Monday, July 8, 2013

The Hip Hop Happy Meal

Upon listening to J Cole, and Wale’s new album, I find myself getting increasingly frustrated with mainstream hip-hop artists these days. Hip Hop has fallen into a value menu kind of production, where you look at an artist album list and you find yourself able to tell what a song is about based on title and whose featured. What’s even more bitchass about this problem is even the beats are predictable. It’s like going to McDonald's and selecting a value menu. You know exactly how much it will be, how it will taste, and even essentially what it will look like. You don’t go to McDonald's for variety, but the same old shit. And just like McDonald's, these Value Menu flows are unhealthy to the art. These artist stay in their lane, get their checks and pump out the same recycled Starbucks raps that you can find on any one of their features.


$3.99 The Nicki Minaj Ass Clap

“Hey I got Nicki Minaj on a verse.” “Oh Word.” “Yep, Guess what’s the song about.” “Ummm deep resonating story of how you escape poverty?" “Nope.” “Hard in the paint flow, where both of you use words in new and interesting ways?” “Nah nigga.” “ASS ASS ASS?” “Hell Yeah, how you know?”

$5.00 High Ass a Kite Khalifa

Wiz takes the best of the Pharcycde, whittles it down too only their smoking references, takes out all the humor and wonderful word play, lights a blunt himself, forgets what the song was about in the first place, lights another blunt, says Taylor Gang a couple times, lights a third blunt, naps, and then lays 16 bars of pure garbage.

$7.99 Rick Rosay Super Size

B.I.G and Jay perfected the God Father rap. Rick Ross made it a cliché.

$6.00 Gisfucthekjaubaubgibg Wheezy Baby

Half the time I have no idea what this brother is saying. The other half I wish I didn’t.

$8.00 For the Girls Flow

Drake’s one of those artists that is hit or miss for me. Out of anyone on this list, I truly believe Drake is pushing the envelope. He took Kayne’s backpack pour my heart out style of rap, got rid of the black conscious part, and turned it mainstream. Like making a Black Panther movie distributed by Disney. However if you want that song where teenagers can hold each other close at prom, you go to Drake.

$2.00 2 Chainz 2 line Dr. Seuss

Ever notice how 2 chains can only really rap 2 lines at a time. That’s because he can only think 2 lines at a time.

$.99 Jock T-Pain’s entire Image: The Future

 Can't afford Miguel or Chris Brown. Need a tone deaf rapper sing on track so bad even auto tune can't help. Don't want to pay T-Pain. Yep, you got The Future.

100 Pesos Trinidad James’ What The Fuck

I just can’t.

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