Sunday, September 27, 2009

brain farts

today's topic: brain farts

this is the realest shit i'll ever poast © pac

- doug funnie is the cartoon character i relate to best. i remember chasing my patti mayonaise.
- one day, i'll spend the entire day talking like billy mays.
- BILLY MAYS HERE, AND I'M DYING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.
<---tracee ellis ross has the perfect ass to me. she is the commandment for asses.
- peyton manning is the best QB since joe montana.
- tunde adebimpe and ?uestlove are the two coolest muthafunkers alive.
- i have a healthy addiction to tv on the radio. i unapologetically stan for them.
- when i'm alone in my car, i dig up on my nose and flick the boogers out the window.
- if i have a wet booger, i'll let it hang on my finger to make it dry...and then flick it.
- goodie mob's soul food is one of my top 10 rap albums of all time.
- the pharcyde's somethin that means somethin is an addictive ass beat....shoutout to dilla
- i'm convinced hilary clinton has a penis.
- as a child, i was afraid of children in special education. they smelled like pee.
- i've never heard a song by lady gaga or miley cyrus.
- michael steele is an adult version of the token black kid.
- family guy is the funniest show on tv.
- i am in constant search of the perfect pop culture reference. i think it has to do with my fascination of woody allen material.
- one day, i'll walk around musty. just to piss people off without them telling me i need to do better.
- if it were socially acceptable, i'd wear sandals everyday.
- two words to describe me: corporate hippie. conflicting viewpoints, i know....spare me.
- farting is the signal to taking a shit. i hate farting. i'd rather take a shit and be done with it.
- i am immune to sucker shit.
- nothing is funnier than watching people not realize how lame they are. for example, lil mama @ the vma's --->
- big titties stank.
- i hate mosquitos and flies. they serve no purpose but to annoy me.
- prince is 5'2. with heels, he's anywhere between 5'4 and 6'1.
- men with titties should wear bras. no one wants to see your "bro boobs."
- i'd love to smoke a blunt and shoot the shit with sarah palin. i'm sure she has some good stories to tell.
- i can not believe the lions won a game. i don't wanna hear shit from a redskins fan for two years.
- p.diddy can kill himself, with his dirty money.
- if my girlfriend was pregnant, i'd take her to carrowinds to ride all the rides.
- why do porn stars shave their body? they make me feel funny about the hair on my ass.
- i love seeing pinstripe suits with purple or pink ties.
<--- my favorite two male vocalists are marvin gaye and bilal.
- people think i am laid-back. not true. i am inwardly, constantly nervous. possibly neurotic. definitely quirky.
- malcolm x would kick mlk jr.'s ass in a fight.
- i'm glad i'm becoming a better cook.
- judd apatow, spike lee, and woody allen are my favorite directors.
- i've realized i'm a nerd. i've accepted this, and moved on with my life.
- i enjoy sex more with women i like. before, i fucked for sport. now, sex means more to me.
- bobby brown is like the drunk uncle at the family reunion. you know he means well, but you keep your distance.
- i've never seen someone lose a career as fast as ja rule.
- angelina jolie is psycho. who wants all those kids?
- my favorite line from a movie is: "i don't wanna cram pimpage."
- black people make me feel safe. i never am on edge around black people.
- i do not trust white people when i am at the ATM. i believe they are judging my checking account balance, and laughing over grape juice © chappelle
- i compete with people when i pump my gas. if i get my receipt first...i win.
- i really hope glenn beck gets caught with a group of vietnamese boys in a circle jerk.
- that's enough for today....goodnight.

4 comments:

LuvliLadi said...

You never cease to shock me...:D.. TMI lol

Wistopher said...

lol you are completely retarded Billy Bob

Cheri said...

oh. my.

I have to disagree with you on one point. Big *ahem* titties do not stank. Unless you don't air them out.

Bob George said...

Unless you don't air them out.

^^^that is correct. especially in the summertime. anything over a DD, i'll pass on.