Yes ladies and gentleman I am a Geek. But not just any kind of Geek. Nope, I am in that dweeb category. We’re a step below the WOWers (those fuckers are losers), but in the same category as the people who can recite the Empire Strikes Back...backwards, and who read the Lord of the Rings…three times….before the movie was even thought of. *sigh* However, being a nerd is becoming more of an accepted thing in black culture. Hip hop is filled with openly out Geeks now, rapping about anime and comic books (there’s even a Final Fantasy concept album…yeah its going to be as cool as it sounds). We got vampires, and wizards, and musicals, and Lupe Fiasco…all letting people know that it’s okay to be a Geek, to be a nerd even. So as the nerd population increases, so do their dating prospects. Well, we at 5ivebruhs have decided to put together 8 rules that every Black Geek needs to know when it comes to dating. (These may or may not have come from experience).
1. No matter what, playing video games around your girl is a sure fire way to keep the panties on. And if you’re playing an MMO, well you can kiss sex goodbye. There is no better aphrodisiac then storming the Lich King’s kingdom with your online friends (sarcasm).
2. Do not take relationship advice from Star Wars. If your woman says: “I love you”, you cannot counter with “I know”. She will never say it again, and you will probably get your dick frozen in carbonite (see what I did there).
3. At least pretend to like her music. Yes I know you’re totally into some strange band from Greenwich Village. And it has a neo-80s/grunge/blues sound with electronica strings and a guitarist that copies Clapton exactly. But if you listen to it all the time your girl is going to start bringing her I-pod on car trips, and start ignoring you.
4. Nerds do not make good wing men. Especially high/drunk nerds who just saw Black Swan. All they will want to do is talk about Mila Kunis, and that amazing lesbian scene. Did I say Mila Kunis and a lesbian sex scene? Just making sure everyone got that.
5. Your women will not dress up like Wonder Woman, Strom, or Tifa. Sorry man, let that fantasy die.
6. I’ve only known of one instance where wearing a comic book t-shirt was a good idea when meeting parents. Every other time has been greeted with stares, and ill opinions of who their daughter is dating.
7. Black geeks love Marvel, and despise DC (like they do republicans). Under no circumstances admit to preferring DC over Marvel in the company of African Americans. If you do you will look more awkward then Michael Steele at a Nation of Islam convention. You can, however talk excessively about Batman. We seem to love Batman.
8. Lastly remember this age old quote: “to your own self be true”. Yes this negates everything I’ve written up to this point, but bear with me. We joke, but at the end of the day your going to be ultimately stuck with yourself. Your DC loving, MMO playing, Star Wars quoting, awkward self. Trying to be anything else will just make it worst. So embrace it. Its okay to watch Dragon ball Z when your 25, just know when to turn it off.
….Even Michael Steele is true to himself. He just happens to be a douche.