Thursday, July 11, 2013

You Black Hipster!


Yeah.  I'm talking to you.  You PBR drinking, flax seed eatin', slim jean wearing, thick glasses having, nappy headed, beard wearing bastard.  I bet you're mad at Macklemore and Ryan Lewis because now "normal" people have flooded your beloved thrift shops and taken the last smedium Bill Cosby sweater huh?  Yeah you classic novel reading, Ted Talk watching, NPR listening, Al Jazeera scrolling, hyper leftist, pseudo intellectual, pseudo socialist ass nigga.  Raise your hand if you know who Reggie Watts is...ha! Put your ashy ass hand down you plaid wearin', farmers market shopping, Charlotte Hornets snap-back havin', Childish Gambino mixtape bumpin', wayfarer wearing piece of shit.  Yeah I bet you like David Lynch movies too and convinced your friends that you "get" them.  I bet you like foreign films huh?  Oh what's that? Its because the foreign versions are always better?? I couldn't hear you over the vinyl version of that obscure ass band you got blasting out of your apt in Seattle?? You coffee shop workin, masters degree havin, to-the-beat-of-your-own-drum marchin ass nigga. I bet you got niggas wondering how you got that hot white girl with that nappy ass head.  How many pairs of sandals you own huh?? Trick question nigga. You denim on denim (and pullin it off) wearin, Naked juice drinking, indie rock lovin, indie tronica loving, avant pop, baroque pop anything but regular pop lovin ass nigga.  You hate sports? All sports?? What kind of man are you, you Obama stannin' Malcolm X stannin' MLK stannin', Michael Eric Dyson stannin', Louis Farrakhan stannin', but Al Sharpton need to sit down sayin ass nigga.  You're a walking anomaly and you love it don't you you Vampire Weekend ticket having ass nigga?  I bet you can't wait to sign the lease on that apt in NoDa/AdMo/BK/Austin/Savannah/Portland.....huh?

Yeah nigga I got your number.  If you're reading this and fall into but 40 percent of the categories and you black, you sir/ma'am are a Black Hipster.  Don't fight it.  You are who you are and there's no denying it.  If you're mad you've been reduced to category/pigeon holed/put in a box and hate the term hipster you just signed your black hipster membership card and the decoder ring is in the mail.  Why can I say this cuz dammit I am one too.  Now laugh with me.

Zoe Kravitz is your dream girl huh nigga?? Mmmmhmmmm



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