Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Crackheads or Old People?

Old people and Crackheads. Two groups of people that we deal with in society. Some more than others but if your like me, you encounter both of these quite frequently. They are actually pretty similar in a lot of ways. They both get shitted on in society. They both get annoying over time. They both smell funny...etc. I happen to like one of these groups more than the other. And of course its the group you wouldnt expect or else this article wouldn't be worth writing. I can't stand old people they freak me out a lil bit. Old people are bizzare to me and I just dont get them. The elderly subculture just baffles my mind...something about the pink and blue frizzy hair, or the oversized sunglasses or the beige velcro Walmart orthopedics that just scares me a bit. And it seems that everytime I go out of the house for some random errand I see some strange old white dude with the hiked up khaki pants, the aforementioned orthopedics, the liver spots and brown teeth and Im immediately put off. What I really hate is when they sucker you into a conversation. I feel like theyre aware of there seniority which entitles them to drone on in conversations that no one wants to hear except maybe a historian. I hate it. I dont know maybe its where I am on the globe or I just have bad luck but I always see the smelly unkept creepy old people everywhere I go like they know when Im gonna be picking up some sugar or gassing up "Ms Fat Booty" (thats my Nissan btw). I find it necesary to avoid these people at all costs. You may find this extreme but let me give you some recent examples of what Ive seen. I was at "Walgreens" (local pharmacy spot) and turned down an isle and saw this old dude with a brown urine stain on his pants...WTF man!!! On another occasion I saw this dude at the grocery store. He was about 68 years old and stood at about 6ft 7in which already tripped me out...(Ive never seen a tall old person)... This dude had the ashiest ankles ive ever seen, like beyond ash and going into black and gnarled and scabbed, like he tried to put powder on his ankle with as sandpaper glove...WTF man!!! and Lastly theres this approx. 107 year old dude in my neighborhood with an eastern european accent..pasty as shit, brown and green teeth, and is determined to continue wearing this blue speedo to the pool and hitting on/cornering every girl under 30...WTF!!!! Old people are weird and I hope to GOD that I dont end up like that. Im gonna keep my vitamin intake up and do some Sudoku or something. I guarantee you wont see me at the Harris Teeter with ashy ankles and a piss stain when im 79.

Alright...Crackheads on the other hand dont scare me one bit. Not One Bit.

Before I continue let me clear up a common misconception. Some people mistake homeless people for crackheads. Here are some helpful hints to be able to tell the difference.

Crackheads talk to themselves more than homeless people do. Crackheads always look like they got somewhere to go and if your lucky you can catch one running somewhere. If you find yourself at a parade the crackhead is easy to spot, he/she is the guy/girl dancing to the marching band as it plays the National Anthem. But the most recognizable trait of the crackhead is the EYES. You can always spot a crackhead from the eyes. Its like this crazed yet vacant look that lets you know that they either have nothing going on upstairs or they've got so much going on that they dont even know where they are...

But like I said before, inspite of all these bizzare traits and tell tale signs Im not scared of crack heads. Some people get all nervous when a supposed crackhead comes around. No need. Crackheads never want to hurt you. They just want various and sundry items which may include a beer, 67 cents, etc. They know enough that if they hurt you theyre mostly likely either gonna get that ass beat or go to jail or both, they'd rather take the rejection and move on. Crackheads are harmless. I have yet to see breaking news involving a crackhead attack. Im not saying that you should bring them into your home or anything like that but they are harmless.

Sadly answering the title question has me in favor of the crackheads, Id rather reject them and avoid the social backlash I would get if I told someones grandma to "Get your smelly ass outta my face!!"

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