Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Originally I was going to name this article "hook-up woes" but as i started writing it I realized that the title I gave it doesn't really match the tone or the message of the article. I just hope that you don't end up lost by the end.

This is article is about me and my dealings with females over the years which has brought me ultimately to where I am now..Completely Lost.. This is coming from me. I know women. I have my whole life. I honestly don't know how this happened to God played a joke on me. He gave me 3 sisters, all of my non college friends are girls, and out of 5 cousins only 1 of them is male. I know women. Ive been surrounded by stories of cheating men and failed relationships. Listened in on countless convos laced with constant complaining about the irreparable immaturity of all men since i was a boy. At first this made me want to be the perfect guy. The guy I thought all girls wanted. I wanted to be reliable and smart, witty and appreciative, caring and a good listener etc. That mentality backfired on me big time. This kept me in the dreaded friend zone a place where I hated to be but felt like it would benefit me in the long run. Another backfire. All of these failed attempts to figure out what girls really wanted from a guy caused me to become very cynical about relationships. Through college in my group of "bruhs" I was the quintessential single guy and I wasn't budging any time soon. Most of my male friends had been in multiple (failed) relationships which in essence was my first argument against it. I figured whats the point if its just gonna end anyway. My second argument was that I felt that once I figured girls out I could get everything a man needs from a girl without dating her. So began my quest to figure out first how to get women to think of me as more than just a friend and then to get whatever I wanted from them on my own terms. It took some time, but I figured it out. And as some people say, "its not about the destination its about the journey" so come with me as i bring you on a trip down memory lane. A year by year assessment and analyzation of my college experience with girls save the graphic details and embarassing stories.

Take a look at 05/06 Jonny

Clearly this guy has a serious case of "I dont know who I am" a very common issue among college students. Look at him, Posing for the camera thinking hes cool. This guy got little to no action. Why? Because he cared too much about feelings and shit. He was clasping to his previous good guy image thinkin that was gonna work in college. WTF was he thinking!?!?

06/07 Jonny

This guy has a boost of confidence and some new found male friends. Finally a male perspective for him to glean from. This helped. Things are starting to heat up for him but not with the success he would have liked. This was his problem. He used to come at girls with no plan. He winged it every time. Wingin it works every once and awhile but this dude used to wing it every time hoping to receive the same results. I dont work like that dog. You got some learning to do.

07/08 Jonny

This guy is coming into his own. Finally figuring himself out. This time hes coming at girls with a plan. Things with girls have gotten easier now. He no longer is winging it. He knows whats gonna work. This guy hit some high points this academic year. I think the only problem with this Jonny is that he liked to play with girls hearts a lttle bit too much. He thought it was fun at the time then he would feel really bad later. It can't work like that. This is never a way to live. You gotta care or not care at all. Anything in the middle and you'll go crazy. And he did. In spite of this , in retrospect this would have been the perfect year for him to try the relationship thing. he would been a good boyfriend here. Too bad. But it was cool because getting girls was getting even easier. He was amazed at the things he could say and it still worked. He came to the conclusion that it almost didnt matter what you say thats right as long as you dont say the wrong thing. What a realization.

08/09 Jonny

This guy knows he has finally caught up with himself. He wasnt trying to be grown up...he was. This guy had accepted everything good and bad about himself and this brought the confidence to another level. Not to mention he knew he was about to leave college pretty soon. It was time to cut things from the bucket list. It was a glorious year. This guy would never have gotten in a relationship for the simple fact that it would disrupt this impressive run he was on. This year brought some of the most fun, most bizzare and some of the most efficiently executed schemes having to do with girls. Dated occasionly and never seriously. Hooked up with who he wanted when he wanted and for whatever length of time he chose. He finally got what he wanted: any and every interaction with girls happened on his time. It only took him 4 years to figure it out. And with a bachelors degree and a jubilant walk across the stage, it all came to an end.

This is me a couple months ago. I look confused dont I? I am. I thought I had it all figured out but i learned quickly that college is a great place to learn somethings but there's so much more to learn...even about myself. Like how an I going to act when I get in a relationship. I am still a little cynical about the idea but I accept that relationship failure is apart of life and its more about getting practice at this point. I can go through some bust downs and then move onto the the upper "enchalon" hos...(that was a joke..but serious though) Im seeing now that the real world is a whole other ball game and I dont have a game plan when it comes to women. But its all good I guess I did it to myself. If you've ever seen the movie "No Country for Old Men" the main character Tommy Lee Jones at the end of the movie goes on this long monologue about how one phase of his life has come to an end and now its time to move on not knowing what the future will hold. Then the movie just ends abruptly....yeah.

1 comment:

ELA Exclusive said...

Oh life ... it's just one huge practical joke isn't it?!?!