a real stalker!

  3. We have to applaud these girls for influencing the next generation of tricks. How many middle schoolers are on Facebook again? Not that its your problem, buuutt yeah....


I'd also like to make a comment on your statuses. Recently, I saw a status that read “Niggas listen closely, im a real bitch, there for I only fuck with real men, ya'll immature as niggas that feel it neccessary to run off at the mouth cause a shorty dont wanna deal with you...ima pray for ya'll and hope that you find other ways to occupy your time like get a life, ever tried that? Real men have jobs, bills and better important shit to worry about than running they mouth and gossipinAnd Scene. You can stop ranting now. I chose to share this because this is often a staple of the facebook hoe. Some one who is consistently telling on themselves through their statuses or things that are made public to the world. Not only have you told us about your man problems but you've also told us what kind of woman you are. Seeing that you go and seek out the dudes that force you to write a status like this. Maybe knowingly maybe not, but as a dude I'm thinking one of a few things.


  1. If I'm a mature guy, I'm gonna say, tisk tisk. Your a dumb chick. And even dumber for putting yourself out there.

  2. If I'm an acquaintance with ulterior motives, I'm going to use it in my game, make you think I'm different say all the right things etc. Then mess with you and when I'm done, cause you to write a similar status.

  3. If I'm a stalker I'm just gonna save it and quote it when I show up on your door step in desperation to get your attention, cause that sort of thing works on the movies.

  4. Or just laugh to myself about how easy you were as I beat it up.


Niggas, listen closely, im a real bitch...” one I'm not a nigga, two you already lost me due to your ignorant language.


But what would the world do with out you...the Facebook Hoe...After all, you keep some of my good friends who are photographers and digital artists in business as well as provide me after work amusement. I think if I could keep yall I would. Because you are the mascots of the world. You parade around the sidelines and no one cares but the kids with no friends or the other FBH's who want to take pics with beer in had for their next profile pic.



s0 HeRe$ 2 U...tHe F@cEBoOk H0E!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

You know you're a hoe if...

Some serious, some hilarious but all true.

If you find yourself in 3 or more of these categories... You may need to take a look inside...



You slept with me the first night you met me...


You answer my post 2am texts...


You can't hold your “Drunk” ass up...so you decide to lean on mine...


You're a chapter favorite...


You pay for my gas and food in exchange for company....(think about it)


Your walk to class is a statistical analysis...


You slept with me the first night you met me...


Movies aren't for watching...


You get upset when he doesn't call after a drunken night and then realize “story of my life”...


You're in denial of your hoe-dom...


Your girls have to run hook up patrol on you...


Your vagina is just disappointed in you...


You cried over Juicy Campus...


Your shirt got more fabric than your pants...


You friended me on facebook and didn't know me from shit...


Your number exceeds the jersey number of the last athlete you slept with +10...


You have kids to collect child support...


You feel the need to argue the double standard of men to women EVERYTIME it comes up...


Your gyno refers to you as their best customer...


You slept with me the first night you met me...


Your facebook status tells on you constantly...


Kristen S...


You're a sophomore making freshman mistakes...


“Don't worry, thats regular, just keep going”...


You self admit to being a hoe...


Stories of your sexual practices migrate across great distances and stand the test of time...


Your insecurities make sex the only answer...


We caught you in the freshman football locker room giving head to two of out team mates...


The gum is still there...


There is no such thing as the friend zone...


All your friends can do is shrug when asked about you...


Your vagina has no scruples...


You've slept with your friends boyfriend or romantic interest...


You slept with your friends boyfriend or romantic interest after he came after you...


You've messed with an unfathomable number of men...


You slept with me the first night I met you...



But hoes need love to, thats why this post is dedicated to all of you all, no matter what your number, be it big or small. Heres to you, the common hoe. CHEERS!



Much Love to you and yours

@Dead Mike