Sunday, December 20, 2009

asshole

today's topic: assholes

as we close 2009, it has been a year of highs and lows in pop culture. the lows have been courtesy of a few special assholes. some should be slapped, some imprisoned, and some stoned. without further ado, i present to you the top 10 assholes of 2009. (in order)... but first: bob george's man of the year.

man of the year: capt. chesley "sully" sullenberger - i will never get tired of seeing or hearing his story in the media. as a frequent flyer, i can only imagine how frightening an experience it must have been for the people on 1549. he saved 155 lives....that is way more important than a wannabe reality show celebrity, a kardashian story, or any other media generated scandal the pop culture machine has to offer. capt. sully represents the best in the human spirit and is a true hero.


now.... on to the foolishness.


10. adam lambert - somebody please wake me up when his 15 minutes of fame is done. why is he famous for being gay? what the hell? at the american music awards, he tongue kissed a dude. televisions all over the country changed the channel. people sending in letters writing complaints. the FCC hadn't had this much of a problem since janet jackson's titty said hello... adam lambert needs an ass whuppin’. not for being gay, but for forcing that shit during his performance. his performance was ass. he started doing overtly sexual antics, to make up for his lack of performing skills.


9. lil’ mama - why in the fuckety fuck was she on stage with jay-z? i can't name one lil’ mama record other than "my lip gloss is poppin"....jay-z and alicia keys are in the middle of a good show, when lil mama ignores beyonce's wish and goes on stage to represent for the idiots in the music industry. she thought it would be "all love", "acceptable", "a good look for NY" if she was on stage...she was wrong. she became a parody in the process and ruined what was left of her lil’ career.


8. shaq - we saw two sides of the "playa" spectrum among professional athletes in 2009. shaq, a real playa, got caught sleeping with gilbert arenas fiancée. shaq already has a wife and five kids. i do not condone cheating on your spouse. however, if you do cheat, go all out like shaq. he's scoring on both sides. although this wasn't the first time he's cheated, this was the last straw for shaunie o'neal...she took the kids and moved to LA. she's filing for divorce....go be with your family shaq, ho's come and go.


7. tiger woods - the other side of the game was tiger woods. i can honestly say, tiger woods is not a playa. once again, i do not condone cheating on your spouse. however, if you are worth over a billion dollars and you only fuck 14 girls in 5 years, that's just sad. he probably loved all of his bitches, with all his heart...he's an asshole for failing to properly cheat. you don't fuck perkins waitresses and various other bustdown bitches, you fuck hollywood bitches because they know the code....when you are famous, and you have sex with women who have nothing to lose and everything to gain from putting your business in the streets, you will always lose....tiger, stick to playing golf and ask shaq to let you borrow some bitches.

6. joe wilson - president obama is making a speech on television. senator joe wilson of sc interrupts the speech, and says "you lie" in response to obama stating health reform would not insure illegal immigrants....first off all, who the fuck is joe wilson to challenge anything president obama has to say? secondly, it's outright disrespect to interrupt the president while he's addressing the nation. he needs his ass whupped for that...although i thought it was funny, i didn't like it last year when the iraqi journalist threw a shoe at w. bush...its disrespect. regardless of how you feel about their policies or personalities, if you live in the usa, he's your president. have some respect, bitch.




5. the balloon boy - i'm at work. earning my pay check. being a diligent corporate employee. my co-workers tell me to go to cnn.com and read this unbelievable bullshit story. there is a 6 yr. old named falcon henne stuck in a hot air balloon in colorado....i instantly thought, white person....then i knew this story was false when i saw how the balloon was turning. it would easily toss that little fucker out....sure enough, while on live tv little falcon states the family did this for "a show"....another publicity stunt by a wannabe celebrity in america.

4. kanye west - he needs a taylor swift kick in the ass. granted, she is more famous after the incident, but still....his punkass knows better. his drunk ass crashed the stage and blathered some dumb shit about beyonce's video being one of the best off all time. he looked like a fool © ife....crop circles and all....he's laying low now, which is the right thing to do because he lost a lot of cool points by acting like an asshole. that night was supposed to be about michael jackson. instead, on the cover of every major publication the next day, his drunk ass is on stage grabbing the microphone from a little white girl. your publicity seeking ass got what you wanted. now, make your music and shut the fuck up.

3. tareq and michaele salahi - they need a secret service ass whuppin...how the fuck you sneak into a dinner at the white house, take pictures with the president, and then post the photos on facebook. i'm tired of all these wanna be celebrities in america actin' an ass. enough is a fuckin 'nuff....how did they get through clearance? where's the security? where are the necessary arrests that need to be made? this isn't some random college party you crashed. this is the leader of the nation, the most powerful man alive. you crash his party and nobody goes to jail? nobody gets fired? SOMEBODY got to go to jail...it's that simple. they need to be stoned for puttin the security of barack obama in danger.

2. chris brown - i didn't know chris brown had it in him...his name now is synonymous with woman beating. he received his punishment through court, and every chance he gets, he apologizes to rihanna. we get the point nigga...although i don't like how she decided to talk about the situation when she started promoting her album, i'll let it slide. only because he shouldn't have hit her...according to tmz, she hit him first in the car and he snapped. he then hit her as he drove. if a woman hits you, just leave her and don't put yourself in a situation to catch a case.....tmz is efficient. i'm keeping my dirt on the low. tmz will find you out


1. conrad murray - this nigga here....when you kill michael jackson, you are public enemy #1. i hope he gets a prison sentence, and gets anally assaulted for every day of his sentence. he gave michael jackson an excess of propofol. that shit doesn't even sound helpful...and, the muthafucka didn't call the cops for 45 minutes after he found out jackson was unconscious. murray's going to jail.... how the fuck you kill michael jackson? i still can't believe he's dead.


merry christmas to everyone who reads our blog. i love you all.....bitches.

5 comments:

LuvliLadi said...

Um...you know my other comments already...but um, who you calling a bitch? lol..for real holmes

Wistopher said...

LMAO first of all, Merry Xmas to the 5iveBruhs brethren. Secondly, the ENTIRE paragraph about Conrad Murray is some of the best blogging i've read in awhile. finally, that JPEG of Prince doing the splits is effing HILARITY!

i'll be going to see Avatar while i'm off work.

CtotheB said...

Bah Humbug to Conrad Murray. He is my least favorite person on earth.

LOL @ Kanye's crop circles.

A toast to 5ivebruhs, merry Christmas!

Cheri said...

Good sir-
Smh at some of this...but once again, the paragraph on Dr. Murray...you don't kill Michael Jackson and get away with it as far as I'm concerned.

To be fair to Adam Lambert tho, he can sing....maybe he's not the best performer but he CAN sing.

Merry Christmas boys!

<3

Cheri

Cheri said...

And Chris Brown?

I was deeply deeply in love, and he had to go and ruin it. Eff you man.