Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"Yeah....but I was drunk when I said that"

Alcohol weed etc. All of these are tools/crutches/recreational pastimes that allow you to use the title phrase “Yeah…but I was (insert some form of inebriation here) when I said/did that.” Im gonna touch on alcohol cuz its more common and weed is another article for another day. Guys let me go ahead and tell you, this is a perfectly acceptable excuse/reason for doing some thing to didn’t mean to do saying something you didn’t mean to say and various other things that occur under the influence barring illegal shit cuz they’ll lock you up regardless. But when dealing with people and especially girls you gotta blame the alcohol. Let me just say there have been more than a couple times I have had to blame the alcohol. Don’t judge me. I am not the only one in this. But I will blame the inebriation in a second and stand by the bottle to the death. You may be thinking, "Jonny, how can you get away from using such a bullshit excuse to mask your mistake?" Well Ill tell you why cuz its not a BULLSHIT EXCUSE!!! It is a legitimate if not the most legitimate excuse for doing something you didn’t mean to do. This is why you can get away with it… Because guys will say damn near anything to get what they want sober. When you add alcohol in the mix, you can go ahead and throw personal preference logic and forethought out of the mental equation and you get a man liable to make a big mistake and kick himself in the morning.

Drunk men tell no lies? Are you kidding? Anyone whos told you that either has made a bunch of drunken mistakes and blames themselves or has heard one too many compliments from a drunken person. Drunk men tell many lies…Why? Cuz his ass was drunk what do expect? Don’t get me wrong though drunk men tell the truth too though but these truths have a category. They are called situational truths. For example If I’m twisted in a poorly lit, smoky bar scene and I say to a girl that shes looking good and I wanna get to know her better, I might actually really think that way given the circumstance. This is called a situational truth. In a sober state in a well lit lounge and clear atmosphere I may have actually been looking at OJ Simpson in a halter top. When a guy is faded needless to say he is more inclined to say some off the wall shit.

Here is probably the most common, debated, and ironically enough, most acceptable times to use the aforementioned title phrase. When you hook up with someone drunk:

A lot of girls try to call you out on this but you gotta stand your ground. They’ll say things like “You knew what you was doing!!” and “Don’t try to use that as an excuse!!” Stick to your guns fellas don’t waver you have a perfectly legitimate excuse. Lets face it you win some and you lose some with this one, you may wake up happy and accomplished or you might just wanna ram your head through the window cuz you just realized you hooked up with the last living cave woman on record. If you made the latter mistake, blame it on the alcohol and keep it moving. Its your last defense. You cant have people thinking that you knowingly hook up with chicks that resemble ALF.

Lemme run down another typical post drunken mistake situation compiled from personal experience and stories from friends of mine.

If you wake up at 1pm on a Saturday with no recollection of the previous night. You got a headache and you feel like your feet have been replaced with cinderblocks. You pour you a cup of water and a bowl of cereal, take one bite and that shit taste like dried ramen noodles. You got 3 missed calls and 5 texts that you aint looked at yet. 2 from your boys that say some form of “Nigga you was WYLIN…LOL” 2 with some variation of “ I know YOU had fun last night” and one that says “Im glad we FINALLY got that over with” from the proverbial code name “DO NOT ANSWER” in the call log, you need to be ready to use the title phrase to damn near everyone you see after that. How can someone honestly hold you accountable for a night like that???

Watch this clip from Chappelles Show Season 2 The Dudes Night Out clip for an example of how alcohol affects dudes.

Chappelle's Show
Dude's Night Out!!!!
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

Now if you find the previous “hypothetical story” part of your weekly Saturday/Sunday routine, a couple of AA meetings should clear that up. But on those rare occasions pull out the last defense and say proudly “Yeah….but I was drunk though”


Anonymous said...

okay you can apply this to females too..it shouldnt just be men who can use this excuse in that case. although they may do it more, it is also perfectly acceptable for women to do it too!

Jonny Casanova said...