Thursday, January 27, 2011

So Ambitious

Have you ever been to a point to where your ambition gets the best of you?  I’ve recently come to this point.  I have a good job, my own spot, my own car and my future is bright, but a nigga wants more.  Its weird because I’ve always dreamed of getting to a point where I can look around and be like, “Man, you’ve done alright for yourself.”  I’m pretty much at that point.  And I know I’m young and have a lot more ahead of me. But still I gotta ask, what’s next?

I know I don’t have the fanciest life or anything like that, but what I do have is a solid foundation.  I have promise.  And I know you might be thinking, “what the hell is wrong with him cuz he seems to have shit in order?”, but the simple answer is… hell if I know.  We’re told by society and our families and parents to be driven to achieve more than they did, yadda yadda. But once I do get there, what do I do next?  Do I just make up another goal?  And what about once I get there, do I make yet another goal?  If this is the case when can I ever be satisfied with my accomplishments if I always want more? When can I ever be happy? 

I was told once by someone who was really close to me at one point, “you’re never satisfied”.  I joked it off and kept it moving.  But now that I think about it, is that a good thing or a bad thing?  That means that I am not the type to settle for whatever life may hand me, but it also means that it will be difficult to accept my own accomplishments as enough.

This term, for me, has be coined “the quarter life crisis”.  No, I’m not all depressed and such, but I have been prone to a funk or two every now and then.  Let me break down the thought process for you on how a funk is developed from a quarter life crisis…

1.    1.  I just want to be happy and achieve?
2.    2.  What is it going to take to make me happy?
3.    3.  I can’t figure out what exactly I need to make me happy.
4.   4.  I feel like I’m wasting my younger years by not knowing what is going to make me happy.
5.    5.  And now I thinking about the fact that I am now actually wasting my time because I’m thinking about thinking…. And the cycle continues.

I just want what I want to make me happy and I don’t want to have to figure out what I want.  I just want it.  Can anyone relate?  I take it most of the readers of this blog are in my age range and have come to or will come to a point where you begin to wonder where is the next step.  You may be employed somewhere where there are people who have been in the same position for 20 years, like me, and you say, “Aw hell nah! That aint bout to be me!”   My question for you is, do you think they planned on being there or did they just become content?  See I think that is what I fear is the thought of being content, not being truly happy.  I don’t really know where I was going with this article, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there.  So I will leave you with what I have figured out about overcoming the quarter life crisis…

You have to outline what will make you happy even if you can’t pin point it. You have to quell your ambition just long enough to realize that at some point you will just have to realize that you are happy with what you’ve done.  The structure of what will make you happy is shaped around a few pillars.  There is the WHO pillar, the WHERE pillar and the WHAT pillar.  The who is simple.  What persons are involved in your life.  Friends, family, wifey, kids etc.  The whole nine.  Then you have to figure out where.  This is not the geographical type of where but the “at what point in my life” type of where.  Where will a kid and a wife fit in?  Where will I be able to switch jobs?  At what point do you want to be the old nigga with a weekly routine that consists of getting your car washed every Wednesday morning on the way to do water aerobics at the Y. When will I get into a routine?  And finally, the what portion.  WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?  That’s the part I’m struggling with and will probably continue to do so for a while because I’m just too ambitious to settle on any one idea. 
If you got nothing from this blog, that’s cool. You know why? Cuz it aint for you.  It is what it is.

Maybe I wrote this bc I always seem to get in a funk around my birthday… buy me something on February 1st.  I’ll be your best friend. If not we can still be chill.

P!ed P!per

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