The Run and Gun…
This is the one night stand. The Miami Dolphins “Spread” offense. The wildcat formation is you, and you’re about to be exploited. This is the “she ain’t that cute, so I’ma pump and scoot” maneuver. Ladies, if you met a guy and had sex with him within a week, or a night, and he don’t call you or want to talk to you anymore, you are on his “Nut Mantle”. There’s a lil dirty sock under his balls with your name on it, just in time for the holidays. He used you to get off, but when he see you in public he turns his head and cough. He mighta been drunk, mighta not. Chances are he was, but if he wasn’t you should feel extra bad. Don’t give it up that easy and expect me to want anything else but the bunz. Hell I’ve had a few repeat offenders that I ONLY called when I was drunk, but they still didn't get it. Some girls need this attention, I feel bad for them. I also said I would never be that nigga that had sex at random, but hell I felt I needed to enjoy college. If a dude don’t invite you anywhere but to bed then ur a real-life blow up doll, and I’m sorry. If you’re getting offended, maybe… nvm. You know why you’re offended. Guys don’t give a shit about this girl. If she was cute and the bunz were good and she gotta dope personality he would pursue something beyond the booty. But if you givin it up freely you get your just deserts.
This sex is usually rough and quick. Lots of silence and panting, followed by an excuse to leave and an awkward dressing session afterwards. The nigga will laugh to himself as he leaves a job well done. One time I used Jonny Cassanova to call me after I txted him a code word. He then called and pretended to be blackout drunk and bitch about me giving him a ride home. Truth was he was at home already. Perfectly executed. I turned the phones volume up just enough so the chick could hear his fake “drunk ass” so she believed it was authentic. Love you my nigga. The dude ain’t really trying to impress you, he wants to get it over with and go to bed. This may last all of 15 mins (if that) and he prolly thinking about another chick to expedite the process. The position is also important. Missionary is the most intimate of all the positions. And if he’s in that position and never leans in to kiss you then you know what’s up. And if guys only do it from the back w/ you maybe you should reconsider your life decisions. Also ladies, look at the guy at some points during sex, if you NEVER see him looking at you or he looks away mad quick then you know he’s bout to “Skeet and Skidattle”-Bob George. So remember, if a guy is drunk and wanna erupt, and you not cute he’s gonna fuck. These chicks come a dime a dozen, replacements to infinity and beyond. (Sad)
Let’s be Cordial…
This is simple. This is sex between friends. This section will be short. If you chill on a consistent basis and the furthest you go is sex and you never go on dates, you’re a fuck buddy. This isn’t horrible, as long as both parties understand the relationship. Nothing worse than your fuck buddy not knowing what she is. Then her consistently telling you how much she likes you and wants to date you. That shit annoys me, I don’t know if I want another fuck buddy ever. I do believe a dude should make sure that the chick is compatible with him in bed before dating her, but if he’s still test driving that car to work a week later, wise up. The more you do it, the chances are the girl will attempt to catch feelings. Ladies, you ever wonder why a guy you’re fucking treats you good one minute and then bad the next? It’s cuz he wants you to be a fuck buddy. He wants to be nice enough to keep you as his friend, but mean enough to let you know things ain’t going past the headboard and footboard. You’re fuck buddies. You serve a vital role.
Sex in this type of relationship usually middle of the road. He tries to impress cuz he cares what you think about him, and wants you to want it again. He will look at you occasionally, but kissing can be awkward or used strictly during sex. The ending of this can be scary. Both parties can be left to wonder if the other one is feeling them beyond the fucking stage. This is a valuable tool when the parties are on one accord. Can be easily replaced if you play your cards right.
Turn on that Jodeci…
Love makin’. “Yeah buddy rollin like a big shot!” It takes a special chick to bring a dude to this point. This is where the dude can look at the chick during sex and appreciate her for all that she is. This is where sex is just another element in which you put your love on display for her. For a guy at this point, the objectives of sex shift a little bit. The number one objective for a guy who is making love is to let his girl know she is a woman worthy of having his all. Hell, a woman can have sex with a guy she loves, and he be horrible and she still be ok and still love him. He also has the strong desire to make sure she is pleased. If a dude takes the time to make sure you are comfortable then you got a winner. Also, good guys finish last; a dude making love tries his damndest to make this phrase a reality. Girls will know when a guy makes love because when you’re done “doing the do” he’ll not be in a rush to get washed up.
Sex like this, to me, is the best. It encompasses all the other types of “relationships” and adds another element. You get to enjoy the PERSON, not just the poontang. You like this female beyond the friend and beyond the fuck buddy and beyond the “wham bam thank you ma’am”. For a dude, we will have sex in any position with this special chick, but missionary is definitely on the list, why? Cuz we wanna connect with her, we wanna look at her, we wanna kiss her and more than anything we wanna see her and know that she appreciates you bringing it the best you can. She appreciates it. We love it. If he wants music, or wants you to wear something special then you’re about to make love. (Well as long as he doesn’t put on some Uncle Luke song). Ladies, make a dude make love to you it’s a much better experience.
L’Chaim… P!ed P!per