Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Today's Random Thoughts (Includes my list of Kimmy indicators.)

Here are some random things I've thought about or have been wondering due to some recent events... Maybe I'll turn one or two of them into full blown posts later to explain the train of thought., if Lil' Wayne  or Chris Brown punches you in the face in front of all your boys would you take it like a bitch and fall hoping to make money, or whoop his ass? I got pride, I would make the wrong decision.

~I know everyone on Facebook is getting married, but to all the chicks who are just eager to find a husband, relax. When a dude smells that on you, they can play you like a fool.

~I hate when its dark when you get to work and dark when you leave this time of year. Its especially bad if your building has no windows.

~I'm pretty sure I cut off my co-worker Brian hardcore on my way to work this morning. Like swerve into the median almost cut off.  He's usually cool with me, but today he's acting shady. How many 1998 gold Maxima's with Maryland plates are there?

~Don't look for me on November 15th. PS4 arrives. I will emerge from my dark hole two weeks later only to eat turkey, mac and cheese and greens. I will then disappear again until my birthday.

~I miss video stores like Blockbuster. At least you could drop your movie in the box and leave. I hate when people see you're just trying to return one at the Redbox and they take 10 minutes to decide on a title. Rude.

~I don't get Instagram. It seems like a narcissist's dream. I recently learned the term "thirst trap". WTF.

~I also don't get Vine. I get that sometimes they can be funny, but mostly people just look like fools and when Terrio gets older, he's gonna loathe those videos. Vine is a fad. It will die soon I hope.

~I still can't believe Breaking Bad is done. Homeland is now the best show on TV and I'm still trying to watch Scandal. Sorry Jonny, shit ain't that amazing.

~If its your birthday and I notice it on Facebook and I know you didn't write on my wall for mine, I will not write on yours. I'm just not that nice. If you did write on mine, I'm sorry I missed yours.

~I have to agree with Bob George and online dating. No lie, 93% of the girls who hit me up on there look like the second chick in your post. Also, most of the chicks online are strange and usually have strange sexual requests/tendencies. I'll stop there.

~If I see someone in black face on Halloween, I will call them the N-word. I will then try to dap them up. If they can't dap me up naturally, I will get extremely offended, start a fight and feel justified in beating them up. I think this strategy will deter them from doing this again. Its like a "black test" and they will realize its too risky to be offensive. These tests include dapping up correctly and naturally.

~I wish Optimus Negro well in grad school, but that dude needs to come back on the blog soon. I need that weird nerdy shit he talks about back in my life.

~For ten million dollar$, would you rather flip the switch on the electric chair for a known terrorist or a serial rapist?

~If you won the lottery, who would you give money? Those are your friends, everyone else is not.

~"Megatron" and "Dez Bryant" really don't  belong in the same sentence. 

~My CrossFit total is currently 1065lbs. I'm happy.

~We been talking about doing a podcast for over three months. I don't think its gonna happen because we're super lazy.

~I date a Kimmy, so I guess I have a few more indicators to go along with Jonny.
*If she doesn't mind pitbulls
*If she hates the New England Patriots she's a Kimmy because they usually don't have that many black players. Inversely, if a black chick likes the Pats, she loves white dudes.
*If you remember her in high school (or presently I guess) and she's worn jeans with no back pockets.
*If she smokes Newports.
*If she orders liquor at the bar she is most likely a Kimmy. If she orders brown liquor though, she most definitely is a Kimmy.
*If she was in any of those multicultural groups in college.*If her shoe size is greater than a 9.
*If you ever see a girl in a bar singing every word to a Ja Rule, DMX or Michael Jackson song she's a Kimmy. Will Smith songs don't count.
*She watches Scandal.
*She knows what mumbo sauce is.
*If she gets excited when Back that Azz comes on. Jump on it. She probably can't dance for shit, but she's a Kimmy.

~There are also tests to tell if a black dude is down with white girls. Point to a black dude. You're done and you win. He's down.

~Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike! Guess what day it is?! HUMP DAAAAAAAY!

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