Sunday, January 3, 2010

single black women

today's topic: single black women

judging from the video, the main problem these women have is finding a man committed to being with only them. because they all are attractive women, they are able to easily find a man to date. however, your attractiveness does not guarantee that you will find success in the dating game nor does it mean you are marriage material. so, how can we fix this issue of the single black woman, and more importantly, how does this affect the professional black man. i have comprised a list of points that i think will help single black women find a partner.

1. have realistic expectations: steve harvey made this point in the video; however, the examples he used, i don't agree with. i believe women who have achieved success in their respective professional fields should seek a man who has the same status. if they are not able to find that man, they shouldn't settle. you want someone on your level. because as soon as you compromise this, you begin to take your partner for granted. regardless of how good they are to you, you will feel as though they are easily replaceable because they are not on your level....if you make $150k, your man doesn't have to make as much or more, but he does need to have a salary near least $100k....also, be upfront with your potential mate. if you want a committed relationship, don't be afraid to say that. i am a big advocate on saying what you want. these ladies said they have not been in a committed relationship in many years. this is a good thing. mainly, because they are not settling and wasting their time. however, they should realize that the older you are, the fewer bargaining chips you have. so instead of settling, they need to narrow down exactly what it is they expect and need. remember, compromising with yourself is key...which leads to #2.

2. wants vs. needs: having a list of 50 things you want is not a realistic expectation. you are looking for a mate, not buying a house. as you get older, certain things in life become more important. for example, i like a woman with a nice ass. however, i've realized the older i get, the more trivial that want will become. very few women have the "head-rest ass" in their 50's. this is not me settling, this is just me being realistic....the chemist, who by the way, is the finest in the group, stated she wanted a man 6'5. as she got older and more experienced in the dating game, she realized that "need" was really a want. the man's height has nothing to do with how well he will treat her, his financial stability, nor his love for her. granted, you don't want anyone 5'8, but she realized eye-level was now more important than a tall my opinion, your needs are things that are pertinent to your future with your partner. your wants are instant gratifications or things that can easily be modified. the needs i have, combined with my woman's needs, will build a life for ourselves, and our children (waaaaaay down the line)....the main point i want to stress here is not having a checklist for a potential mate, it's something most productive men can easily recognize and is an instant turnoff.

3. black men vs. white men: the main reason why i believe this is an issue is because how differently black men & women are attracted to other races....when a black man is looking for a woman, he looks at the full menu. he does not stop short with black women. he looks for an attractive woman, period.... now, i've seen some black men with some fugly white girls, and that is one of the main downsides to why black women dislike interracial dating. the mentality, shared by many black women, is "if you are going to date a white women, she has to be extremely gorgeous...she can not be average." in my opinion, i think black women will find more success in the dating game if they were more open to dating outside their race. of course people have their preferences, but saying i want to exclusively date one race does limit you. it has nothing to do with someone being on your level, it has everything to do with keeping your options open.

4. don't date older men: that is just bullshit. there are plenty of productive young males in society who are eligible for relationships. don't be lazy, seek out what you want. if you want a church-going man, go to church. if you are looking for a socialite, go the clubs. just remember, you are what you attract. so do not complain about constantly attracting men who are no good. maybe it's time to look in the mirror, and figure out why you attracting the same type of men.

5. don't appear desperate: granted, these women will all have male prospects since this segment has aired....but they look desperate in discussing this issue. the desperation look occurred in describing the plight of the "bg's'.......ladies, keep your confidence up. if you know you are a good catch, don't complain and have self-pity. realize the reality of the situation, and find a way to not become a statistic.

the bottom line: i think all of these women have a lot to offer to a potential mate. they have their own lives, they are attractive, and they seem like good women; but, there has to come a time when you look in the mirror and ask yourself why am i single. i'm not saying it's their fault, maybe it is...maybe it isn't, but there are obvious questions there that need answering...especially if you are attractive. maybe it's where you live, your personality, your hygiene, your job, or your conversation skills....either way, i suggest all single black women ask their productive black male friends, they are close to, ask them why you are single. a good man is always prepared to give their single female friends the truth.

hopefully this was helpful. thank you for reading our blog, and if there is ever another topic you would like us to discuss, do not hesitate to let us know. happy new year....peace


ImAnonymous said...

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head, but one other thing that wasn't brought up (neither in the video nor in your post) was the fact that this is a problem for women in younger generations in general, not just Black women. Maybe another issue is the fact that women tend to wait longer before wanting to settle down due to the increased focus on establishing successful careers, so by the time they are ready, their selections have narrowed. I don't know, just a thought . . ..

And when did Steve Harvey become a relationship expert? I must've missed that part of the '00s . . ..

Bob George said...

this was a great comment. although i definitely see your point, i think it is a mixture of wanting to establish a successful career & the availability/selection of men in their cities....thanks for the topic.

steve harvey is just hustlin. he took off his shirt & "hair-hat" and become a relationship guru....