Have you ever sat down and thought about all of the things that annoy you? What you haven’t? Well I did today at the Gym (in-between glancing at the attractive soccer mothers on the treadmills) and I was amazed at how I am a terrible person and just how long and random the list is. Take a look:
Snuggies: I can’t stand these damn things and I do not know why. Actually I do know; they look creepy and sinister. Sure these abominations may be comfortable and useful but they look far too much like the robes that cults wear. What annoys me even more is how popular they have become, in fact I bet someone reading this right now is wearing one. Probably one of the zebra print ones.
Those I’m a Mac commercials: These commercials started out fairly clever and funny, but now they have begun to annoy me every time I see them or hear that annoying song that plays in the background. I have no personal issues or qualms with Apple Computers although I think they are overpriced. I know they are very nice to use and I would not mind owning one. I suppose my issues with the commercials are just the fact that they feel sort of like a lie. I know the facts and statistics they use are probably true, but I can’t help but feel that PC’s must be doing something right, as they are still the dominant standard. Also the “Mac Guy” looks like a bit of a douche bag.
Handymen: Everyone has that friend who can do anything no matter how big or small. Honestly I respect people who have the ability and skill to do things like: Build a deck, frame a door, and change a timing belt in one afternoon. My annoyance comes from the fact that when you talk to one of these guys you feel less and less adequate as a man. It’s hard to feel that masculine when his 'to do' list for the weekend includes building a garage and yours includes changing a light bulb. I also know that handy men take great pride in being able to do things around the house that guys like me cannot, and they probably save a bundle by doing it themselves. You smug assholes.
People who get everything cheaper than you do: Look no one likes overpaying on anything, but it does happen from time to time. Sometimes you want that new shiny item now and don’t feel like waiting for a sale to come around. There are however the Die-Hards, those people who get everything cheap, they find coupons, super secret sales, and insider discounts on everything they buy. They also love knowing they got a better deal than you did. How do I know this? Because they ask: “hey don’t mean to be rude but how much did you get that for?” What they want really know is how much did you overpay in comparison to them. There is nothing wrong with saving a bit of money whenever you can, but don’t make me feel stupid in the process.
Angry Drivers: Everyone probably knows one or two angry drivers, or maybe you are one. You know, the sort of people who shout when someone doesn’t use their turn signal, or get cut off slightly. First off these people probably think they are the best drivers in the world and get upset that everyone else is seemingly incapable of operating a vehicle as well as they can. Secondly riding with a driver who gets angry with every other person on the road is awkward as hell, because deep down inside I really just want to tell you to shut up and relax, but that would be rude.
“It’s Whatever.”: Our generation has had a profound effect on the English language and vocabulary. Words or phrases such as Like, fail, and hot have taken new meanings and many new phrases have become commonplace. The one phrase I cannot stand among them is saying “It’s Whatever” when some is indifferent about something. Saying “It’s Whatever” just has this sense of rudeness and passive aggressiveness that drives me mad. Also when someone says “It’s Whatever” they probably are not indifferent at all but are simply not interested in discussing the topic any further. It’s sort of like when a woman tells you that nothing is wrong, when clearly something is wrong. Bullshit I say!
Being told to ‘Man up’: Usually this happens when someone is emotional, or going through a tough time. Instead of offering this someone a bit of sympathy and understanding, many men simply like to tell their buddies to ‘Man up’. Hearing this makes me absolutely livid, especially when I sought help or assistance from someone and all they offer back is ‘Man up’. How is you emasculating me supposed to make me feel any better? And also why does someone need to ‘Man up’? What is wrong with showing a bit of emotion from time to time, especially when the situation is an emotional one? With advice like ‘man up’ it’s no wonder so few black men with depression refuse to seek help. No one wants to look like a punk, and therapy is for punks and people who didn’t ‘man up’.
All right now for some quick fire annoyances:
The Oakland Raiders
The fact that every waiting room has fox news on
That month when black people said “It’s a recession”
When people use good instead of well: “We played good.” That’s wrong. You should say: “We played well.”
Playing the race card: I personally feel bad when I realize that my skin color has either put me at an advantage or a disadvantage. I like being judged on my actions and abilities and not what my race has determined.